Page 52 of Regrets

He walks into the bathroom and stands in front of me. “Don’t you fucking dare.”

My eyes rise to look up at his tortured and beautiful face. “I just want to escape for a little bit, Linc.”

He grabs the pill bottle, opens the cap and pours the contents into the toilet, flushing them away before I can stop him. Not that I tried.

I stare at him as he throws the bottle in the trash and walks back to the tub. “You’re not going out that way. Too fucking easy.”

“I wasn’t trying to kill myself. People take pills all of the time.”

“One. And usually not with alcohol.” He nods his head at the vodka and then looks back at me.

“I can’t go back there.”

He surprises me when, instead of coming back with something nasty or cruel to say, he lifts his shirt off and then undoes his jeans. “I know you don’t want to.”

What the hell is he doing?

He pushes his jeans and briefs down and climbs into the tub behind me, his arms wrapping around my waist.

“I don’t. Do you?”

I lean back into him like this is completely normal, our naked bodies pressed against each other, submerged in the water as I rest between his legs. Although it was only a few days ago that we declared our hatred for each other.

I feel his nose drag over the back of my neck, his lips finding the crevice where it meets my shoulder. “No.”

“I can’t do it, Linc.”

“You’re so much fucking stronger than you realize, and she needs this.”

I turn around in the tub, sitting up on my knees between his legs and looking directly at him. “You really think going back to where he died is going to help her at all?”

I watch his throat bob with uncertainty and his eyes fill with anguish, and I know how badly he’s hurting. “She thinks it will.”

I know she’s in pain. I see it and feel it every time I’m around her. We all are. Nothing has been the same since Colt died at the lake that day. “She’s wrong.”

“She’s drowning, P. I could hear it in her voice. She never asks me for anything. We have to go. It isn’t about us.”

His hands hold onto my hips, and I know he’s right, no matter how badly I want him to be wrong and want to fight him on this. “I can’t face it. I hate everything about that place.”

He pulls my body closer to his, and for a moment, he seems softer, his granite-like veneer dissolving as one hand smooths over my back. “There were good times there too. That’s what she’s trying to hold onto.”

I rest my head on his shoulder and sob as he holds me to him, one hand on my hand, the other stroking my hair. His lips press against my temple, and I know this is as sweet as Linc gets. “Shhh, P. We can get through it.”

The sweetness won’t last. The bitterness always overrides it with us both.

There were so many good times there over the years.

Why did I have to go and fuck it all up? My mother was right, I am a tragedy. That’s all I bring, and my affliction finally muted Colt’s light, putting it out forever.

28

PENELOPE

ONE YEAR AGO

“Are you sure you won’t go, Lincoln?” Colt takes my bag, slinging it over his shoulder as his mom makes one last attempt to get Linc to go to the lake house with the family.

Linc holds up both hands in front of him and shakes his head as Colt punches him on the arm playfully and Nora gives him a big hug, both of them exiting. I grab my purse and start to follow them out to the car where Mr. Sterling, Ash, and Lola are waiting for us, but Linc blocks me.

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