Page 28 of An Alien for the Future

Turning, I push across the transit route to the other side, the pasture where we first met. I find myself wandering aimlessly through the grass-feed, my feet moving of their own accord while my mind whirls.

All I can think about is Donna. The way her eyes lit up when she laughed. The warmth of her body pressed against mine. The look of cold hardness in her eyes when I told her she was mykahl.

I’ve dreamed of finding my kahl for so long. Imagined the moment countless times. In my dreams, it was always perfect. We’d lock eyes across a crowded space and just know. Our core-rhythms would sync, and we’d fall into each other’s arms, two halves of a whole finally united.

I never imagined it would be like this. Never thought mykahlwould be a human, with no core-rhythm to sync with mine. Never considered that she might not feel the same instant connection, the same bone-deep certainty.

As I walk, lost in my thoughts, I find myself at the zimi bush where I first met Donna. Where she’d pushed through the thicket just to help me, a stranger in need.

That’s who she is. Kind. Compassionate. Willing to help others without thought of reward. It’s part of what makes her perfect for me. Part of why she’s mykahl.

But she’s also strong-willed. Independent. Not the type to accept being claimed by a stranger, no matter what forces might be at play.

I sigh, sinking down to sit in the still wet earth. The mud on my clothes has mostly dried, flaking off in chunks as I move. I barely notice.

I can’t leave. I just…I can’t. As I sit there, staring out at the fields without really seeing them, a thought occurs to me. Maybe I don’t have to choose. Maybe there’s a middle ground.

I could stay in the area, but not on her farm itself. Find a place to make a temporary lodge, somewhere close enough that I can still feel her presence, but far enough away that I wouldn’t be imposing on her.

And maybe, over time, I could find ways to interact with her. Not as herkahl—she’s made it clear she’s not ready for that—but as a…a what? A companion?

As I sit there, lost in thought, I look up just in time to spot scales like my own glinting in the light as a large maleapproaches. I didn’t expect to see anyone, didn’t want to, not when I’m feeling like this. But I should have known better. Of course, Arnak is out here. He’s still completing the surveys. He probably never went back to town.

“Tovan? Is that you?” As he gets closer, his steps quicken. “By the stars, what happened to you?”

I attempt a grin, but it feels more like a grimace. “It’s…a long story.”

Arnak crouches down beside me, his brow furrowed. “You look like you’ve been stuck in a pasture and trampled by oogas.” His gaze skips over me, his focus intent, even though I’m one of the few beings that knows only one of his eyes works as it should. “Are you injured?”

“Not physically.” I rise and he does the same with me. Even without meeting his gaze, I can feel him studying me.

“There’s something different about you. If the human threw you out, why didn’t you return to your grav bike? I would have enjoyed the company…” His gaze slides over me. “Even if you’re a bit surly right n—”

“I think I found my kahl.” I start walking, pushing through the grass-feed and leaving him there, stunned.

Arnak catches up with me a moment later, his wild mane blowing in the wind and obscuring his face as he jogs through the grass-feed backwards. “Yourkahl? Thehuman? But that’s…that’s incredible! Why do you look like the stars have faded across the cosmos?”

I laugh and realize it’s the same mirthless mockery of a laugh that Donna did. “Because she wants nothing to do with me.”

Arnak almost stumbles and he stops jogging backward and turns around to keep my pace. “Explain. How can that be?”

Slowly, haltingly, I begin to recount the events of the past few sols. Meeting Donna, feeling the instant connection, the disastrous conversation where I revealed she was mykahl. AsI speak, Arnak listens, his expression cycling through surprise, confusion, and sympathy.

As I climb over the rise beneath which I’d parked my grav bike, Arnak glances at me. “Your core-rhythm…”

“Is silent.”

He almost stops walking. “But you’re sure?”

I look his way, thankful he’s not questioning my stance on this. I nod, chin to chest, my throat tight. “Yes. She’s…incredible, Arnak. Strong, kind, beautiful. But she’s also human. She doesn’t understand what it means to have akahl. I believe my core-rhythm is silent because she has none.”

Arnak is silent as we walk up to the grav bikes. I can see an area of flattened grass-feed where he must have made a camp over the past few sols. Even my scanner is here and it’s obvious Arnak had retrieved it in my absence.

“What will you do?” he asks.

I release a heavy breath. “I cannot leave. But she doesn’t want me to stay. So I will keep my distance…but I cannot leave her alone out here.”

Arnak jerks his chin slowly. “Not like that, though. You need to clean up. Need supplies.” He looks up at the clearing skies. “It won’t shower for a good few sols so you should be fine, but you’ll still need a fresh weather cover to camp with. Yours has a hole in it. I know, because I got drenched the first dark cycle.”

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