Page 49 of Off the Clock

Sleep, probably. Already lying in bed, but my brain won’t shut off. And I’d give up donuts for good for a sleepover with you.

Instead of calling me out for being sappy, Tony had replied.

Tony

That was nice. I wish I could be there for you too.

Want clogged my chest and made it hard to breathe, so I hadn’t trusted myself with a reply. The soft tap on my bedroom window had come around ten minutes later, almost exactly the length of time it would take to walk from Eric’s house to my place, especially if one stuck to the alleys to avoid being seen.

Lord, it had been such a long, exhausting day, and all I wanted was to collapse into Tony. Dragging him through the window and over to my bed sounded like a grand idea, but my last shred of logic reminded me to move slowly and quietly so I wouldn’t wake the house. I took a moment for a steadying breath before opening the window. It wouldn’t do to appear too needy for him or to reward his recklessness.

“This is maybe our most risky meeting yet,” I scolded in a low whisper, trying not to beam at the welcome sight of him in a T-shirt and elastic workout shorts. “At least you can claim you were out for a run, I guess.”

“I know. I know. It was stupid to come.” Tony matched my whisper. “But I needed…” He paused to wrap his bare arms around himself. The days were still hot, but the nights had started cooling off again. Another reminder that autumn was on the way, and time was rapidly getting away from us. “Hell, I don’t know what I needed, only that I had to see for myself how you were doing.”

“I’m not the one who took an accidental helmet-to-helmet hit.” I gave him a pointed look. “You’ve worked most of the summer with the kids. I’m surprised it’s not Scotty you’re checking up on.”

“Scotty’s not the one I…” He ended with a cough that turned into a sputter. “Anyway, you’re the one who spent hours worrying in the ER waiting room. That takes a toll, needing to be strong for him and your mom.”

The depths in his dark eyes said he knew something about being strong even when it was hard, even when a person didn’t want to be the strong one.

“Least I could do.” I scrubbed my hair as I leaned against the wall next to the open window. “Scotty asked earlier in the week about me going to the scrimmage, but I couldn’t get a shift change.”

“No feeling guilty.” Tony used a stern tone, but it didn’t work.

“But I feel guilty for everything with Scotty.”

“Because you went out and lived your life like a normal teen and twentysomething while he was younger?” Tony shook his head. “I know he gives you a hard time, but do you really think Scotty or your mom would have wanted you to give up your own growing up?”

“Says the dude who gave up his teens.”

“Busted.” Tony pulled me down so we could rest our heads together like we always ended up doing when alone. The window in the way made it extra awkward, but I wasn’t turning down the contact for anything. “Maybe we both need to work on those guilt and oldest kid complexes.”

“Well, we both had missing parents. Trying to fill the gaps is hard.”

“Yeah,” he allowed quietly. “And it’s not our fault our parents were…missing.” He blinked, then scrunched his nose as if something tickled. “Wow. I’m not sure I ever internalized that before.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” I said firmly. “It wasn’t your fault your mom left or that your dad was an addict. And it wasn’t my fault my dad died.” I had to stop and look away, staring at the family picture across the room on my dresser. “Logically, I know I was only a kid myself, and Dad’s death was a tragic accident. No one was at fault.”

“But you keep feeling like you need to make up for his absence.” Tony reached up, using his thumb to guide my chin, so I was forced to meet his eyes.

“Exactly.” We nodded in unison as our gazes remained linked. Our matching wounded kid emotions was a bond we shared that was almost as strong as our sexual chemistry. I never felt as understood on a fundamental level as I did simply existing around Tony. “I wish you could stay tonight.”

“Me too.” He exhaled against my neck, bringing me down so our foreheads rested against each other again. “That one overnight spoiled us.”

“I know.” I groaned, glancing longingly at my bed. “Maybe we could stretch out together for a few minutes.”

“Nope, bad idea.”

“Not the worst one I’ve had,” I said sullenly. And it was the truth because the worst idea I’d ever had was thinking I could keep from falling for Tony. Thinking I could keep this to a mere fling. I was such a flipping idiot. I clenched my fingers around the window frame.

“Night, Caleb.” He stretched in to give me an all-too-brief kiss. “I’m here if you need to text me later to fall asleep.”

“How about you text me when you’re home safe?” I countered. “Can’t have you sneaking around Mount Hope in the middle of the night.”

“It’s worth it.” He gave me one last tired smile before heading into the night, leaving me with only an open window and an aching heart.

Like with Tony’s nocturnal visit, I wasn’t surprised to find Sean on my porch in the morning on both of our days off instead of home in bed with his boyfriend where he belonged. And from the way he kept shifting his feet and glancing around, he wasn’t there to check on Scotty.

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