Page 39 of Inked Devotion

“You didn’t have to,” Michelle said. “This is…I love you. Seriously. I have never said that to a man before, but I just want you to know that I love you from the deepest part of my heart. You will be a part of this baby’s life, and I cannot believe I just said that we’re going to have a baby.”

She leaned forward, pressed her lips to mine, bringing a laugh out of me. Then she kissed her wife before Laura kissed me, and everybody started clapping, and I knew they had no idea what was going on, but from an outsider’s perspective, it probably looked like we were having a lot more fun than we were.

“I am so excited for you.”

“I’m so excited that you’re doing this,” Laura said. “You’re going to help us have a baby.”

“I’m going to do my best. And not in a weird sense.” I cringed as they laughed.

“Well, we can go over all the details later, but for now, let’s have a glass of champagne and just talk to one another because soon one of us isn’t going to be able to have alcohol for a while.”

“Because I should be pregnant,” Laura said as she threw her hands up in the air.

We did indeed have a champagne lunch, then I sat with my friends. I might admit this might not be the most conventional way to bring a life into the world, but I was damn glad that I was saying yes.

I was moving forward with my life, making decisions. My thoughts of Brenna and what part of me wanted didn’t need to be part of it. We had walked away from each other without saying a word, and that was for the best. I needed her to be my friend. I needed her to be in my life. That meant we had to put what had happened behind us and not think about it again, even if the thought of that wasn’t easy. For now, I was making other people happy. I’d find my place in the world—without Brenna by my side or in my thoughts.

Chapter 10

Brenna

My back hurt, my head ached, and my wrists continued to make that little crackling sound every time I moved the piping bag. I didn’t care. Today was a big day.

Today was baby day. It cost me a considerable chunk of change, but it was what I’d wanted. I wanted to be pregnant. I wanted a baby. I wanted it for myself. Not for my siblings or my cousins or my family. Yes, they kept making different jokes or comments about it, kind of, but in the end, nothing they said penetrated. I wanted to be a mother. I knew if this try didn’t work, then I wouldn’t be doing it again. I honestly couldn’t afford it. I would turn to becoming a foster mother and then adopting, which were also expensive but wouldn’t tax my body more than I was already doing. I had plans, and I would make those plans work.

At least, that’s what I kept telling myself.

I was nervous. Then again, I had been nervous most of the day and hadn’t been feeling quite well. I didn’t have a fever, but I had been nauseous earlier and had even thrown up a couple of times. I knew it was because I was stressed out and hadn’t been able to keep anything down because of what would happen later, so I didn’t worry all too much.

After I finished this cake, and then the order of specialty cupcakes, I would head to my doctors, and things would take the next step. Part of me couldn’t quite believe that this is what I was doing. That this was the next step of my life. And again, I hadn’t imagined I’d still be perpetually single at my age, not that there was anything wrong with my age. I thought maybe I’d be on the same path as my siblings and best friends by now.

Annabelle was married and pregnant with twins. Paige was well on her way to getting engaged. We all knew it; we just figured Colton was taking his time, and knowing Paige, if she genuinely felt as if it were time and didn’t want to wait any longer, she would ask him herself. That’s who Paige was. Someone who took life by the lens and made her happiness happen. I was taking a cue from her, after all.

Eliza was finding her new life with Beckett. She was taking her steps in this dance, and I loved her for it. I would take my own steps. My own chances. Hopefully, soon I would be able to tell my friends exactly what steps I had taken. Yes, I still hadn’t told them about my plans. I had wanted it to be mine. Benjamin knew, but he hadn’t told his family and our friends either. Of course, he hadn’t told anyone about anything from that trip, for that matter, but I wasn’t going to dwell on that. Because if I did, I wouldn’t stop thinking about it.

I had slept with Benjamin Montgomery. I couldn’t forget that. I thought about it every night as I went to sleep and probably would continue to think about it until the end of my days. Even if I told myself that there was no need to, that things would get back to normal. In the weeks since we had come back to town, we had both dived headlong into work and rarely seen each other, other than two times at Riggs’ where we had casually not spoken to one another or acknowledged each other’s existence.

I had made a mistake. Benjamin would never be a mistake. Not in that sense. That would be horrible to him to even say that. But I was afraid we had truly ruined our friendship because of one night.

And a second kiss.

I would worry about what I was supposed to do or say to make things better later. I would. I promised myself that much. However, first, I needed to get pregnant.

I spluttered a bit as I thought the words, grateful that I was alone in my bakery for the evening. I had two staff members who came in and helped with the big things, and with the minute chocolates and other items that took time and more than two hands, but I usually worked on many of my decorations on my own. I was a specialty cake decorator, was highly sought after, and had a months-long waiting list.

When a magazine had come, had heard about me through a friend’s wedding, they had put me on their cover, at least my cake, and the foodie show had even done a spot on me. I might not be famous, I was not a celebrity chef, but because of that, people heard of my cakes enough that I had a business that worked.

Those two staff members would have to help me greatly when the baby came, but I would deal with that. It wasn’t going to be easy, nothing, when it came to parenting, was, but I would find a way. I wanted this. I wanted it at all.

I would find a way, I told myself again.

I sat down the piping bag, looked over my work before I gripped the edge of the table. I should have eaten something earlier, maybe some saltines or something that I could keep down, but I had been too nervous.

I shook it off, chugged down the rest of my water, and went about cleaning up after myself. I had to finish up these cupcakes, and then I could head over.

I knew I should call one of my friends, and I shouldn’t be doing this on my own. I was stubborn, and people knew that. My mother had always said that she should have given me the middle name Stubborn, and she was probably right. I wasn’t sure who I was supposed to call, because if I did, I would have to explain what I wanted and what goals I had. The only person who knew and understood right at that moment was Benjamin, and I knew he couldn’t be the one that I would call.

If I called him, he would come. He would be by my side, and he would hold my hand, and he would make sure I was safe.

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