Page 92 of Something in Between

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Valentine’s Day is coming up, and as I’m walking home from school on Friday, Royce pulls up next to me. I used to be proud when he would drive up in his Range Rover and lean out the window, beckoning me to hop inside. It was almost like being in a cheesy teen movie, and I loved it. But now I know romantic movies are stupid. They make you think stuff like that is real, that the rich popular boy will fall for the poor outcast. But we all know the reality.

And the reality is, I know what’s happening between us now. Royce has been doing the slow fade. Letting me down easy. Not ghosting completely, but letting go little by little so that I’ll get the picture.

I got the picture.

Except, I’m so mad at the part of myself that’s happy to see him, annoyed that he still makes my heart pound.

He rolls down the window. “Hey, good-lookin’,” he says. “Need a ride?”

His tone makes me furious. I turn around and glare at him. I’m too mad to even say anything, so I turn away and walk faster, cutting through the neighborhood park. It’s a shortcut anyway.

He stops the engine and gets out. I can’t decide whether I want him to follow me or not. He runs to catch up. I walk faster and try to keep myself from looking at him. If I do, I know I’ll break down. I won’t be able to be mad at him for long. I never can, not when he shows up like this.

“Jas, talk to me. I’m sorry, okay? I know I haven’t been around. But I’m here now, aren’t I?” he says, directly blocking my path.

I shift my backpack up. It’s heavy with textbooks. I glare at him. “So what? You want a medal or something? For showing up to your relationship? You forget I don’t give out participation trophies.”

I run away from him again, but he catches me, making me stop at the edge of the playground. There are young schoolchildren running around and yelling while their tired mothers chat with each other on the park benches.

“Please hear me out. Jas? Please? Come on,” he says. “Don’t be mad.”

But Iammad, and I hate when people tell me not to be mad when I’m mad. Ugh, I hate him. I hate that he can make me feel so crazy.

“Where’ve you been all week?” I demand. “All month? Since January?”

He grimaces. “I told you, I had to do stuff for my dad, and I’ve had family issues.”

“Really? That’s it? I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but weallhave family issues. Me especially.”

“Well, I’ve been trying to take care of mine.” He moves closer, puts a hand on my shoulder.

“Which means avoiding me?”

One of the mothers looks up at us.

Royce doesn’t deny it. His mouth is a hard line. “I didn’t know what else to do. It’s complicated.”

“It’s complicated?Everythingis complicated, Royce,” I say, pulling away so he can’t touch me anymore. “What does that even mean?”

Royce winces. I can see I’ve hurt him by not letting him touch me. “I came to find you,” he says. “To say I’m sorry that I haven’t been around, that’s all.”

“It’s a little too late for that. You know what bugs me about you? You think driving up in your car, pretending like nothing’s wrong, is going to make all of our problems go away. But I have no idea what’s going on with you. You haven’t been honest with me forweeks.”

“So now what? You’re breaking up with me?”

Am I? I consider what to say next. Part of me wants to end all of this right now. Burn it to the ground. Tell him I never want to see him again. Part of me wants to continue just so I can find out what hideous secret he’s hiding. Part of me wants to cry. Most of me continues to be stubborn. I’m my daddy’s girl after all.

“I didn’t say that. You’re putting words in my mouth,” I say.

Royce crosses his arms. “Like you were doing to me earlier,” he says. “Look, I’m not perfect, all right? I’m sorry I’m not the perfect boyfriend you want me to be.”

“Who said anything about perfect?” I say.

He shrugs. “You always have such high expectations. It’s hard to meet them sometimes.”

“What? Are you saying I set too high a bar for you?”

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