Page 41 of Fallen Ink

He couldn’t understand it at all, and every time he asked himself another question, he just got angrier. It was all he could do not to throw his phone across the room and scream at the world for the situation Jeaniene had put him in. He’d spent the past month trying to figure out how to be a full-time dad to a little girl who looked at him as if he could carry the world on his shoulders, and now he would have to tell her that everything she’d thought was true was wrong.

He hadn’t hated Jeaniene when the first custody agreement had been put into place. He hadn’t even hated her when she left Daisy on his doorstep with no warning. But now that he knew she would inevitably break their daughter’s heart, yeah, he hated her. And he hated himself for ever being with a woman who could do that.

Adrienne popped into his mind and how he knew she would never do that to someone she loved, or hell, anyone at all, but he quickly pushed those thoughts to the side. He couldn’t put her in the same sphere as the thoughts that were currently swirling around in his brain. It wasn’t fair to anyone, and frankly, the more he added on to his shoulders right then, the more he knew he might just break and not be the man he needed to be for his daughter.

Jeaniene had done this to him. And he was going to find out why.

“Mace? You still there?”

He let out a curse, remembering that he was still on the phone with the lawyer. He gruffly said, “Yeah.”

“I know this is a shock, but it’s a win. When and if she comes back to the country, she will have no rights when it comes to Daisy. If she changes her mind and wants to see her daughter, it will be up to you and how you want to handle her entering Daisy’s life again. It’s all up to you. Come in tomorrow, and we’ll go through all the paperwork. But I have to say, Mace, though I know it’s going to hurt Daisy, and I don’t know how you’re going to handle actually telling her, you are not going to lose her because of anything having to do with papers and lawyers. She’s your daughter through thick and thin, and now the papers say that, too.”

Mace nodded and listened as his lawyer went through more of the legalities that honestly went over his head. He would go through every single paper and ask questions about anything he didn’t understand before he signed anything. And, frankly, he was going to make sure his ex did not want to change her mind. Because as much as he wanted Daisy in his life full-time, he didn’t want to be the one who stripped away her mother from her life. But, really, Jeaniene was the one doing it to herself. Jeaniene was the one giving up without a fight. It wasn’t as if he were fighting to keep her out of Daisy’s life completely. No, she was doing that.

By the time he’d hung up with his lawyer, his stomach ached, and his head pounded. He knew he needed to tell Daisy soon, or he would let the conversation rot and fester in his mind and in the space between them. But how the hell did he tell her? He figured by now there had to be a few parenting guides on it, but honestly, all he wanted to do was call Addi and ask for her advice. And because that was the first thing that came to mind, he didn’t do it. She had so much on her plate, and he was afraid that the more he tangled her up in every aspect of his life, the harder it would be to go back to the way things were when she realized his drama was too much.

That his life was too much for her.

Before he could truly ponder what those thoughts meant, Daisy walked out of her room and came up to where he still sat on the edge of the coffee table.

“What’s wrong, Daddy?”

He swallowed hard and knew he needed to do this like it was a bandage. Quick and fast, yet so not painless. His daughter was so bright and caring, she could sometimes get pulled into herself as she thought long and hard about what she needed to do or say in order to work through what she was feeling.

Because he knew he just needed to start and that hiding everything would only hurt them both in the end, he stood up from the coffee table and went to pick her up and hold her close to his chest. She wrapped her little arms around his neck and kissed him softly on the tip of his nose.

His heart melted for her even as it broke. His little girl was everything and so damn strong. So, he would be strong for her. He went to sit on the couch and rested her on his lap so he could meet her eyes as he told her some of what was going on.

“Is it about Mommy?”

He froze, wondering again how he had been part of creating this insightful and wonderful little girl. “Yes, how did you guess that?”

She patted his cheek. “You always get really sad right here when you think about Mommy.”

Jesus, he needed to do a better job of hiding that. It didn’t matter what else was going on around him, Jeaniene was still Daisy’s mom, and he needed to keep from being an ass about it.

He kissed the top of her head so he could gather his thoughts. “Your mom might be staying in Japan for longer than we planned.” Why he’d said we then he didn’t know. There had been no planning when it came to what Jeaniene had done for her job. And he’d had no say when it came to how everything was handled. And now he was going to have to figure out how not to break his daughter’s spirit even as he raised her to be a strong, independent woman. Being a single father wasn’t easy at the best of times, it wasn’t going to get any easier now.

“How long?”

“I don’t know, baby. I really don’t. But no matter what, it’s you and me. We’re going to be okay. This is going to be your home from now on, sort of just like we talked about when you first came. You’re still going to the same school, and you’ll still have the same friends, but you can stay with me for a lot longer. I love you, Daisy, and I love that you’re here with me. But it’s just the two of us. I know your mommy loves you, but right now she has some adult things for work to do, and that means you and I get more time together.”

He knew he was just blowing smoke now, but his daughter wasn’t old enough to understand exactly what was going on, and frankly, he wasn’t exactly sure himself. How was he supposed to explain the intricacies of whatever the hell was going on in his ex’s mind when he had no idea how to even put it into words? He hoped he was doing enough, but in the end, he wouldn’t know until something was wrong, and that thought worried him more than he cared to admit.

“I want Mommy. Just the two of us? What about Aunt Addi? Is she going away to Japan, too? Because I don’t want to miss her like I miss Mommy. I like her. And she makes you smile so you like her, too. Don’t let her go to Japan with Mommy. Okay? I want Mommy.”

Tears fell down her cheeks, and her little body shook as she broke into sobs. He hated himself, and he hated Jeaniene for what she was doing to their daughter. But there was nothing he could do except hold Daisy close and let the sobs finish rocking her body. She was so tiny to have so much within her.

But while all of that was churning, Mace knew he’d made a mistake. Not a little one that could be easily rectified, one that had thrown off the balance of everything that he’d tried to make work. Sorrow filled his gut, but he ignored what he would have to do and hugged Daisy to his chest.

“Just the two of us, baby,” he lied hoping he could find the strength to make it true. “Addi is my best friend, so she will always be around, but she’s not going to Japan like Mommy. She’s not Mommy.”

“Okay.” And with the resiliency of a child who didn’t quite comprehend the delicate emotions running through the air, Daisy went back to her room and turned on her music again.

And Mace quietly broke inside, knowing he was going to have to do the one thing he’d promised he wouldn’t do.

Break his best friend’s heart. Because he had seen the start of love in her eyes and felt the same thing running through him. But he couldn’t risk Daisy. He couldn’t risk hurting her again. Because once the reality of the situation with her mom fully hit her, he was going to have to find some way to help her heal. Whether it was through professional help or just with his family. But he couldn’t do anything to make things worse and make Daisy think that Addi was a replacement for Jeaniene. It wasn’t fair to any of them.

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