Page 42 of Fallen Ink

Dammit.

* * *

Mace dropped off Daisy at his parents’ house later since it was the weekend and she didn’t have school. He went to work and tried to act as if everything was normal and his whole center of being hadn’t changed monumentally. Shep would be into work for closing that night since it was his turn, and Ryan had an appointment he couldn’t miss, so he’d left as soon as Mace walked in. That left him and Adrienne working side by side as they had countless times before at MIT and their prior shop, as well. She’d given him a weird look when she asked him what was wrong, and he’d lied and said everything was fine, but she didn’t question him. Thankfully, they were beyond busy with appointments and walk-ins. It made him think that maybe all of the issues surrounding them hadn’t hurt the shop as much as they had thought. But even those worries were in the back of his mind because he was trying to figure out how to let one of the brightest parts of his life go.

He was such an asshole, yet in order to be the father he needed to be, he had to be an even bigger asshole than he already was.

Adrienne would hate him. He knew it. Her family would probably hate him, too. It was going to make working with her and the rest of them almost impossible, yet he would just have to deal with it unless it hurt her too much. Because this was the bed he’d made, and now he had to lay in it. This was why he had tried not to do what they were doing to begin with. He had known that everything was too tangled and complicated, yet he had gone forward anyway, thinking that they could handle anything. He was wrong. So damn wrong. And he needed to figure out a way to make it work again. Because in the end, he had to put Daisy first. She deserved to be first in someone’s life. Her mother had already put work and her own personal dreams ahead of what Daisy wanted and needed to survive.

So now, he found himself at home with his best friend standing in his living room, staring at him because he’d been unable to tell her why he’d asked her over while Daisy was still at his parents’. Adrienne had to know that something was off, but he had to do this for Daisy. She was the only thing that could matter, even though so many other things mattered to him, as well. But his daughter had to come first.

“Just tell me, Mace,” Adrienne said quickly. “What’s wrong?”

“I think it’s time we go back to being just friends before we hurt any chances of getting back there,” he blurted, his hands fisted at his sides.

Her eyes widened, and she took a step back. “Just like that? No explanations? No, I deserve better than that, Mace. We both do. I know it was a risk when we started down this path, but what changed?”

He needed to be open and honest, and because of that, he told her the truth. Maybe if she saw the whys of it, it wouldn’t hurt as bad in the end.

“Jeaniene gave up full custody. Not only is she staying in Japan for longer for her job, she also gave up full parental rights. So it’s not just custody and visitation. She signed over Daisy to me as if she weren’t part of the beginning of our daughter’s life at all.”

“Are you serious? How could she do that to Daisy? That little girl is like the best little girl ever, and I say that having a niece and cousins who have many amazing babies of their own. What the hell is that woman thinking that she could just walk out of Daisy’s life as if these past four years were nothing?”

Some part deep inside of him relished the fact that the first thing that came to Addi’s mind was about his daughter’s welfare and not the fact that he had just said that things needed to go back to the way they were. But he needed to do what she was doing and focus on Daisy first, and then he would make sure that Adrienne understood what he needed to feel for her—or not feel for her.

“I need to make sure that no matter what happens, I’m not going to throw off Daisy’s equilibrium any more than it already is.”

“And I’m a hindrance to that.” She folded her hands over her stomach that hadn’t quite hunched in on itself as she spoke. She was such a strong and independent woman, he hated that he was doing this to her. But they had to make this work. He had to find a way to not hurt the two most important females in his life, but he was afraid that each decision he made was just making things worse and worse. He was just grasping at straws at this point, but he needed to make sure that he didn’t screw everything up more than it already was.

She didn’t pose her last statement as a question, but he answered her anyway.

“I’m not saying that. Not really. She asked if you were going to go away with her mom to Japan, Addi. I can’t stand back and watch my daughter go through such turmoil again because she’s afraid of losing someone else in her life. She should’ve been able to trust her mom, but she couldn’t. And now I have to hope she can trust me, and because of that, I don’t know if I can let her start seeing you as someone other than just a friend in her life. I can’t watch my little girl cry again because an adult in her life leaves. I can’t put you in that role.”

“I was never in that role. I know who I am when it comes to Daisy. And the fact that you don’t trust me to be a better person than Jeaniene when it comes to that little girl’s heart says more about you than it does me. I’m going to let the knowledge that everything in your life has changed so much in the last few weeks help me and let what you said slide. Because that is what you do when you love someone. And, yes, I love you. I didn’t mean for it to happen, not like this, but I do. And the fact that you think I could hurt your daughter makes me feel like I don’t even know you.”

“Addi.”

She held up her hand, her shoulders going back, and her gaze meeting his. “Fine. Sign your papers. Sign anything you need. Take your breather and try to get your head on straight as you work on figuring out exactly what your next step will be. When you’re done with that, we can talk. Because you don’t get to do this. You don’t get to throw everything we have away because you’re scared. You know as well as I do that there’s no way we can go back to the way we were. We’re well beyond going back to acting as if our relationship hasn’t been changed monumentally. I love you, damn it. And not just as my best friend. Get yourself together, Knight. Because you’re better than this. We are better than this.”

And with that, she walked out of his house and slammed the door behind her. He’d always loved when she was angry because she never held back, and it was sexy as hell. But he knew the anger this time was hiding her pain. Pain he had put her through because he was trying to handle everything the best way he knew how. But he was going about it all wrong. He knew that, and he wasn’t sure how to fix it.

He wasn’t sure if he could fix it.

And he’d just watched his best friend walk out of his house—possibly his life—for the last time.

Chapter 15

Her mother had always told her that not only did Santa never come to a dirty house, but the new year also couldn’t start without a clean home. So when you needed to work through the feelings and thoughts running through your head, cleaning until there wasn’t a speck of dust left in your house was the only way to do it.

Adrienne was just about out of cleaning products and elbow grease, and sadly, nowhere near where she needed to be mentally to see Mace again the next morning at work.

Damn it all to hell.

Tears burned the backs of her eyes, and she let them fall, knowing no one was around to see her look weak and feel. She could have called her sisters, and had already dodged one call from Thea, but she needed time to think and just be alone for a while.

She’d let herself be happy.

She’d let herself hope.

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