Page 33 of Breathe Again

“I wish I was more like Sophie.”

“Really?” Zale’s eyebrows went up in surprise.

“Of course!”

“I love her, don’t get me wrong.” He shook his head. “But I couldn’t handle that energy and chaos all the time. I like you, baby,just the way you are. Dean’s happy with his woman. He fought,” he laughed, “literally fought, for her. I’m happy with mine.”

I watched the winter landscape, cold and barren, slide past us out the window. It looked how I felt. What would it be like to be fought for? To be wanted that badly, worthy of any effort.

Not for the first time, I wished I had not chased Zale. I wished he’d been the one to chase me. Not for the first time, I wondered if it would have made a difference to the war constantly waging inside me.

Once home we undressed and got into pjs. Disney Plus streamed Olivia’s pick, and Zale passed out on the couch within minutes.

Not for the first time, I worried, was he tired or was he trying to escape? Once I worked up the courage, I would tell him about my appointment, and then I’d offer him the escape he might be seeking. It would almost be a relief to let him go. It was a terrible weight to be a disappointment, a burden. I could be free of that. I wondered if a broken heart would be worse than the pain of not being good enough. I knew it would. Losing him would be agony.

Still.

I owed it to him to give him an out.

Joy

Mara

Sunday morning, I woke much like I had the day before, Zale’s big, warm body curled around my back, the front of his long thighs pressed against the backs of mine, my bum nestled in his groin, only this time his lips were busy at the back of my neck, his hand lightly molded my breast under my camisole, and his hips gently rocked against my ass.

There was no time for coherent thought, just a sweeping away of all thought, leaving only sensation and instinct, leaving me feeling safe, warm, and seen. We ended in much the same position as we began, Zale tight against my back, his mouth pressed against myshoulder, his arm tight around my waist. We stayed that way until we heard Olivia begin to stir.

She was raring to go again today, this time to visit Moony and Lilliput, Bex’s chihuahuas, also adopted from the shelter. This was not typical for Olivia, in fact, I’d thought after the double visit yesterday we might have to cancel today, but she was determined to deliver her cards. She had two left. She was bringing Willa’s in hopes that she might be there too.

I loved Sunday mornings. Zale was always rested, and we lazed over our coffee while Olivia puttered. Sitting at the kitchen table with him, both of us smiling as we watched her chat away to her cat who was meowing back at regular intervals, was the best kind of sweet. Olivia lay on her back on the couch, her hand contorted to make a hand dragon, a dragon that was flying around Sirius who lounged drowsily on Olivia’s chest.

Wings and flight had always fascinated her. She knew the bone structure of a bird’s wing, and could draw the joints, without ever having seen a diagram of a bird skeleton. She figured this out based on her own observations.

She noticed details that other people missed, and she opened our world as much as we hoped to open hers. While it was true that we worried over Olivia, at that moment, all seemed right in my world. She gave us incredible happiness. We had named her aptly when we named her Olivia Joy.

She packed her bag of happiness, and we took our time getting ready, ate lunch, then left for Rhys and Bex’s place. Only Rhys greeted us at the door. The whole family used to come to the door when we got there, but the routine had changed over the past few visits. This marked the second or third time that it was only Rhys who answered the door. It was to him that Olivia gave her card and he immediately smacked it onto the fridge, nestled amongst Amelie’s many creations.

Once we were in and settled, I remembered to ask Bex about it.

“Why does Rhys answer the door by himself all the time and you hang back?”

“Oh, Barrett mentioned that when we all gather at the door, it makes Olivia tense. We did an experiment to see if he was right. He was. Rhys won.”

“What do you mean, Rhys won?”

“We took turns answering the door. First I answered, and there was an improvement, then the kids answered, there was no improvement, then Rhys answered, and she came in relaxed. It didn’t take her any time at all to acclimate herself. Rhys won.”

She pursed her lips.

“You’re disgruntled about it.”

“Well, yeah…”

I laughed. “It’s probably the combination of your energy and mine colliding at the door that is the problem.”

“Yes,” she nodded, smirking. “Let’s blame you.”

“I thought it was some weird alpha male thing.”

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