Page 81 of Shameless With Him

Chapter 17

Zoey

I stood in the doorway,my whole body shaking, and I hoped I looked like I was sane, that I had the strength I needed. Because I certainly didn’t feel like I did.

Caleb lay there in a hospital bed, machines hooked to him, an IV in his arm. He looked so different. Scared? Worried? Exhausted? I had seen some of the signs before. But when I’d asked…he’d lied to me.

Lied.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

I hadn’t meant those words to be the first thing out of my mouth, but I couldn’t help it. I should have asked how he was, what the plan was. But, no, he’d hurt me, and I needed to know why. The fact that Amelia had already filled me in on the other details just made my pain more real.

Because Caleb would clearly rather push me away, lying and making me feel like I was worthless, rather than tell me the truth. I didn’t know if I could come back from that. Because as I looked at him now, I saw the boy he had been, the man I had loved since I was eight. And I didn’t know how to fix this.

How could I put those two images together—the boy he had been who’d evolved into the caring man I knew, with the man who had broken me?

“I don’t know,” he said, and he let out a sigh. “Can you come in? I’d like to talk to you.”

“Now? You want to talk now.” I smiled, but there was nothing happy about it. I didn’t want to be bitter, though. This wasn’t me. And I couldn’t let this change me more than it already had. This was our first true fight, and I didn’t know if it was going to be our last.

Because he was in a hospital bed, I took the few steps into the room and closed the door behind me.

“I really shouldn’t be here. You need some sleep.”

“No, don’t go.”

“Your sister called me and told me what happened.”

He swallowed hard. “She told you everything?”

“About the doctor visits, why you moved here, everything. It’s something you should’ve done. We were together for how long? And even if it was just a pity fuck the entire time, I deserve better than that.”

I wasn’t crying, I was angry.

At my use of crude language, Caleb’s eyes widened. “Jesus, Zoey. You were never a pity fuck.”

“But that’s what you made me feel like today. By bringing her.”

“Christy’s just a friend. I told you that. And she knew that going in.”

“Yes, I actually met her.” His eyes went wide. He looked comical, and I let out a rueful laugh. “Yes, she came up to me to make sure that I knew that she wasn’t poaching. That she had only come to make sure you knew what a great girl I was or some crap like that. And the thing is? Just like with every other woman I’ve met who’s been with you, I couldn’t hate her.”

“What are you talking about?”

I shook my head, a smile playing on my lips at my own naivety. “I couldn’t hate her because you didn’t treat her poorly. And she walked away happy. Even if she couldn’t have you, she was still happy in the end. I’ve never understood that. How you could go through so many women throughout your life, and they could all walk away knowing that they had a part of you. Still feeling fulfilled in the end.”

“Zoey.”

“I’m not done yet.”

“You’re right.” He closed his mouth, studying me. What would he see? The remains of the woman who had loved him? The scorned woman who felt as if she could burn this place to the ground?

Or Zoey. Hopeless. Lost. And here.

“Every time I saw you outside of our group of friends, you were always with another woman. Even when we were eight and in Hawaii with that little girl that pushed me into the water by accident, you were still with another woman.”

“I was eight, and she wasn’t my girlfriend.”

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