Page 36 of An Alien for Her Heart

It’s clear he can’t stand the poor Raki, and my being injured by him only makes it worse.

As the Raki bids me farewell, telling me he will finish my cottage roof this day, his surprising proclamation doesn’t even register. My eyes are on Varek. Not until the Raki leaves does his gaze shift to me and the heat within them is scalding.

The world disappears, my vision becoming a tunnel.

Oh Catherine, you foolish girl. How did you not realize?

I stand there, rooted to the spot, my mind racing. Varek’s gaze is intense, filled with an emotion I hadn’t dared to hope for. Could he really…? No, it’s absurd. I’m sixty, for heaven’s sake. Surely he wouldn’t be interested in someone my age.

But then I remember the gifts. The way he’s been so attentive, offering to help with my roof, buying me the fruits because I showed interest in themonce, requesting that weshare breakfast together. And now, this…device. Could it be that he’s been flirting with me all along? That he’s been trying to show his intentions in the only way he knows how?

The thought makes my heart race, my cheeks flushing even deeper. I’m not used to this kind of attention anymore. It’s been so long since anyone looked at me like that, let alone a handsome alien like Varek.

It’s dangerous, I know. Dangerous to hold his gaze. Because the longer I do, the stronger that thing within me. Something rises, like a part of me is slowly lifting her head, the thought both titillating and terrifying for that reason. But I can’t seem to help it. Can’t seem to tear my eyes away, no matter how hard I try.

And when Varek’s gaze heightens on mine, as if he’s stripping me bare, as if he’s undressing every bit of my clothing and drinking me in, I don’t have the shame to break it. Like a deer caught in headlights, I stare back at him, a skitter going straight through the center of my chest like a searing electric thread. Something hot and hungry and alive, something that makes my breath catch in my throat, something that makes my heart stutter alight in my chest.

That does it. That’s the thing that scares me enough that I look away. Force myself to break the moment, to shatter the fragile connection before it can grow into something I can’t control.

I turn around, heading into the cottage that’s suddenly like a safe haven.

My hand rises to grip my chest, a tremor going through my entire body. Because I know what this is. I’d felt it before, a feeling that wants me to lean into this alien. A feeling that makes me…want.

An ache goes through my chest, enough that I grip myself harder.

This can’t be happening.

I like him.

I like Varek.

And Ican’t. I can’t because…because even though he doesn’t believe it, I’m right. Things end. Love ends and my heart. My heart…my heart can’t take any more loss.

Because love, want,need? They can control you. Make you lost in the heat and the hunger of them and once that happens, there will be no coming back. And then, when they eventually end, you’re left broken and shattered, a mere shadow of your former self.

And I’m not ready to become even less than who I was before. I’ve worked hard. Built careful walls. Only kept my children within those walls that protected my heart from the pain of living. From loss. I can’t let those walls down now. Or ever. A lifetime as Catherine Richmond, head of the Richmond estate, had cocooned me as a widow for life. And I’d accepted that cocoon, using it as a shield, an excuse to not try to find love again.

I swallow hard, taking deep breaths as I head further into the house. There, I grab my cleaning supplies and begin scrubbing. The surety of each movement is all I have right now to ground me. So I focus on the work. Focus on the simple, repetitive tasks of sweeping and wiping, lifting and carrying, until the room is spotless. I let the physical exertion drive out the thoughts, let the sweat and the strain wash away the longing that is starting in my soul. But even as I work, even as I try to lose myself in the mindless labor, I can’t escape the truth. Can’t escape the reality of what I’m feeling, of what I’m desperately trying to deny.

Leaning against the counter that I’ve wiped probably a thousand times, I stare down at the marble-like effect of the stone, my breaths coming heavy from my chest.

I’m waking up.

The woman within me, she’s…she’s waking up again.

I don’t know how he did it. Many men have tried before and gotten nowhere. I just…wouldn’t let them in. And somehow, this alien who hasn’t even attempted to seduce me, who hasn’t made any inappropriate advances or gestures, has me crumbling.

HOW?

The walls I’ve built up are falling down. The lines I’ve drawn fading quickly. My body is pushing past the barriers my mind has erected. Those barriers that have kept me standing for so long.

My breaths come harder as I stare at the counter, my thoughts as staggered as the design in the stone.

It’s too soon. Too raw, too painful. The wounds of before are still fresh, still bleeding.

Squeezing my eyes shut, I curse underneath my breath. It’s stupid and I’m probably getting ahead of myself, but the thought of opening myself up to something new, something that could hurt me all over again—even the very semblance of it—is absolutely terrifying.

If Varek has done anything, he’s reminded me I’m still alive. I’m not dead, even though I’ve been living that way for so long. Existing instead of living. His actions might be completely innocent, but they highlight one thing. I’m so broken inside, I can’t even consider letting someone else in. How can I risk the fragile peace I’ve managed to find, the tentative stability I’ve fought so hard to achieve?

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