Page 149 of Crimson Tears

“Alright, so what’s your big idea?” Cillian dusts his hands off on his pants before crossing his arms to lean back against the house.

“I am thinking of a date.”

His brows pinch, then one of them lifts slightly. “A date?”

“Precisely.” I cross my arms. “One where we work together to make her happy and show her we are capable of making the big decisions.”

He nods, but his face says he does not think this is going to work.

“And how would you propose we do that?”

“The idea of being a mother can be overwhelming because of all of the choices she will need to make. I propose we take some of the bigger choices from her. She will be making a lot of decisions with her own body; we can make the others.”

Cillian nods, but I can tell he does not fully understand.

“You and I will design a nursery together and present it to her on the date. We will also give her a list of names we both agree on so that she does not have to go between us when choosing.Basically, if we can take some of the weight off of her shoulders, we do. We need to show her that we can be a team.”

“A team?” He snorts.

“Laugh all you want, Kid. But when we talked, she said that one of her fears was that we would disagree and cause arguments. Another was that one of us would love it less because it would not be our biological child.”

“We will disagree though,” Cillian says, shaking his head. He already believes we cannot do this.

“Kid, look at me.” His eyes find mine and I give him a stern expression. “She was not afraid that we would argue, she was afraid that we would not be able to find a solution; that the decisions small and large would always defer to her.”

“That’s ridiculous,” he says, throwing his hands in the air. “We find solutions now just fine without her help. We have never forced her to be in the middle of our arguing.”

I nod. “I agree, but now, we just need her to see that. Having a child will change things. We can have discussions about our disagreements, but we have to be more careful in front of them and model our behavior correctly. This will require you to think before speaking. Are you capable of such things?”

Tilting my head, I bait him to see if he will rise above or prove that maybe this is not a possibility for us. But it’s then that he proves himself, just like he did that night he said he wouldn’t leave Nessa for money.

“I do think before I speak, Old Man. It’s more fun to say the sarcastic thing to you instead of the politically correct one, but for our kid, I could work on that.”

I chuckle at his candor. “Do not worry. In private, we can still pick on each other.”

He winks at me. “I look forward to it.”

We both lean on the house, gazing out at the setting sun.

“What would you like to discuss first? The names or the nursery?”

His eyes light up as he turns his head to me.

“We can give her a boy or girl option, as well as a gender neutral one. I think a muted green dinosaur theme for a boy and a ballerina pink princess room for a girl. And we can’t forget the soft blankets and extra large, plush rocking chair for Ness.”

I smile, picturing us assembling the rooms together for our little one. As much as I give Cillian shit, he really is good to our girl. I have no doubt he will be good to our child.

“I like this. We need to remember what she has been through as we present these things to her. I want her to feel secure, not overwhelmed. We should be mindful of holding her hand or making sure that she stays in the present with us.”

Cillian runs his tongue over his lips and I already know what he is thinking before it comes out of his mouth.

“I am pretty good at keeping her in the present with my hands.”

I roll my eyes at his theatrics. That whole thinking before speaking will need more work than I anticipated.

“What should the kid call us?” Cillian asks. “Don’t worry, I’ll teach them to call you Old Man at some point, but that is too much for a baby to say.”

I shake my head.This is going to be a trip.

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