Page 130 of Your Soul to Keep

“At my Nan’s house,” I corrected. “Baby,” I breathed. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He inhaled a shuddering breath. His voice shook. “I fucking love you, Shae.”

My throat ached. “I love you too.”

“You can’t keep leaving me. More, you can’t leaveher,” he stressed.

Shame near buried me. “I know.”

“Do you? Do you, Shae? Because you told me you were afraid of leaving her with a memory, but you just up and walked away at the first sign of trouble.” He chuckled bitterly. “And let’s be honest, you’re not the first mother to walk away from her.”

“It-it was a shock.”

“I get that. Zoe was completely out of line. But I never gave her any reason to believe she could ever take your place.”

“It felt like every other time,” I explained. “I panicked.”

He was quiet on his end of the line.

“I didn’t want to lose her.”

Still, he didn’t speak.

“Gabe,” I breathed. “I’m so sorry.”

“But you were willing to lose me?”

“No—” I wanted to defend myself, but my mind drew a blank.

“Shae-baby,” he murmured, his voice pained. “I love you more than life and I’d take any risk to have you. But it’s not just about me. You have your place here with Dylan and me. I can’t tell you exactly how that will look, but it is yours. Take a few days. Make sure.”

My grip tightened on the phone. “I don’t need a few days.”

He paused. His exhale shuddered. “I do.”

I sat with my hand over my mouth, tears streaming down my face, the sound of my broken heart bouncing off the walls long after he closed the call.

The next morning, I lay in bed staring up at the ceiling with nowhere to go.

No Ayana’s.

No job.

No kissing Gabe goodbye.

No dropping Dylan off at daycare.

No meeting the girls for coffee.

No buying groceries and making dinner for the three of us.

And no picking Dylan up.

The little things.

The mundane.

A million tiny drops of light to paint a beautiful life.

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