Page 27 of An Alien for the Future

Donna takes a deep breath. When she speaks again, her eyes are hard and there’s a new distance in them that makes my core-beat halt in my chest. “Tovan Kamesh.” Gods, the sound of myown name has never made me shiver before. “I think it is time for you to go.”

She wants me to leave. Of course, she wants me to leave. I’ve ruined everything with my impulsiveness. The laughter we just shared, the moments of camaraderie over the past few sols, all ruined. Wasted.

She wants me to leave, so why’s there a tightness in my throat? Why have the muscles in my legs locked up? Because I can’t move. I can’t leave here. Not like this.

“Donna, I…”

She takes a stop forward and it’s hard to stand my ground—because I want to fall to my knees before her. Beg her to understand something I can’t even understand myself. All I have is afeeling. A feeling is not enough to go on. I need confirmation from my core-rhythm. Need it to sing. And not for the first time in the past few sols, Ibegit to.

It remains silent, and yet, I know this with a surety. I tell no lies. Donna of the line Johnson, this human female filled with color and life and vitality, she is mine.

“What do you think this is?” Her voice is a dangerous whisper. Half my size, she glares up at me. “You think you can just appear out here, get in my good graces, then claim me like I’m some prize to be won?”

I get it now. That unreadable look on her face, that complete shutdown of emotion, it isn’t a shutdown at all. It’s anger. Raw, pure, hot anger. Her dark eyes flash with indignation, and I can’t help but be struck by her fierce beauty even as her words cut deep.

I swallow hard. I’ve made a mess of this “No, that’s not what I—”

“Oh, I know exactly what you thought,” she interrupts. “You saw a lonely woman out here on her own and figured you’d swoop in, playing hero. Well, let me tell you something, mister.I’ve been taking care of myself long before you showed up, and I’ll be doing just fine long after you’re gone.”

Her words hit hard. I flinch. Hers is a rejection that stings more than any others before. But she’s right. We are strangers. How can I explain that it doesn’t matter? That in realizing she is mykahl, she’s become the most important being in my universe?

I want to reach out to her, to comfort her, but I know that would only make things worse. Instead, I stay where I am, mud seeping into my garments, feeling more lost than I ever have in my entire existence. Not even when the Tasqals used their power to claim my world did I feel this utter emptiness.

“Upsetting you is the last thing I wanted. If I could explain—”

“Explain what?” she snaps, crossing her arms. “How you think you could fake some injury just so you could waltz into my life and lay claim to me like I’m some damsel in distress?” Fake an injury? Her gaze darts to my boots and she points at my foot. “I’m not an idiot. You sure as hell fooled me, though. I don’t know what sort of swamp magic you’re using to pull this off, but I’ve seen enough tricksters in my life to know better.”

My core-beat. Everything within me. Is dead. “I—” But whatever words I could say dry up.

“I’m fifty-one years old, born and raised in Tennessee. I’ve weathered more storms than you can imagine, big boy. I’m not some character in your fantasy. I’m a real person with a real life, and I don’t need your fairy tale promises. I sure as hell don’t need or want your so-called protection.”

I can barely speak. Everything she’s saying, everything she’s said, is fracturing into a thousand shards of thought, each one sharper, more chaotic, than the last. “It’s not about protection. From the moment I saw you—” I stop, because these are just more stupid inadequate words. If she had a core-rhythm, it would sing with mine. Then she would understand. Without that, I have no proof.

“Oh, spare me the romantic nonsense,” Donna scoffs. “I’ve heard it all before, sugar. “

She takes another step forward, and despite her smaller stature, I find myself taking a step back. Her vitriol, I deserve every ounce of it.

“Now, I want you to listen real close.” Her voice is a low, dangerous thing. “You’re going to turn around and walk right off my property. And if I ever see you skulking around here again, I won’t hesitate to call the authorities. You got that?”

I open my mouth to protest, to try one last time to make her understand, but she cuts me off with a sharp gesture, flashing her claw in dismissal.

“I don’t want to hear it. Just go. Now.”

With that, she turns on her heel and storms away, leaving me standing there. I watch her retreating form, the distance between us growing with each step she takes. The connection I felt, the certainty that she is mine, clashes with the reality that she…doesn’t want me.

Within me, a chasm is ripped open, threatening to split me in two. And as she disappears from view, I’m left alone with the crushing weight of one thing.

My failure.

8

TOVAN

As I reach the border of Donna’s farm and the transit route, I pause, looking back toward the lodge. I can’t see her anymore, but I can feel her. A tugging in my chest, an awareness of her presence. Is this what it means to find yourkahl? To be forever aware of them, even when they want nothing to do with you?

I shake my head, trying to clear my thoughts. I need to think. Need to figure out what to do next. Because one thing is clear—I can’t leave. Not now. Not when I’ve found mykahl.

But how can I stay? Donna made it clear she wants nothing to do with me. The thought of imposing my presence on her, of making her uncomfortable in her own home, is unbearable. But the thought of leaving, of never seeing her again, is even worse.

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