Page 30 of Love, In Balance

I need to leave.

Ineedto leave.

I’m not fully aware of myself, as if I’m in a fever dream.

Things are hazy, like I’m on a battlefield full of fog and overwhelming noise.

I half stumble, half walk out the doors briskly and make my way to the side of the building out of sight. I’m unsure of how long I stand there.

Seconds. Minutes maybe.

But out of nowhere a hand lands at my forearm, brushing it lightly. I react in the only way I can right now, screaming out. I am in pure survival mode and all of my reactions I can rarely claim as my own, since they happen without prior consent from my usual self.

I can’t speak or make sense of anything around me.

I’m crying now. I don’t see who is with me because my mind is spinning, but I can imagine it’s Pierce.

He’s cornered me. I’m unsafe, alone and away from people. He can do what he wants with me like before.

I need to escape. As I try to flee, rapidly breathing, wobbly on my feet, moaning in pain from the sensory overload, I feel warm arms around me pulling me just tight enough to feel grounded but not crowded.

It’s not Pierce. He doesn’t touch me like this. I’m safe.

“It’s me. Callista, you’re ok. It’s Quin. You’re safe sweetheart. I’m here”.

I melt into the big wall that happens to be Quins body. He continues holding me, only releasing me with one arm briefly.

The next thing I know, I’m surrounded by Drew, Oli, Reed, Pip and Si. I’m sat at a table outside, well away from the building where everyone resides. Drew is sat next to me on my left-hand side, drawing gentle circles on my back whilst I come back to reality as the seconds go by.

Si is sat on my right, acting like he doesn’t care, but under the table has his hand on my leg to show he’s there whilst lettingme lean on his shoulder. The others are sat around the table, concerned.

I notice Quin walking away in the distance.

“I’m sorry. I just tried to leave. I needed to go home. I didn’t want to burden anyone” I say through tears and panicked breaths.

Drew places his hand over mine.

“Lista, in the nicest way possible, shut the fuck up. Quin noticed you leave in a hurry and came to see if you were ok. You had a panic attack and I’m assuming sensory overload. He wanted to make sure you felt safe.

He texted me as soon as he could to let me know what was going on. He made sure you were safe with us before heading off”.

I’m so confused. Why isn’t he staying. Have I annoyed him?

“Why isn’t he here Drew?”.

“Lista, he was worried that you didn’t feel safe around him. He noticed how you reacted when he first approached you. He wanted you to be surrounded by us, so that you’d feel at ease”.

Shit. I’ve fucked up.

The guys see me into a taxi before heading back into the event. Pierce is standing waiting for them, looking over at me. I dip my head and sink into the taxi seat, hoping he didn’t notice me.

“I need to change the destination if that’s ok” I say to the driver.

“Of course. Where would you like to go?” says the nicest taxi driver I’ve ever met. Seriously I felt myself relax just by getting into the car. How is that even a thing. Vibes and all.

The taxi ride was nice, and certainly needed. I used the journey to come back to my neutral mindset. This included discussing how incredible the vegan treats are at Cosy Corner Coffee with the taxi driver the entire journey.

It was amustafter discovering a mutual love for the café.

---