Page 34 of Breathe Again

Bex stared at me for a minute, her eyes wide and laughing. “I can’t wait to tell him you said that!”

“Don’t! He’s going to get a complex. He already knows we talk too much.”

She sighed. “We do,” then looked at me sideways, searching, “how are things with Zale?”

“Good!”

They were good. We’d made love that morning, we’d bonded over coffee and our love for our daughter, he had held my hand in the car, and he’d smiled at me across the room twice since we arrived. I felt connected to him. I wondered at my angst from just a few days ago, the pain of it. It seemed far away and almost incomprehensible at that moment.

“That’s good. You’ve seemed off lately.”

My heart galloped in my chest. “What?”

“Off. You’ve seemed off. I’ve been worried.”

I nodded, looking down to gather my thoughts. “I have been struggling a bit more than usual, with things with my mom, some emotional stuff.”

“What’s going on with the emotional stuff?”

“I think I must have a hormonal deficiency, maybe I’m going through early menopause. I don’t know. I had a psychiatric assessment this week,” I spun my bracelet around my wrist, “just to rule out any kind of mental health issue.”

She nodded, her face serious. “That’s good. What did they say?”

“Nothing yet,” I lied.

She studied me with concern. “You’ll let me know what they say?”

“Of course!” I shrugged, feeling worse. I couldn’t tell her. I had to at least tell Zale first. I wasn’t even sure I believed it yet. There was no point telling her something that was not true. Maybe my feelings were normal, maybe everybody felt like this sometimes.

She continued. “Because if there is something, I want to be there for you. Okay?”

My fearful heart picked up its pace, afraid she detected something wrong in me. “You think there is something?”

She shook her head. “I’m not saying that. What I’m saying is that it wouldn’t be a huge surprise if you were struggling with something because you have a lot going on. And I’d want to be there for you if there was a way I could help. That’s all.”

I studied her face. She looked like she was telling the truth. If anyone knew me, she did. If something seemed wrong, she would have told me. Well, I guess she just did, she said I seemed off. Butthat was because of Zale. And my mother. And just the everyday pressures.

Amelie and Cole came downstairs with the dogs, Cole delivered Lilliput into Olivia’s lap, then trucked over to me. Amelie came straight over with Moony in her arms.

Cole was the spokesperson that day.

“Hi, Auntie Mara.”

I wasn’t his aunt, really, and he knew that, but because Bex and I were so close, Olivia had always called her aunt. Amelie automatically started calling me aunt, and Cole had followed suit, albeit a bit more slowly and cautiously, but it came easily to him now.

“Hey, big man. On a scale of one to five, how was your week?”

He cocked his head to the side, his mannerisms mimicking his dad. “It was a solid three and a half. It would have been higher, but Jenny Abbott tried to kiss me again.”

Amelie scowled.

I tried not to laugh. “I see. That would bring the overall score down. Did you tell her you didn’t want to kiss her?”

“I’ve already had the consonant discussion,” he replied in a bored voice. “I’ll tell her tomorrow people are not allowed to kiss without consonant. She’s my girlfriend so she’ll listen.”

“Good, that’s really good. Consent is important.”

“Right.” His little face flushed. “Consent is important.”

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