Page 76 of His Custody

She’d gone home a couple of times since she and Tyler had been together. Jasper wouldn’t touch her. Not beyond a hug of greeting and a peck on the cheek. She’d tried to hold onto him, press against him. She could tell he still wanted her, that it pained him to have her so close and not be able to have her. He’d wrap his strong fingers around her upper arms and gently force her away from him.

She’d stopped going home.

Tyler was handing her the small hand mirror she kept on her dresser, a silver one that had been her mother’s. When she stood up and turned toward the full-length mirror that hung on the back of her door, she could see the dots and lines he’d drawn on her back. As he said, just like the night sky. It was pretty, pretty enough she considered getting more ink. But then she looked at her hair, still short.

Maybe no permanent decisions until she was back with Jasper where she belonged. But a picture wouldn’t hurt. Would it? She thought of all the sexting scandals, one of which was currently rocking one of the first-year dorms. She did not want to be that girl. While she’d gladly let Jasper photograph any and all of her, trusting him to keep the images to himself, she didn’t have that kind of faith in Tyler. Maybe never would. They’d break up eventually, whether it be next week or in a few years and when they did, she’d prefer it not to get ugly. No pictures.

“What do you think?”

“It’s beautiful. I love it. Will you tell me what they are?”

She held onto the hand mirror as Tyler stepped in close. His lanky body, still clothed, pressed against her and his shirt rubbed against her breasts. The sensation sent blood to her pelvis, creating a mild throb in her pussy and her clit. It was sense memories of Jasper—all the times she’d been naked while he remained clothed—that were turning her on, but it was Tyler in front of her. She draped her free arm around his neck as he wrapped his arms around her, fingers tracing the stories he’d told on her skin.

“This is Gemini, the twins.”

He traced something that looked more like a U tipped on its side with a tail he’d drawn on her left shoulder blade.

“You’re a Gemini, aren’t you?”

She nodded. Gavin had been one, too. Aunt Emily had been into astrology and she always joked it was no wonder the two of them had paired off, since Gemini hated to be alone. Keyne wasn’t a big believer in fortune-telling, it wasn’t like she checked her horoscope every day, but that piece of information had stuck with her.

“Gemini are happiest when they have companionship, right? Are you happier now?”

She shifted her vision from the reflection to Tyler’s face, tipped up her chin and offered a kiss. “Yes.”

He kissed her back, laid his hands flat on her back and pulled her closer. His tongue slipped into her mouth and she responded. Appropriately, she thought. Fooling around with Tyler always felt so distant, like it was happening to someone else. She never lost herself the way she had with Jasper. When she’d been with Jasper, everything disappeared except him, except that moment.

With Tyler, she could make a to-do list in her head. Three chapters to read for her English class, some translations to do for Spanish...

Tyler kissed down her neck and across her collarbone to her shoulder, ran his thumb over the scar and the tattoo on her arm. She’d told him what it meant and while it didn’t seem to resonate with him as deeply as it did for her—like a tuning fork—he understood.

“Did you get to no yet today?”

A small shake of her head. No. Today hadn’t been the best day.

“Maybe I can help you forget.” He brought a hand up, cupped her breast and ran a thumb over her nipple, back and forth until it stiffened. Wrapping his other arm around her back, he steered her backward to the bed and pressed her gently onto the mattress. He stretched his body the length of hers, the weight of him comforting on top of her.

They kissed as he fondled her, his touch too gentle to distract her from the long list of homework she should do, never mind from the constant aching torment of whether it was her fault Gavin had died. The hardness of Tyler’s erection pressed against her and he began to move, hips rocking against her.

“Keyne,” he breathed against her lips. “Tonight?”

She’d been soft, receptive, responsive for him, but at his question, she stiffened and not in a good way. They’d been together for a while now and she knew he expected sex. She could kiss him, touch and be touched without too much difficulty, but the thought of him, inside of her...

She shook her head as she pushed the hair back from his face. “I don’t think so. I’m...”

“Not ready?”

“Not yet. I’m sorry.”

There was a tightening of his jaw, a hardness that rippled across his features that uncoupled his similarity to Gavin some. “Sure. We’ll wait.”

She could practically hear theand wait, and wait, and waithe didn’t say out loud. He knew she wasn’t a virgin and seemed dumbfounded she’d want to hold off. She knew it was that way for a lot of people... Once you’d had sex, it was on the table. And if it was sitting there, right on the table, why would you content yourself with eating around it instead of feasting on the main event?

She’d been holding him off with hors d’ouevres for a month. But she still wasn’t ready. Jasper had been right about that, even if he’d been wrong about so many other things. She did need intimacy for sex, needed to trust the person with her life, not just her body. She accepted not everyone was like her, even though she found it difficult to empathize with some of her hallmates who seemed to bring home a different guy every weekend.

While her family had been casual about sex, they’d never made it seem cheap. It was something that happened between people who loved each other, and they’d understood that Keyne and Gavin had. In one of the few pieces of blatant sex wisdom her mother had dispensed to her, her mom had said, “Sex is sacred.”

When so much else had melted away over the past year and change—how she smelled, the exact color of her hair, what her voice sounded like when she told Keyne she loved her—those words remained and she held them in her heart. Sex had been sacred with Jasper. Filthy to be sure, but sacred in a way she understood. To be seen, possessed, and loved that way was divine, she was certain. But this... this would be a cheap imitation.

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