Page 22 of A Wilder Wedding

And I shouldn’t have been shocked.

“Can I get you something to eat? You should be resting.” Amos ran his hands through his hair and then cursed under his breath.

“Did I hurt you again? You should have been resting, not me being a fucking neanderthal and taking you like I did.”

I let him speak, rambling about how I needed to be cared for, how I needed to rest. And I knew if I didn’t leave right now, I wouldn’t. And I would be stuck in the same cycle as before.

With a man who cared for me. But didn’t see a future.

Because if he had, he would’ve said something before now.

“We can’t do that again.”

He paused in his ramblings right as I spoke, then frowned. “Of course not. You were hurt. Come on, let’s go rest. And you’re right, one of the Wilders will probably show up any minute to make sure you’re safe. Hell, I turned on the security alarm when we walked in, but I need to double-check it.”

My heart ached, because I knew he was trying so damn hard. But I was tired.

I loved him so much and this was going to break me. But it would be worth it. For both of us.

“We can’t do that again because I’m never going to hate you, Amos. And that’s the problem.”

He froze in the act of looking at the alarm before turning towards me. “What are you talking about, Naomi?”

In that moment I saw all our months together, our years. He had always been there, taking care of me, but would push me away when things got to be too much. Because I was too young for him, or was too much like his ex. Or maybe that’s just what I told myself because I needed to believe there was a reason he didn’t want to be with me.

I was stronger than this.

“I can’t do this again because I will never hate you. How can I hate you, Amos? I love you.”

I said the words I had told myself I would never say aloud, and his eyes widened in surprise.

How could he be surprised? After so many years of me wanting him, he looked fucking surprised.

“Amos? If we keep doing this, if I keep letting myself fall, I won’t hate you. I’ll hate myself. And I don’t know how to fix that.” I paused, and yet he didn’t say anything. He didn’t tell me that he loved me too. That he wanted to be with me forever. He let me speak. Which he always did. But I needed him to say something. And when he didn’t, I finally continued, “I’m going to leave. I can find a job anywhere. The Wilders said that Roy’s team could use me.”

His eyes narrowed at that, but I didn’t let him ask why I would know that. Because I had spoken to Eli about this. Not this exact situation, but when he had given me my last raise, we talked about my future. And when I mentioned something possibly outside of the Wilders, he had looked hurt but was also my boss. We were friends, all of us, but the Wilders were my employers. So they knew there was life for me outside of here. And Roy’s team needed a new innkeeper and executive manager. That could be me. It should be me. Because Amos needed to be here, and I couldn’t be near him anymore.

“Naomi.”

I shook my head. “No. I’m going to go. Right now, and probably for good. Because I can’t love you anymore. It’s killing me to love you. And I can’t try to hate you anymore. It’s not worth it for either of us.”

I moved past him and went to the door.

“Naomi.”

“What can you say to make me stay, Amos? Anything you say will just make it worse. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for being there when I needed you. But this is so unhealthy for both of us. And I don’t want to hate you,” I repeated.

I opened the door to see Ridge standing there, and I wanted to cry. Why was he there? Had Amos asked him to get me to leave? Or was Amos letting me leave so easily because he didn’t want me there?

I pushed those thoughts out of my mind because they didn’t matter. This was on me. This was my choice. And I was going to be the one who did this. Not him, not anyone else.

This was on me.

“Hey. Sorry I’m interrupting.”

Ridge’s gaze took in my disheveled hair and new clothes, then looked over Amos, and raised a brow. But the man didn’t say anything. Good, because I didn’t want to break down right there. I was pretty sure I would any minute.

“We were just having a conversation,” Amos said, as if willing Ridge to leave.

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