Page 11 of Crimson Flames

“You have her gun, I see.”

His hand instantly goes to the weapon as if he could shield it from me.

“She gave it to me, and she’s the only one I’ll give it back to.”

His sharp and firm voice is such a contrast to his small frame. Cillian walks over, and Evie stands to give him the seat next to Kai. He looks like shit, his hair standing up in all different directions, red eyes framed by dark circles.

“You can keep it until she wakes up,” Cillian says. “She’ll want you to be there.”

The kid sits straighter, a small smile tilting his lips. It seems that he is attached to this family already, and they have welcomed him into their circle. He doesn’t act like a child, he acts like one of them. A fighter.

Evie locks eyes with me. “Let’s get everyone some coffee,” she suggests.

Or tea. Tea will help me reset. A cuppa is the cure for everything, as us Brits like to say.

Once we are out in the corridor, she helps answer some of my questions. “That is Kai. Nessa saved him from being executed, and he feels close to her. He was right next to her when she was shot. He tried to jump in front of her, but Nessa pushed him out of the way.”

“So, he blames himself,” I assume, and Evie nods. “But Cillian and Boris don’t blame him?”

“They don’t appear to. Cillian pulled him in for a bro hug thing when we showed up with him, and Boris made a very Boris-like gesture of approval. It’s weird, it was almost like he was their kid or something.”

So they have trauma bonded. These types of bonds can create unhealthy codependency for kids, in addition to added pressure on the adults in their lives. They can also end up triggering each other by accident, so I will need to work closely with them to help make sure their attachment to each other develops in a secure and healthy way.

“Have you tried to get him to go back to the house?” I ask.

I’m curious what his response was. She snorts before taking a sip of her coffee.

“Yes, and it was a disaster. Kai is nearly as well trained as any of us. He may not have the experience, but he has the skill.”

Evie looks off thoughtfully into the distance before her gaze meets mine.

“I think he deserves to be here though. He helped us save those kids. He needs people he can rely on after what he witnessed, and who better than the ones who know what he saw?”

While I agree that he deserves to know the outcome, I disagree that it’s his place to be here. He should be back at the house with the other children, learning to be a kid again. Not the soldier I just witnessed.

Evie and I make coffees for the others as she walks me through everything that happened. I sip my tea before heading back to the room, letting it aid in calming my nerves.

It’s another few hours before we hear anything, but by the time the sun is rising, Doc walks through the doors of the waiting room.

I can tell he’s exhausted. The bags under his eyes could carry everything but the kitchen sink, sorrow filling his features. He’s a special sort of handsome, but even that seems to be dulled by the words he’s about to speak.

My heart stutters in my chest as he looks at Boris and Cillian, who are now both sitting beside Kai with Alexi.

“I was able to stop the bleeding and she should wake up fairly soon. But…” He looks around the room, his face falling even more. I already know what he’s going to say, and I wish with everything in me that it wasn’t the truth. “I could not save the baby.”

A weighted eerie silence fills the room as all of us process his words. It’s Alexi who stands first, then he promptly leaves, slamming the door behind him. Evie follows, nodding at me to stay. Laney buries her face in Arrow’s chest, and he holds her close. Kai looks torn between rage and sorrow.

But nothing compares to the way Boris and Cillian break right before my eyes. In all the time I’ve worked for this organization, never once have I known Boris to cry. As his lip wobbles and tears begin to fall in rapid succession, I know that I have never seen true pain before this moment.

Cillian grabs at his hair, beginning to hyperventilate. Before any of us need to instruct him, he puts his head between his legs and lets out a scream I know will haunt me for the rest of my life.

The sound is potent with grief and chilling to the bone, seemingly endless as it reverberates around the room. His whole body shakes with the force of it. Doc tries to step forward, but I hold out a hand to stop him.

Grief like this can put others in a fragile state of mind, and I don’t know Cillian well enough to know what he needs or what will set him off. I’m pissed off at myself that I’m in a situation where someone so close to Nessa is basically unknown to me.

Boris covers his face as Doc moves to him and squeezes his shoulder, tears in his eyes as well.

“I am so sorry, my friend.” Doc’s voice cracks, and he turns away from us all.

---