Page 45 of From Frost to Flame

Lex’s words were matter-of-fact, but they sliced through Silas's heart. “I did. I’m sorry. I know that doesn’t fix anything, or take away all the pain I caused. But I am truly sorry. I only wanted to keep you safe.”

“That wasn’t fair.” Lex blinked back tears. A mixture of anger and hurt played on his features. “You shouldn’t have made that choice for me. I went to bed thinking we were going to get married. That we were going to have kids. Then I woke up to you throwing me out, like all of it was some cruel joke. Do you have any idea what you put me through? Can you even comprehend how much that hurt?” He closed his eyes and calmed himself before he looked at him again. “Silas, that wasn’t okay.”

“I know, but I just—”

“No.” Lex held firm. “I don’t care what you think was right. It wasn’t okay. If we are going to move forward at all in this conversation, you need to understand that. If you can’t do that, I have nothing to say to you—not now or ever. I don’t care if we’re supposedly mates or not.”

“Okay,” Silas said, looking down. The vortex of hurt and anger that roiled through Lex, and subsequently in his own chest, made it clear he’d made the wrong choices. “You’re right. I thought I was being noble, but I guess I was just being cowardly. I was too afraid to explain things to you. I’m sorry.”

“Thank you for saying that.” He bit the inside of his cheek. “Did you make a deal with her like Arden has?”

“Do you really think I’d do that?” Silas was taken aback by the question. “I’d never put my people at risk by dealing with her on purpose.”

“What else do you want me to think when you give me nothing? The idea that The Ravenous One who almost ended all of Vela cares about your love life is hard to grasp. I don’t see why she’d care about us, unless I took you away from something you owed her.” Lex paused and looked down at the sand, then met Silas's eyes. “Were you romantic with her? Arden said you were lovers.”

“It’s not any of that.” He swallowed and tilted his head back, letting the rain hit his face. “I want to tell you, but I don’t know how. That’s why I didn’t tell you before.” His voice cracked, and he cursed his weakness. “I’ve never told anyone.”

“Whatever it is, I won’t judge you.”

“Yes, you will.” Silas laughed, unable to help it. “The truth is ugly. Everyone who has ever known looked at me with disgust. I don’t want you to look at me that way, too.” He took a breath as the wind wrapped around him.

Lex took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “Forget it. I don’t need to know.”

“No, you deserve to, and—”

“You know,” Lex interrupted as he looked at the water, “back when I was a human, I loved the person who killed me.”

Silas stared at Lex, stunned silent by the comment.

“He is the reason I’m this.” He gestured at himself flippantly. “I lost my human life and became this bloodsucking thing, thanks to him.”

How could someone do such a thing? How could anyone look at that beautiful face and want to bring harm to it?“Was your first love a vampire, then?” he asked, trying to understand how this all happened.

“Goodness, no. He was a human, too,” he said, taking his hand away and holding himself. “A vampire would have treated me better.”

Lex’s words back in the infinite Nymph Forest about vampires not always agreeing to be changed came back to mind.

Oh, Lex.

“His name was Michael. We lived in a quaint farming village on the edge of Dionysus, among other humans. I loved him so much I would excuse everything for him. Maybe he didn’t always come home when he promised, but he came eventually. Sure, he put his hands on me during heated arguments, but he’d had a hard life.”

“He hit you?” Silas's blood broiled. The idea of Lex, as fragile as he was now, on the other end of an angry man made him want to tear this faceless human apart.

Lex nodded. “I’m still ashamed I stayed and let someone treat me like I was nothing, but I was young and in love. Then, one night the vampires came and forced me to see him for what he was.”

The look in Lex’s eyes was one Silas had seen before. It lingered in the eyes of the last remaining members of massacred packs, or those forced to put feral werewolves down. It was a look of pain etched into the dark recesses of their nightmares—pain from a cruel past.

“Vampires used to raid a town and feast before all the seasonal festivals quenched the thirst for excess in later centuries. We were getting ready for bed when four of them broke into our house. Michael and I slipped out the back door. Terrified screams echoed in the distance as other groups of vampires terrorized the town. I came up with the idea to hide in the shed on the edge of our land. We ran as fast as we could across the tall grass that seemed endless in the dark. We made it about halfway when they spotted us. They followed at a leisurely pace, knowing we’d never outrun them. I looked back and met the icy blue eyes of one of them. I’d recognize him if I ever saw his eyes again, and if I’m honest, I’ve looked for the bastard for ages with no luck. Then, there was a shockwave of pain in my skull.” He touched his head, as if the pain was fresh again.

“Did they attack?” Silas asked.

“Michael did. He got hold of one of the garden shovels and hit me over the head with it. My blood poured down my face, and the vampires caught the scent. They descended in a flash. I watched him make it into the shed as they pinned me down on the lawn.”

“He left you there as bait? You were married and he just abandoned you?”

“I guess I wasn’t worth saving,” he said with a tired smile. He picked up a handful of glittering sand and let it fall through his fingers. “Humans only turn if their cause of death is having their blood fully drained. Most prey will die from neck breaking, a heart attack, or suffocation long before then. Draining a body takes an intentional decision to carefully feed.

“Vampire venom wears off when the human only has a few quarts left. It’s pure, unbridled agony as you die. I still remember what it was like when my lungs deflated, and my heart came to a halt. I died there on the lawn, staring up at the stars. Then, I woke up.”

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