Page 25 of Shining Through

Tabitha nodded. “It’s why I concentrated on ladies’ instead of ice dance.” It probably wasn’t worth mentioning she’d enjoyed ice dance more. “I knew there would be more financial opportunity.”

“You were also spared the complication of keeping a partner,” Olga said. “Most wise. If I could re-do my career, I would insist on skating as a single, rather than pair. But we don’t have re-dos, and what’s done is done. But your time is here and now, and you must make the most of it.”

Her mentor let the words register. Tabitha shifted under Olga’s icy, astute gaze. Somewhere in the house, a clock chimed. She looked down at her still hands. There was no avoiding the inevitable. “Did you see my programs at Star Spangled Skate?”

“I did,” Olga said, briskly. “If you were any other skater, I would congratulate your bronze medal. But I know what you are capable of, and I didn’t see it when you skated in Chicago.”

As terrible as Tabitha felt about her performance, Olga’s disappointment cut even deeper. Like Peter, Olga had championed her when she was nothing. After Tabitha missed the previous Winter Games, Olga’s support hadn’t wavered. She’d invested hundreds of thousands in Tabitha’s training. Did she regret it?

“I know. I’m not fond of the Antigone program, though Peter feels I need a mature, serious free skate for the Games.”

“I agree. In a field of young girls, this is a way for you to offer something they don’t. Is the problem the elements or choreography?”

It would have been easier to blame that, but neither was the cause. She knew it, and Olga knew it. “It’s the character I’m playing. A woman who sacrifices everything for her family feels a little too close to home.”

Olga gave her an arch look. “And you feel you have sacrificed everything?”

She looked down at her hands. “I don’t mean financially. I couldn’t have stayed in the sport without your help. But at the same time, I feel like I’ve missed out on a lot of things. But when I stop to think about what I’d do if I weren’t skating, I don’t even know.” She sighed. “I’ve been aiming for the Games as long as I can remember. And now, that it’s right in front of me...” she shook her head. “It makes no sense.”

Olga nodded. “When the prize seems so close, the mind can do strange things. Little doubts can grow into crippling big ones, and you think about changing something good for what you think may be better. That was what I did when I traded my first partner to skate with Valentin Egorov. I thought a more skilled partner would improve my chances to win. I never stopped to consider the negatives.”

“It sounds like you’re saying I shouldn’t be so focused on winning.”

“Not at all. But tunnel vision can be dangerous. It led me to hurt people I cared about. Things I couldn’t undo no matter how much I wanted to.”

“You have regrets?”

Olga gave another tight little smile. “I don’t regret that I won. But I regret that I hurt people who cared about me. In time, I realized that it’s more important to do what is right, rather than what is best.”

“It’s hard to tell the difference sometimes.”

Olga sighed and nodded. “True. Fortunately, life has a way of balancing bad with good. My silver medal took me to Argentina, which led to starring in ‘Evita on Ice,’ which led me to Miguel. My former partners found happiness too. Valentin and his lover travel the world doing good by spreading money about. And the former partner who I hurt married the woman he skated with after me, and has found success as coach. In fact, I believe you met one of his students in Chicago, Daniil Andreev.”

Tabitha stiffened as her heart raced and blood rushed to her face. “How did you know about Daniil?”

Olga tilted her head, looking perplexed. “I know nothing about him. Only that Peter said Andreev was at the competition and you spoke at the party.”

“Yes, that’s right.” Tabitha said, cursing her guilty conscience, and over-reaction. “We both work with the same choreographer, Mikhail Zaikov. In fact, I have a chance to go to Vancouver on Wednesday, and train with Misha Zaikov and his father.”

Olga raised her brows. “Oh? For how long?”

“Through the competition. I’d hoped to go anyway, to support Brett, and watch Mia Lang before I have to compete against her in St. Petersburg.”

Olga frowned. “Given that you must skate against her twice, at Petersburg Cup and a month later at Nationals, seeing what you are up against will be excellent motivation.”

The comment struck a nerve. Even Olga saw Mia Lang as a potential threat, and questioned whether Tabitha was sufficiently motivated. “I couldn’t agree more.”

“And Brett is a good friend to you. As you are a good friend to him.” Her ice blue gaze seemed to cut through Tabitha’s defenses. “But not enough to make up for what you feel you are missing out on.”

“No,” she admitted.

“Even when the mind is clear on a direction, the heart has its own ideas. Russians have proverbs for everything, so in this case I would say that there is season for business, an hour for fun.”

“And this is the season for business.” Tabitha tried not to sound disappointed.

“It is. But if a little fun helps you stay on course, that isn’t such a bad thing. Go to Vancouver if that’s what you need. Just be careful.”

She let out a breath. Olga would not stand in her way. Not only that, she seemed to understand at least a bit of Tabitha’s confusion. “Thank you, Olga. And don’t worry, I’m always careful.”

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