Page 30 of Race to Me

When I find the light, my eyes adjust to the scene around me, and I look straight to his bed, finding it empty. I take in a deep breath, thankful he isn’t here. Partly because I don’t want him thinking I’m a creep, and also because I was worried about a girl being in here with him.

It’s a standard guy’s room. Unmade bed, white sheets that desperately need to be bleached from the random black grease stains, and navy comforter. One pillow lies on the floor, coupled with a few black t-shirts. Dirty clothes fill the nearby hamper.

There’s a bookshelf, but it’s empty aside from a few textbooks. There’s mostly notepads laying everywhere with scribbled, ineligible writing on them.

Two acoustic guitars sit on a display rack against the wall, and I finally realize what the soft padding was on the wall: absorption panels. We had them in my music room so I wouldn’t bother dad during piano lessons growing up. The room is drastically different volume-wise when I shut the door behind me.

I look to the ground, impulsively wanting to tidy up but telling myself it’s not my room. I bite my lip, thinking. But itwouldlook so much better if I just made up the bed.

Okay, the bed is made, but the sheets need to be washeddesperately.

I remember the washer that’s right next to the door in the hall. Quickly, I pull them from the mattress and rush outside. Thankfully, no one sees me put them in, and I’m lucky they have all of the softener and bleach I’d ever need.

I go back in and am once again hit with the strong scent of leather. I imagine us in his room. I wonder if he can play the guitar. Would he play for me? ‘Stop, you sound insane! He hasn’t texted you all day.’ my inner voice screams at me.Stop cleaning. What are you doing?

But before I know it, his room is spotless, and I’m heading back downstairs like nothing happened. I stress clean. What can I say?

Back at the party, everyone’s having a great time. The energy is so high, and I want to be in a good mood too. I dance with Kate, which is something we do together on girls’ night, but it’s usually just us in our pajamas.

I was so worried I wouldn’t fit in, but everyone seems to be really nice. One guy even noticed Kate was drinking from cans, so he went to the store and got her a twelve pack while I was cleaning.

An hour later, I switch the sheets to the dryer and head back downstairs.

“Do you want to play the game?” Kate grins as she leans in to talk to me.

I look at the table of people laughing. “The ‘if you want to’ thing?”

She giggles, saying, “You mean, ‘if you had to’?”

“What do you do?”

“It’s a drinking game.” she tells me. “But you don’t have to drink alcohol or anything!”

Ryder chimes in, “Wait, why aren’t you drinking?”

I pull the keys from my pocket and dangle them. “I’m DD.”

He shows me his empty hands, adding, “I’ll drive y’all home.” I notice his southern drawl from and raise a surprised brow. “I haven’t drank a drop.”

I think for a moment; I want to loosen up. “Maybe later. Let’s just see how the night goes—”

“What the fuck happened to you?” I hear an unfamiliar voice as a herd of people gather around the front door.

I see Foster, his busted lip, and his black eye. I gasp at the sight of him being hurt, and I almost rush to his side until his eyes lock on mine and he shakes his head in disapproval.

He looks a little tipsy, with his arm slung over Envy. A few friends had arrived with him. The sight of him with her… it hurts.

He walks to the keg and pours a cup, looking at me, then looking away.

Kate grins at me, whispering, “There’s your man.” She’s too tipsy to realize he’s ignoring me. “Go talk to him.”

“I’m okay.” I’ll wait to see if he comes to me instead. I thought after our moment that things would be different. I wait and wait ...

But he never comes, and thirty minutes later, I take Ryder up on his offer to drive us home. I crack the crisp can of apple beer and let the alcohol slide down my throat, trying desperately to not feel unwelcome by attempting to feel nothing.

I continue to dance, ignoring the pain in my chest from Foster passing by me about five times and acting like I’m not there.

What did I do wrong?

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