Page 51 of Breathe Again

My tears fell on my tightly folded hands in my lap.

She walked toward me, leaned down to meet my eyes, and smiled into them. “So, is this it, crybaby?”

I snorted and wiped my face. I choked out, “That’s an affirmative.”

Willa stood, touching Bex on her shoulder. “You’re perfect, Rebecca.” She then dipped out of the dressing room.

Willa didn’t do emotion in front of others. By the time we caught up to her, she had herself together and was waiting for us just outside the store. She gave Bex a big smile and a congratulatory hug. Willa found her dress in the next store, we hit the lingerie store after that, then collected our freshly steamed dresses to go home.

“Come on, hormones,” Bex called, mimicking Willa from earlier. “It’s time for a drink.”

Willa laughed, accepting the rebuke, tucked her hand in my arm, and we headed to Rhys and Rebecca’s for a much-deserved drink.

Later, much later, when we were all more than a little inebriated, when the twins were sleeping, it was time for us to get home. Rhys ordered, “Rebecca, don’t you dare sleep!” He drove Willa and me home in Rebecca’s car, getting both of us into the truck would have taken some doing considering the lack of sobriety. He walked Willa inside, and called Zale, chuckling, to give him a heads up that I might need a bit of assistance.

Zale was waiting for me at the front door, a huge grin spreading across his usually impassive face as he watched me teeter my way into the house. He stood in the doorway, then walked toward me, waving to Rhys as he drove off. I openly admired his long legs, his thick muscular thighs encased in his jeans, and that rolling walk I loved so much.

He drew my attention back to his gorgeous face, rough with the day’s stubble. “You have a good day, gorgeous?”

I sighed. “The best.”

He grasped my hand and pulled me gently into the house, looking down at me over his shoulder. “Did you get me something?”

I brightened. “I did!”

He crinkled his eyes at me. “You going to put it on so I can take it off?”

Happiness bubbled up inside me. “Yup!”

I flew to the bathroom and slipped on the scraps of lace I’d bought for his pleasure, then met him in our room.

He took his time, but eventually he took it off, then got me off, in spectacular fashion.

Zale

He looked down at the form of his sleeping wife, her face relaxed, her breath even. She was happy today. He wished he had the key to keeping her that way. He pulled her up closer, tucking her face against his chest. She shifted against him, throwing her leg over his. He sighed and kissed her hair.

Never had he thought he could love like this. Love wasn’t a strong enough word for what he felt for her. He adored her. He had to stop getting up so early for work. It was cutting into his sleep, making him more tired at night, but if he didn’t put in a couple of hours in the morning before his shower, he was already behind the eight ball by the time he got into his office. Pay in the morning or pay at night. Neither was optimal.

He rolled into her softness.

He’d just have to catch up on his sleep on the weekends.

Zaleology

Mara

We’d had a few difficult days. I wondered if Olivia was picking up on my mood. So many emotions churned in my gut I’d be surprised if she hadn’t.

Anger, sometimes extreme, toward my mother for what she had done to me. If it were pure anger it would have been easier to handle but it was contaminated with guilt and grief, then further tainted by compassion. The excuses I made for her, probably valid, only served to increase my guilt, which increased my anger, which set the whole vicious cyclein motion again.

I worried that Olivia would one day feel like this about me. I suffered with the understanding of my crazy, but I agonized over the thought of forcing my crazy on Zale all these years.

Not telling him was taking its own toll, something I thought about at night in lieu of sleeping. I slept better on the nights we made love, but even then it was not for more than five hours, and the other nights I was lucky to get four. I was dragging, my energy was low, and my mood was volcanic.

My new storyline was hiding, Zale’s new normal was working late, which I needed to start accepting, and Olivia’s sensitivity was triggered. Shopping on Saturday with Willa and Bex was a blast, but I committed the cardinal sin of getting home after Olivia was asleep. Although I knew I’d pay for the anxiety a day away from me cost her, the payout was steeper than I anticipated. Slamming doors, screaming, throwing things, crying, she ricocheted between having a meltdown or curled up catatonic on the couch in a blanket nest recovering from a meltdown, nothing in between.

It had been days since we’d been able to leave the house. The visit to my mom on Monday, canceled. Swimming, canceled. I’d even moved schoolwork to the back burner in favor of pushing eating and brushing teeth. That made almost two weeks of mostly missed academics, which made me anxious.

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