Page 75 of His Custody

One of the other things she liked about Tyler. He understood her loss in a way not many other people could.

They managed to make it through dinner without any truly uncomfortable moments, but at the end, despite Tyler having kept a hold on her hand through much of the meal, she felt a pull to leave with Jasper instead. And judging by the dark look on Jasper’s face when she and Tyler said good-bye and headed the opposite way down the New Haven sidewalk, he felt the same way.

***

Jasper slammed the door so hard the glass rattled and the frame shook. He wouldn’t have been surprised if the whole house collapsed in a pile of rubble around him. That would be great. For his house to be as wrecked as he was inside. Why had he agreed to go to dinner with Keyne and her... her boyfriend? He spat the word in his head like it was the filthiest word he could think of. Right now, it was. God he hated that guy. So much.

He stalked through the hallway, glad Ada wasn’t around to see him like this or to ask any questions. The thing was, he knew he was acting crazy but he couldn’t stop. At least he’d managed to hold his tongue and keep his hands in check when he’d been with her. It was his own problem, and though she must’ve known he wasn’t happy, hopefully he hadn’t ruined her evening. Or even Tyler’s.

Watching him touch her had been agony. And the worst part was, he liked the kid. If he were a rational human being, Tyler would’ve been the kind of guy he’d want Keyne to be with. Smart, hard-working, articulate. Not bad-looking, and the money didn’t hurt.

Keyne was tough and would say she didn’t care about the money but he was more practical. Creature comforts mattered. And while she had her own trust that should do for her whole life, he’d take as much padding for her as he could get. Keyne had other demons to deal with that took up too much headspace to spare for matters of staying alive.

She could learn how to be a weed, scrambling and clawing to survive, but he liked her better as a hothouse flower. His hothouse flower. Of course, he was also bound and determined to make sure she could fend for herself and be fine on her own should she decide to be without him, so maybe more like a Venus flytrap.

He raged through his bedroom and closet wanting to rip everything in his path to shreds, let the fire inside him consume everything until there was nothing left but a pile of ash, but then he’d have nothing left to offer her in addition to being a demanding, sadistic bastard.

The way he touched her... Jasper’s brain melted into a roiling pool of lava. Tyler hadtouchedher. In front of him. And the way he was so gentle, so solicitous. Is that what Keyne wanted? What she needed? He hadn’t thought so. But Gavin had been that way, hadn’t he? She’d loved him with all her heart. Maybe that’s what this was. She was homesick for Gavin and Tyler would do the trick. His brand of kinky fuckery might be no match for nostalgia.

He jammed the water of the shower on and only managed to get his coat off, getting it caught at his elbows because he was that discombobulated, so perturbed he couldn’t slow down enough to remove the rest of his clothes. He had to put out the incendiaries in his head. Had to, and he was thinking so unclearly that the only way to do it was to stand under the freezing cold drops, and let the literal water douse the virtual flames in his head.

It was times like this he regretted his promise to Keyne. But she’d only asked him the one thing when he’d asked her for so many. He couldn’t begrudge her that even if he’d love to beat the shit out of someone and then fuck them until morning. Wear out this rage and angst on someone else until he’d spent it all.

The water falling from the showerhead finally caught his attention. Fuck, it was freezing. He loosened the tie around his neck and leaned against the wall.

Goddammit. He was going crazy. Motherfucking insane. If this was what she could do to him, maybe it was a good thing for her to find someone else. He couldn’t be losing his shit like this every time she met someone new. He’d never survive. What the fuck had he been thinking?

He undid the top button of his shirt and let the water stream over him. While he was enjoying the penance in a sick way, he had no desire to catch hypothermia so he turned it warmer, but not so warm it was pleasant. He needed his wits back and being uncomfortable was a surefire way to make sure his thoughts didn’t drift off. No, he needed a reminder.

He went through the script he’d written for himself.It wouldn’t be right for you to keep her for the rest of her life. She needs to know what’s out there and if she still chooses you when it’s all over, then you can have her with a clear conscience. And if you can’t have her, then it was never meant to be. More than anything, you have a responsibility to keep her safe and happy. If that’s not with you you’d best suck it the fuck up.

Reminding himself of why things had to be this way calmed him. Keyne had looked happy with Tyler. Nervous, sure, but that had been his fault. She could read him far too well and she must’ve been able to tell how hard that was on him.

He’d call her tomorrow and apologize, tell her Tyler seemed like a good man. His jaw clenched and he punished himself by flicking the water colder again. He could condition himself to be less of an asshole about this, right?

Managing to strip the rest of his clothes, he left them in a heap on the shower floor. Ada could clean it up tomorrow. Tonight, he needed to jack off and then go the fuck to sleep.

Chapter Twenty-seven

October

She giggled and squirmed. “Tyler, that tickles.”

“Stay still or I’ll mess it up.”

His hand wrapped around her rib cage, pushed her into the mattress. A small noise escaped her. Yes, she liked being pushed facedown into the bed. But that wasn’t Tyler’s thing. He was always gentle with her, always tender. It made her miss Jasper. How if he had her in this position—topless and facedown in a pile of pillows— he would’ve yanked her pants down, trapping her thighs together, tipped her ass up and plowed into her.

Not Tyler.

His fingers spread over her ribs as he pressed the marker into her back. He’d said the freckles on her back looked like the stars in the sky, like if he tried hard enough, he’d be able to find constellations in them. The idea was ridiculous, but he’d wanted to test his theory and here they were.

While she lay there, he drew a few more lines and leaned back to survey his masterpiece. He made one more line before he kissed her between her shoulder blades.

“All set. You want to see?”

“Of course I want to see. You’ve had a Sharpie on and off my back for an hour. I want to make sure you didn’t draw Black Widow back there.”

He smacked her butt and she rolled her eyes. Casual, intentionless smacks. That’s all she’d gotten for the past month. What she wouldn’t give for a spanking.

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