Page 8 of The Bartender's Baby

“Congratulations thing. I’m keeping it.”

“Oh. Okay.” She touched the thick purple frames of her glasses. “Congratulations, but…”

“But,” I agreed with a nod. “I’ll need to find another place to live, even though I know we’ve leased through June.”

She let out a loose laugh, pressing her hand to her chest. “Good, and don’t take this the wrong way, but if you were planning on bringing a baby here, we’d have a problem.”

“I know. I understand. I wanted you to know so you had time to find another roommate.”

“Won’t be hard. People always need a place to stay around here.” She forked another bite of food into her mouth, and Ipicked at my nail polish for a few seconds, grateful she was always straightforward. I didn’t have to worry about stepping on her feelings.

Especially when my own seemed so unpredictable lately. Exactly why I squeezed my eyes shut at the burning in them. “Okay, well, I’m gonna head upstairs.”

When I opened my lids again, my vision clear, I grabbed an apple and a water bottle, happy to have that conversation behind me. Inside my little bedroom with the radiator that didn’t work, I changed into sweats and slipped a hoodie over my head before burrowing into the covers to eat my green apple, the slightly sour taste on my tongue negating my previous nausea.

Curling on my side, I reached for the black-and-white ultrasound picture on my nightstand and traced the blob, smiling through my tears. When I’d realized I was pregnant, I was terrified. And elated. Then alarmed. Until I finally settled on happy.

I was happy to have this second chance at what I’d lost. I often wondered about what could have been. What my life would be like now. How different it might be. What my child would look like, what they’d be learning in school. If I’d still be with Danny. Probably.

Maybe.

Placing my hand on my stomach, I closed my eyes and let myself remember, let the grief wash over me, then I let it go. That’s what my support group had taught me all those years ago. To feel all the feelings and then let them go.

So that’s what I did.

What I would continue to do.

After, I opened my laptop and playedOur Planet. Though only a few minutes into the episode, my phone buzzed with a text alert.

Nate

I’m glad to see you can follow my directions.

I left because I felt like it.

Nate

What’s that mean? Are you sick?

I’m fine.

Nate

Did you eat dinner?

Yes.

Nate

What was it?

I rolled my eyes. He never stopped micromanaging.

I’m not telling you what I had for dinner.

Nate

That means you didn’t eat it.

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