Page 29 of Love, In Balance

“And Dr Pierce” the woman interrupts.

I get agitated and tense up. I feel like Quin tenses slightly too for some reason.

“Oh, and Quin, this student wasparticularlyinterested in your role and our relationship too” I say with a pissed off expression.

Quin rolls his eyes. This is the kind of inappropriate bullshit that Quin is sick of.

“I bet you get an advantage, being so friendly with them all” she says. And that’s when I freeze and feel the anger boil within me. Would a man be treated like this if he were in my situation?

I flip.

“If you’re insinuating that my academic success has anything to do with my personal relationships with members of the university staff, I’d appreciate you rethinking. I’ve worked my way up as a disabled woman in STEM and done a good job of it without the need to rely onanymen. Hell, I have less limbs than any of them and I’ve still managed to become a success. As I have already said, I’ve been friends with the lecturers, even Dr Quin prior to them becoming lecturers here. So, I’d appreciate you just stop this nonsense now. Because I’m not having my reputation questioned by people who don’t know me. If you need to becomefriendly” I say sarcastically “with the lecturers in order to achieve academic success, be my guest. But exclude me from this narrative. And a little food for thought for your clearly narrow minds, would you have questioned a male on this?” they look at each other in shock, the thought clearly circling in their stubborn little heads.

“Yeah, I thought so”. I say as I walk away.

I look at Quin with a sorry expression as I walk past him.

It's not the first time I’ve been questioned and undermined by someone due to being a woman or being disabled, or just choosing a career in STEM, but it still stings.

I work hard. I don’t deserve arseholes treating me like shit, as though they have a right and reason to.

I’ve learnt to walk away from these things for my own sake. I can reflect when I’m in a more neutral mindset.

I head towards a vacant bar table, place my drink on it and stand there, catching my breath and regaining composure.

Just when I think I can breathe again, I’m thrown straight back on edge again by two hands squeezing my waist, followed by a whisper in my ear.

“Look at you being a cock tease. You look insane Lista”.

The smell of alcohol is strong on his breath. He makes me feeldisgusting. I want to teleport home, out of this moment and curl up away from the world.

It's too much for one day. I can’t take much more.

Is what I’m wearing too sexy? This is my fault, isn’t it?... For just being a woman. I’m a shame to my sex.

I start to panic internally, feeling my blood pressure rise. I begin to spiral, feeling trapped.

“Pierce, please don’t” I manage to say through my feelings of disgust at myself.

He’s pressing up against my ass and my back. I can feel him press his lower region against me harder.

“How can I not when you look likethis. You’re the one who turned up looking this fucking good” he says as he kisses my neck, nipping my skin slightly, and then squeezes my arse before walking away after whispering into my ear “I’ll make sure to find you later and feel you again”.

It is my fault.

My thoughts are spiralling dangerously, and I feel like I’m losing control. My head starts to feel strange.

I feel foggy and disconnected from reality, almost.

I stand still for a moment, trying my hardest to breathe.

I’m a statue of disgust, reminding every woman around me whatnotto be. I’m an embarrassment to women in STEM.

My panic worsens. I can feel my insides start to shake.

The familiar hands around my throat, restricting my breathing.

My breath becomes rapid and everything around me becomes louder. I can feel my skin brushing against the fabric of my clothes. The smell of alcohol, a mixture of everyone’s perfume and heavy air floods my senses.

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