Page 137 of Crimson Tears

I wait, still holding his hand because I think he does know, he just doesn’t want to say.

“I’m fecked in the head, Ness.”

“No, you’re not.” My hand rests over his heart. “Tell me.”

“I watched you for so long. But one thing that always made me feel like I could walk away was seeing you embrace everything that knocked you to the ground. You would stand as if you were stomping on all the doubts. If you didn’t, if you would have stayed down, I would have come in to rescue you.”

He looks at me then, and I feel like I’m beginning to understand what he means.

“But you never let it keep you down. Every time you cried, I was able to witness you get back up. Your strength in those moments made me proud. It fed a piece of my soul that was dying. I became obsessed with watching it. Then I wanted to see you cry for other reasons, ones that didn’t cause you pain, but instead, pleasure. I wanted to see that gleam in your eyes that said you would take it and become stronger because of it.” His gentle fingers stroke my cheek.

“I wanted you to cry forme.”

“Why me?” I need to know why he waited for me, why he sacrificed it all forme. The broken girl who cried herself to sleep at night and had to force herself out of bed in the morning just to face another day of agony.

“I’ve been in love with you since I knew what love was. My life could have been simple. It’s what my parents wanted, it was why they refused to let me join the Reapers and why they stood up to your father, even though they knew what it would mean for them.”

My heart crushes as I feel his pain. Cillian loved his parents, and they loved him until their last breaths.

“Without you, I never would’ve known what real love was. But now that I do, I realize just how sweet and achingly beautiful life is. You showed me that pain only makes the good times brighter, and that no dark tunnel can last forever.” Cillian leans in and presses a kiss to my forehead.

“It was because I watched you always get back up that I kept coming back, and then, you morphed into someone who no longer needed me to protect her, but I did anyway. Every chance I could make someone bleed for hurting you, I did.”

I cup his face in my hands as we press our foreheads together. “I will always need you,” I breathe.

His arms wrap around me, pulling me flush against him. “Just as I will always need you, my love.”

When we separate, I straddle the sofa like he asked and lower myself onto it. The cool leather greets my wet center, making me gasp.

“Are you already turned on, Sweetheart?” Cillian asks as he removes what looks like some rope and a dildo from the bag.

My nipples are hard, and I want nothing more than to rub my legs together just to get more friction. But I love to tease him, so I respond with a sarcastic, “Nope.”

He grins as he walks toward me with a bundle of black rope and a very large purple dildo with a suction cup base.

“What are you going to do with those?” I ask, eyeing the length and girth of the purple monster bobbing up and down with each step Cillian takes.

“Oh, Sweetheart. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Cillian walks behind me and runs a finger down my arm before pulling both of my hands to my back. “Are you going to cry for me?”

“You have to earn it.”

Wickedly chuckling in my ear, he begins to tie knots up my forearms and whispers, “Oh, I’ll earn everything you can give me.”

When he’s finished, he checks the rope, making sure it’s not too tight. It makes me feel cared for even when I’m the one at his mercy. I know without a doubt he is going to bring me just as much pleasure as I bring him, if not more.

He walks over to the bag one more time and takes out what looks like another silicone cock, but when he presses a button, this one begins to move.

My eyes widen immediately, and he clicks on the vibrator while laughing. “You’re going to love this. After all, two cocks are better than one. Right, Ness?”

Oh my heavens. I’m never going to be able to walk again. I can’t feckin’ wait.

He helps lift me to stand and turns off the contraption before suctioning it right where there’s a visible wet spot. My cheeks burn as Cillian watches me.

“The chair was made to hold onto these at any angle.” He places the purple one just an inch behind it, and my mouth falls open.

“Oh don’t worry, Love. I’ll be filling that hole too.”

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