Page 148 of Crimson Tears

A tear falls down my cheek—because making this decision feels so much harder now.

“You can still terminate the pregnancy,” Doc informs me as he begins to wipe down my stomach.

Both of my men tighten their grip on my hands. “But I would make a decision soon. The longer you go, the harder it will be on your body, and it’s unlawful in most countries to terminate after nine weeks, but others go to fourteen. Ultimately, it’s your decision because we don’t have to worry about laws here. I would just advise you to make it soon.”

“Can you give me one week?” I ask and he nods his agreement.

“The blood tests should tell me the gender, if you wish to know.”

Immediately, I shake my head no. That will make it too real. I need a clear head and time to think, and I won’t be able to do that if I keep thinking of this tiny thing as a person.

Doc doesn’t look at my men, making me feel so much more comfortable with him. This is my decision, and I have a strong feeling he will fight for it to stay that way, even if Boris or Cillian have something to say about it.

He packs up his equipment and leaves, the room eerily silent after the latch clicks. I’m still on the side of the bed, Cillian lyingnext to me, and Boris is standing beside us with my hands in theirs.

“One week?” Cillian asks.

“One week,” I agree.

After hearing their angry, heartsick words, the least I can do is give them a chance to convince me this is our best choice. If not, then I’ll make the impossible decision that they could not and carry that burden for all of us.

Chapter 44

Nessa asked to be alone while she processed everything, so we gave her some space. I think we both need the time to sort through this as well.

I step outside and head to where I saw Cillian run off to. When I found him earlier, he was pacing, running his fingers through his hair as he mumbled to himself.

He looked precisely how I felt. I was the one to tell him that Nessa did not want to keep the baby, and he took off with haste. Now, I need to know what our game plan is going to be.

One week, she gave us one week.I cannot help but think that she wants this child. Perhaps she needs to know that we will fight to have it, or to feel secure that we will not blame her should anything happen to them.

I was selfish when I asked her to keep the baby without truly considering her fears. If I had taken the time to understand her thoughts, maybe our conversation could have gone differently. But I cannot change the past, so I will have to do better in the future. For her, and for our little one.

First, that small little foot made me feel emotions I have not felt in years. But it was hearing the heartbeat that did me in, causing me to surrender my whole heart right there on the spot. It was one of the few moments in time that made my knees grow weak.

I was careful not to show that though, so Cillian did not make an old man joke. I know that I will be in my seventies by the time our child goes to college, but I will love them for as long as I breathe, exactly as I vowed to her.

Turning the corner, I smell the scent of cigarettes and find Cillian sitting against the back of the house, smoking.

“You do know that can kill you, right?”

Smoking is already a nasty habit, but doing it around a pregnant woman should be considered a crime. Actually, I have heard that it is a crime in some places.

He shrugs. “I’m not afraid of death.”

I roll my eyes. He is such a petulant child sometimes. I could hear him fighting with Nessa, and it is clear that he needs to get his act together if we are going to do this.

“Put that out,” I order. “It is bad for all of us, including our future child. We need to come up with a plan to prove to her we can care for this baby.”

He gazes up at me, disbelief on his face. “You really think we have a chance here, Padre?”

I gesture to the cigarette in his hand. “Not if you continue to make ignorant choices. Proving to Nessa that we are capable of keeping our child safe would probably not go over well if we start off with you exposing her and the unborn baby to a cancerous substance.”

He snuffs out the burning end in the dirt before standing and walking to the trash. Good thing too, I would have slapped him upside the head if he had tossed it in our yard.

Sometimes, I feel like Nessa and I already have a child when Cillian is around.What’s one more?

I shake that thought off. Saying that would only lead to arguments. We need to prove to her that we can be a team right now.

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