Page 156 of Set Me On Fire

The parenting videos I watched all said this or standing, or some kind of upright position worked best. I’d tried it early in my labour, but it just hurt more. Now, it felt eminently right. The position opened up my pelvis, creating some much needed space.

“OK, you need to push,” the midwife said in an overly chipper manner. “Push! Push!”

I didn’t need a cheerleader or a teacher, or even a support person. I clung to the guys’ hands as I did what my body told me. We were doing this. I was one of many women who’d foughttheir way through childbirth, and I would come out the other side triumphant.

“Get ready to meet your baby girl!” the midwife said, right as I felt her slither free.

For a moment, all I could do was stare. This red, wrinkly little scrap, she was perfect. Her little hands were scrunched up tightly, her eyes tiny little slits at the moment, but her arms quivered as the midwife handed her to me, and then she was right where she needed to be.

Skin-to-skin contact, that's what I read about, so I wrenched the gown down over one breast. My baby, my baby girl, was tucked in close to my body, helping her calm. The little grunting noises she was making were so perfect. She was perfect, and that’s when I looked up.

“Oh my god…” Charlie swooped in, eyes glistening as he stared at our girl. “Look at her. Like just look at her.” His finger went out and touched her hand, the tiny fingers flexing and then clamping down tightly around one of his. “You got me, baby. You got me.”

“Bloody hell, Millie.” Noah slid in behind me, his arms taking over the role of holding up my body because I was tired, so tired. “She’s freaking perfect, just like you.”

“Can I…?” Knox fell to his knees before us and stared into my eyes. “Can I…?”

He couldn’t seem to make the words out, but I knew what he needed. It was the same thing I did, but I could share. She was ours, the bond between us never as intense as it was now. It was love, for her, for them, for all the mothers and fathers around the world who were also lost in their child’s eyes. I smiled, my lips wobbly, before nodding and holding her out for Knox to take.

“Watch her neck!”

Noah’s voice was uncharacteristically harsh.

“Hold her close,” Charlie added much more softly. “Against your skin.”

Knox’s shirt was unbuttoned and a space was made to slot her in.

“Well, look at you, perfect girl. You gave your mother a bit of a hard time coming out,” Knox said. I laughed then, even as tears streamed down my face. “But you got here in the end, and we couldn’t be happier to see you.”

“Well done, Mum,” the midwife said with a smile. “Now, who wants to cut the cord?”

Chapter 67

Charlie

I couldn’t sleep.

Millie was passed out in her hospital bed while Noah was slumped back in a chair and Knox was propped up in a corner of the room. The nurses had threatened to kick us out, but the threat of all three of us sleeping in a nearby waiting room was enough to have them relenting. I couldn’t leave, couldn’t take my eyes off the two of them. Millie was so damn strong during the entire birth, and our baby… I had to lock my muscles down, pacing back and forth to stop myself from moving forward and taking another look.

She was perfect.

I’m pretty sure every parent felt the same. I hoped they did. A desperate, bone deep need to protect this tiny little person beat in my chest, and that had me leaning against the wall, watching the two of them. Millie and the baby were safe, but some deep instinct felt like that was only the case while I kept watch. I shook my head, knowing how ridiculous that was, and that’s when I felt my pocket buzzing. It took seconds for me to work out why it would do that before I pulled out my phone.

How’s it going?

Just one simple text from my sister and that’s all it took to remember we’d come here as a cast of thousands, everyone invested in the outcome of this pregnancy. I looked back at Millie, smiling at the faint whistle of her breath, before jerking myself to my feet and walking down the hallway.

The numbers had thinned. The boys had gone back to the fire station, which made sense. They’d already be in the shit for the stunt they pulled today. Being away from base when they were needed would only make that worse. Jamie and her fellas were slumped in a corner, having a snooze, Heather and Angus held hands as they did the same, but Astrid stood up as soon as she saw me and walked over.

“How’re you feeling?” She was trying to keep it under control, but I saw the cracks in her calm facade. “How’s Millie? Is she OK? Tell me she’s not still in labour.”

“Not in labour.” I could barely squeeze that out, my throat closing up. My big sister’s face crumpled then, her hand going to my arm. She gave it a quick squeeze and then nodded for me to continue. “Millie was fucking amazing. I don’t know how she got through that, but she did. I don’t think I want her to go through that again, though.”

Astrid smiled.

“No one does just after the birth, but…” She shook her head. “After a few years, the memories fade and it all starts to seem like a good idea again. And the baby? Your little girl?”

“She’s…” My throat worked and I tried to get it out, all that I was feeling, but it was too big, too vast, for mere words. “She’s…”

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