Page 7 of The Bartender's Baby

Up until a few weeks ago, I’d been riding my Kawasaki as long as the weather permitted. But as soon as those pink lines showed up, I parked it in the garage, never to be ridden again. My bike had given me freedom when I’d needed to feelsomething. As much as I despised putting it away, it was an easy choice to make. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do anything that could cause any distress during this pregnancy.

To say the last few weeks had been a roller coaster would be an understatement, and I wastired.

The physical fatigue of the first trimester was mostly past, but the emotional and psychological stress overwhelmed me.

Though, if I was honest, finally telling someone felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. As long as I ignored the fact that it was Nate whom I’d confided in first, as opposed to Harrison or any friends or family. Not that there were all that many I feltcompelled to tell. Or there were any I felt attached to, whom I considered important enough to tell.

Except for Nate.

The one person who’d been a constant source of stability in my life. He’d hired me at a time when it didn’t seem as though I’d be able to find my way, but he and his stupidly charming grin and endless sincerity had kept me returning. Day after day, I’d come back to life.

Because of him.

But if I ever told him that, he’d never let me live it down.

He was a jokester and teasing was his love language, so I could never confess that the day he’d sat me down in the office, I might have fallen a little bit in love with him. When he had listened as I’d admitted I’d recently moved to West Chester and didn’t know a lot of people. Yet he’d never looked at me with pity in his eyes, like so many had done over those last few months. It’s why I hadn’t been able to stay. Why I’d needed a fresh start somewhere else, offered by someone who treated me like a whole person—and not as someone less-than like my stepfamily, or broken like Danny’s family.

With Nate, I was simply me.

He saw me for my pride and strength and brains and probably all the dark stuff too.

All the things I’d wanted to hide from the world, the vulnerable and damaged pieces of myself that he’d protected. He’d never pushed me to be more or different, and he’d stood by me, been a steady anchor as I’d fought an internal battle he’d eventually calmed. He had never known that his confidence in me kept me afloat.

First, he was my boss—and then my friend.

My friend, whom I’d come to think of as an important person.

A very important person.

Maybe the most important person?

But I could never tell him. Because his ego was inflated enough, and he’d never stop giving me shit.

Better to keep those feelings to myself.

Like I’d done for a long time.

I’d been waffling about my pregnancy for the last month. About what to do and say. There had never been a question about terminating it—not after what I’d already been through—but the road forward seemed rife with uncertainty. Combating those questions, I did what I’d always done, took it one step at a time. And that first step was making a list of my most important tasks, like finding a different place to live, buying a car, selling my bike, and figuring out my job and financial situation.

I’d made no headway on my living situation and wouldn’t be able to buy a car until I got the payment for my bike, but I was proud of myself for telling Nate. I deserved a treat and—as long as Nate was willing to pay for it—an early night.

I stepped out of my ride and made my way up the sidewalk to the small rental I shared with a friend of a friend. Even though I had turned thirty on January 2, I still hadn’t reached the goals I’d set for myself, including finally graduating with my bachelor’s. Without that degree, I couldn’t get the kind of job I wanted, leading to the mortgage I needed to buy my own home. So, here I was, sharing a house with a twenty-five-year-old grad student.

As a suburb of Philadelphia, West Chester, Pennsylvania, was cute and quaint, if not inexpensive. The university was a major economic driver, not to mention the thriving downtown area, so I was no stranger to the difficulties of finding a place that didn’t require emptying my bank account on the first of every month. Which was why I hadn’t been looking forward to this conversation.

Tossing my keys in the bowl by the door, I hung my coat on the hook, along with my purse, then placed my boots on the shoe rack. Ming-Yue was a neat freak like me. She also stuck to herself, spending most of her time in the science lab at school or in her room when home. Now, I found her heating up leftovers in the microwave.

She turned over her shoulder when she heard me. “Hey, didn’t expect to see you here.”

“Got off early,” I said, sliding into a chair at the small kitchen table. “Which is good because I need to talk to you.”

Once she had her food plated up, she sat across from me at the table, waiting expectantly.

I swallowed down the lump in my throat to reveal my secret to the second person today. “I’m pregnant.”

She froze with her fork halfway to her mouth. After a few beats, she stuck the piece of meat into her mouth, and I purposely stared at the off-white cabinets, breathing through my mouth. The smell of meats hadn’t been settling well with me lately.

“Is this a congratulations thing or a you need help thing?” she asked, and I slanted my gaze back to her.

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