Page 1 of Someday Not Soon

Chapter One

Ella

Present

It’sa strange feeling to attend my parents’ double funeral. Pain and regret laces itself into every fiber of my being as a hollow numbness settles around me like a plume of dust.

The relationship with them was complicated. We didn’t have fun family days, play board games, or go on vacations to bond. Our household was about as relaxed as military basic training. It consisted of seasonal stiff hugs, mandatory church attendance, and a persistent feeling of falling short in earning their pride.

Nonetheless, they were still my parents, and a conflicted part of myself still loved them.

I’m not sure whether to be glad their final moment in life was quick and painless, or gutted that I never got a chance to tell them goodbye one last time.

The day seemed as normal as ever—making chocolate chip pancakes while singing along to nineties music in my kitchen. Then the earth seemed to stop spinning on its axis when I received the phone call from the police informing me of the accident.

Another driver had suffered a medical emergency at the wheel, causing their car to cross head on into my parents’ lane. And like that, they were both gone. Probably in the midst of a trivial argument over the radio one minute, and crossing into whatever comes after the next.

My best friends, Madi and Delaney, stand side-by-side, their expressions reflecting hesitant caution as they gaze at me. With our fifteen-year friendship, they understand my turbulent history with both my family and this place.

The modest, dilapidated church hall is half-filled with a few dozen people dressed uniformly in somber black attire. A potluck assortment of casseroles, contributed by members of the congregation, spans out across two worn folding tables. The pastor graciously allowed me to use the hall at no cost, given my parents’ long-standing attendance. It seemed fitting to hold the funeral here, seeing as it held a higher place in their affections than me, their only child.

Amidst the subdued murmurs and the gentle clatter of glass dishes, I feel engulfed by a sea of stares, ranging from sympathetic to judgmental. The spicy floral perfumes mingle with the scent of the savory meat and cheese dishes. It all assaults my senses at once, and hits me like a ton of bricks to the stomach. I feel sick, and sad, and pissed off all at the same time.

“Ella?” Madi touches my shoulder, jolting me to the present. “What can I do to help you right now?”

“I…I need air.” Clutching my stomach, I stumble towards the creaking fire exit door of the building, desperate for fresh air and to be alone. Escaping outside to an overgrown row of tall green shrubs, I grasp my dark hair with a trembling hand, as I hurl into the greenery.

This isn’t how life was supposed to be. I wasn’t supposed to be suddenly without a family, and smack dab in the middle ofbothmy parents’ funeral reception. I wasn’t supposed to be settling their affairs with a lawyer from one of those highway billboards, and putting my childhood home up for sale.

Back in Washington, I have a life. Albeit, it isn’t much of one ever since my break-up with Stephen two months ago. But I have a job. I have a new plant baby, that’s most likely now wilting in my window sill, neglected in my absence. At the very least, it is the meager beginnings of something I can proudly call my own.

This…this is too much. I’ve never been the strong or resilient one. I’m not known for my quick thinking or problem-solving skills, nor am I great at rolling with the punches.

I, Ella Thatcher, am an anxious as fuck, people-pleasing, overthinker. I’m the one who says ‘no worries,’ when in fact I will worry in one thousand and one different ways.

Why couldn’t they have given me a sibling? Someone to share the burden or a shoulder to lean on. Someone to begrudgingly stare down Mrs. Patterson and her friends,as they scrutinized the hemline of my black wrap dress while I thanked every attendee today.

Crouching down with my elbows on my knees, I focus on catching my breath.

Inhale, exhale. In, out. Simple, easy.

The squeal of the back door hinges alert me that I’m no longer alone. Yet, I don’t give enough of a damn to look up.

Spiked heels clicking on the cement path hurry toward me. “Oh, shit. Breathe, girl. I’m here.” Delaney squishes my body to hers as she envelops me into a hug. If it were anyone else, I might feel awkward, but with her, it feels natural. She’s strength personified in one pint-sized human.

“Is everyone staring at me through the window right now?” I ask, attempting to glance over my shoulder.

“Eh, a few. But fuck ‘em. Say the word and I can really give them something to talk about. Want me to flash them my thong?”

I let out a brief laugh, unsure if it’s entirely genuine or laced with tears.

“Save all your thong flashing for Cole. My mom’s friends talking about me isn’t anything new anyways.”

“I should tell them their casseroles taste like dog food.”

I try my best to half-ass a smile in response, but she can see straight through my veil of pretending to be okay.

“Tell me what you’re thinking, Ella.”

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