Page 82 of Wings Above the Mallee

‘You didn’t have a problem when Amelia and I flew before,’ Heath pointed out.

‘Oh, I had a problem all right,’ Charlee spat furiously. ‘But I couldn’t say anything because Amelia was already mad with me. So I had to suck it up. But now … now …’ She shook her head, unusually lost for words. Tears glistened in her eyes.

Amelia’s mind flicked back to Charlee’s relief when she’d returned from the flight the previous month. ‘Flying is relatively safe,’ she said gently.

‘“Relatively” means nothing. Get Gavin’s bloody ashes posted here and sprinkle them in a breeze or something …’

‘Charlee—’ Heath reached across the table for his daughter’s hand ‘—much as we might want it, Amelia’s not going to give up flying because we’re afraid for her. She told you, she made a promise—’

‘And you’ve both made promises to me about sticking around,’ Charlee cried, leaping up from her seat.

‘Macushla,’ Sean said, ‘no one’s leaving. In fact, I have some good news.’

Charlee put the fingertips of both hands to her forehead like she was trying to physically control her emotions. ‘The only good news I want to hear is that everyone I love is going to stay safe. But that’s never going to be the case, because you’re all full of shit!’ She snatched her bag from the back of the chair. ‘You know what, oxy is literally the only thing that never lets me down.’ She spun around and dashed from the pub.

Amelia was on her feet before anyone else. ‘I’ll go,’ she said as the rest of the restaurant held their breath, staring at their devastated little group.

Heath slumped, looking down at his hands on the table, utterly defeated. ‘There’s no point me going, is there? I thought we’d finally turned a corner. But this … I can’t do this again.’

‘Charlee’s not relapsing,’ Amelia said firmly. She had no experience with drugs, no knowledge of their evil hold, no understanding of how to break the cycle. But she knew Charlee. She knew what the girl needed. Suddenly, she was angry with Heath.

‘You know what? You’re bloody well coming with me. There’s no opt-out clause on parenting.’ She leaned across the table and seized his hand, tensing muscles that hadn’t been properly used for the last few years to tug him to his feet, muscles that had been formed labouring on the property she’d loved, for the life she’d thought she would love forever. Now those muscles would be used to rescue this man she cared for. If she had to, she would force Heath to face his love for his daughter, even though she understood that he hid from the fear of the pain that losing Charlee would cause.

‘Amelia, you don’t understand,’ he protested as he followed her from the hotel. ‘Charlee doesn’t want me. She wants her mother.’

‘No, she doesn’t.’ She pointed down the street to where Charlee walked slowly below the old-fashioned street lamps, the pools of yellow light guiding her down to the inky night-time river. ‘She wants to know how tolive withouther mother. And you’re the only person who can help her with that.’

Heath shook his head and Amelia tightened her grip. She would drag him all the way to the river, if that’s what it took to make this stubborn man understand. ‘I know that you’re not ready to let Sophie go, Heath. But Charlee wants to know that she’s allowed to live her life. And she can’t do that until you give her permission.’

‘How the hell am I supposed to do that when I can’t … I haven’t …’

‘Haven’t moved on yourself? Everyone’s journey is different, Heath. I think that’s what went wrong with Tim and me: he moved to acceptance months—no, years before I did. And I couldn’t forgive him for that. But you … you have to let Charlee know that whenever she can accept her mum has gone, that’s just fine. She doesn’t have to match your timeline for grief. It’s not fair to expect her to stay stuck forever.’

Heath’s fingers tightened around hers. ‘Come with me?’

She knew he wasn’t afraid of his own daughter; he was afraid that allowing Charlee to let go of Sophie would mean he’d also lose his wife.

‘Of course.’

Charlee had moved beyond the last puddle of light and Amelia’s heart stopped. Then she made out the girl, a shadow on the darkness of the riverbank, near the water’s edge. She nudged Heath forward.

‘Charlee …’ he said, but then seemed to run out of words. He turned to Amelia, his face pale and lost in the moonlight.

She picked her way across the damp grass and took Charlee’s unresisting hand. Stood with the girl and stared into the timeless flow as the river channelled through the millennia: immeasurable, unstoppable, impassive. So many lives had been lived and lost on the banks of this waterway. So many tragedies, so many loves. And yet not one had changed the course of the majestic river.

‘I couldn’t bear to look at the water for so long after I lost Noah,’ she said softly.

Charlee didn’t answer, but nor did she pull away.

‘But now it’s my connection to him.’

Should she share? This was the last of her secrets, and if she spoke it in front of Heath and Charlee, it would no longer belong only to her and Noah.

Amelia closed her eyes for a long moment. Noah was beyond her reach, but these people were here and they needed her now. If, wherever he was, someone could help her child, she prayed for them to do so. And in return she would give all she could here.

‘Sometimes I make little leaf boats and float them to Noah.’

Heath took Charlee’s other hand, but she didn’t turn to look at her father.

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