Page 54 of Yearn

“Can you do it?”

“Let her go?” I pondered the question and probed my heart for the true answer. “I don’t want to. She’s like this drug where if I can get a tiny hit, I’m good for a while.”

“What about Max? Do you think she loves him?”

Weren’t there different types of love? Some messy and savage and painful. Some sweet and tender and safe. I had no idea how Landon really felt about him; I only sensed she was comfortable with Max. He was safe. The memory of the way she kissed me back flickered bright and hot. Like she’d been waiting for me to unleash her in the ways she deserved. “I don’t know,” I said.

Gabby looked at me for a long time. Her eyes gleamed with intensity when she finally spoke. “If you could have Landon freely, by her choice, would you go for it?”

I thought about Landon seeking me out; picking me; surrendering fully to everything I could give her. I thought about the fallout from the group, from Max, and how nothing would ever be the same. I thought about the future, and if Landon and I had a chance of making it after such a risk, or if we’d tear each other apart in the aftermath.

The answer came as easily as my next breath. “Yeah. I’d go full out for her.”

Slowly, she smiled. A strange foreboding washed over me at her expression. “Good,” she said softly.

“It’s not good, Gabby. Because she made her choice, and I’m tired of the roller coaster. I’m out this time. I have to be.”

“I know. I’m sorry this has been so hard, Adam. The whole thing sucks ass, but I also believe if you two are meant to be together, nothing will keep you apart. And if not? Someone orsomething else will pull you away, like your music. Or another woman. It still sucks, but it will be okay. I believe that. And until then, you have me. I’ll help in any way you need.”

She was right. Eventually, all things pass. My father’s abuse. My teen depression and rage. Jobs, and friendships, and love all passed and only left memories—either bad or good. What we did with them was our choices. I had a choice to feed the beast or step back and enjoy where my life and music was going to take me.

Better to leave it to Fate.

Better to let Landon go, along with what could be. To trust there’d be someone for me down the line.

“Thanks, Gabby. You helped more than you know.”

“I’m glad. Just make sure I get VIP treatment at your concerts, okay?”

She smiled and I smiled back and I knew I’d done the right thing by opening up. I felt like I was getting a chance to reset by having someone understand what was going on. “Done.”

“Are you going to Noah’s gig Friday night? It’s been two weeks since we all saw each other.”

“I’ll be there.” I didn’t intend to blow off Noah’s success. He’d scored a spot at a top-rated club that would be huge for him. And it was time to see Landon face to face. To accept her and Max were together and it wasn’t meant to be for us. I was tired of being angry and frustrated over what-ifs. I’d treated her like shit in AC and blamed her for responding to my kiss, but we were only going in circles.

I was finally getting off the ride and Gabby was here if I needed her.

“Good. I have a feeling it’s going to be an epic night.”

I didn’t understand the sparkle of excitement dancing in her eyes but I let it go.

Later on, I’d ask myself over and over if I could have stopped what happened next.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Landon

Listen to Use Somebody

by Kings of Leon

Since AC, everything was going…perfect.

I got a call back from the reality show I’d auditioned for so I was thrilled to make the next round. I wasn’t too thrilled with the concept once I heard more details. The loose title wasDumped!–which I hated—and it was six girls, six guys, who live in a farmhouse out in upstate New York and have thirty days to turn the farm around and make it profitable. I didn’t like the idea of milking cows, mucking stalls, or fixing fences, and I wasn’t stupid enough to think they wanted me for my sparkling personality. I had enough followers and was hot enough to dress in Daisy Duke shorts and be made fun of by America while I was humiliated throughout the tasks. The drama was that each of us had to vote to dump the laziest person from the farm, and there were games we were forced to play that sounded horrible.

I didn’t think too much about it, grateful for any opportunity to be on television. Recognition and exposure led to other things, like bigger sponsors, viral TikTok videos, and companies wanting to work with you. As long as I didn’t do anything politically incorrect and brought my dynamic personality and style to the show, I’d be rewarded.

I hope. If I got it.

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