Page 85 of Home Ice Advantage

“Hey,” Ryan said, uneasy.

“Sully.”

Ryan listened to him breathing in silence for what had to have been at least a minute, trying to think of what to say. “I didn’t really plan this one out very well, huh?”

“You never did,” Murph said, and laughed. It was a little strained, but he didn’t hang up, so that was a step forward.

“I was thinking about a lot of stuff today. About when we won the Cup the first time. When I hugged you after.”

The noise Murph made sounded like someone had punched him in the gut, a sharp and sudden exhale. “Yeah, I...thought about that one a lot too, over the years.”

Even now, knowing what he knew about himself, Ryan almost couldn’t bring himself to ask. “Were you going to kiss me?”

Murph was silent again. “I was caught up in the moment, you know? It felt like the culmination of everything we’d been working for. And then you scored that beautiful fucking goal and won it for us, and it was just like a fairy tale, like everything was...but then I realized. Where we were. Who we were. I couldn’t. It was already too late. And then I just tried to tell myself it was a trick of the light, of the moment. Because what was the point?”

Ryan rubbed his eyes with his hands. “I think... I probably felt the same way. I just never recognized it for what it was. We were both already married. I mean, shit, I got married when I was practically still a kid. I never even thought we could’ve been anything except—”

“I know,” Murph said. He sighed, the noise especially loud in Ryan’s ear. “Like I said. I don’t blame you for the way things turned out.Ididn’t realize until it was too late, and then I buried that shit for years until Aronson ripped the Band-Aid off. The way it was back then, how would we even have...? You know?”

“Yeah,” Ryan said. “I just...are things ever going to be the same again?”

“The same? I don’t see how they can ever be thesame. But I’ve been thinking about it, Sully, and I think that maybe that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You’re one of the most important people in my life, and I don’t want to lose you. Maybe it’s going to be hard, and maybe it’s going to be weird, and maybe it’ll take time...but I don’t want to lose what you are in my life.”

Ryan could feel his shoulders adjust, a physical weight off of them. “Yes,” he said.

“Maybe it won’t be the same. I don’t know how long it’s going to take. But we can leave the door open?”

“I’d really like that.”

“Look, Sully, it’s late, and Tara’s gonna kill me when I wake her up when I get back to bed. But just keep that in mind. I love you, man. And we’re always going to be friends. No matter what. Even if it’s weird. And also if Aronson does one damn thing to hurt you, I’ll kill him.”

“He would never,” Ryan said, out loud this time, and knowing with bone-deep certainty that it was true. “And I love you too, brother. Don’t be a stranger this time, eh?”

“Yeah, yeah. Andyousound like you’re still at the Spectrum. Overachieving little freak. Go home, Sully. Get some sleep.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Ryan echoed, but he was smiling when he hung up.

Eric opened his eyes in a nondescript hotel room in the last week of the season, and realized that Ryan was already awake. The alarm hadn’t gone off yet, but it didn’t matter. Ryan had probably been up for a while at this rate, thinking so furiously that Eric could almost feel it physically.

“Ry,” Eric said.

“Yeah?”

“What’s wrong?” Even Eric’s voice sounded strange in his own ears, sleepy and content in a way that it almost never had before, especially on the road.Ryan fucking Sullivan.Who would have thought?

“I was just thinking about my contract extension. And your contract extension. And Petey and Heidi’s contract extensions. And the negotiations. And the...you know.”

“What about it?” Eric asked, rolling over.

The room was still dim enough; the sun hadn’t fully risen and only a sliver of light broke through the crack in the blackout curtains. Even in the dark, though, Eric knew Ryan’s face by heart now, every familiar line and scar. Eric could see just enough, anyway. Ryan wasn’t smiling, which meant—well, whatever it was must have been serious. He didn’t smile even when Eric pressed his mouth against Ryan’s shoulder.

“Just...we’re going to stay, right? But what’s that going to look like for us?”

“How do you mean?” Eric asked, his brain still racing to both wake up and catch up.

“Are we just going to keep this secret forever?”

Eric exhaled sharply and lay back against the pillows. “I hadn’t thought about it.” That wasn’t entirely true: he had thought about it, and discarded the possibility. Hadn’t even thought Ryan would be interested in telling anyone. His mother knew and that was all that really mattered to Eric.

---