Page 75 of One Bed

Although his words weren’t unexpected, pain’s talons ripped through her soul. ‘You’re leaving?’

He shrugged, his face in shadows. ‘If you’re going to ignore me, I might as well.’

Her instinct was to apologise, to make things right, but she was better than that. Shehadto be. ‘I’m not keeping my distance because I want to, Gib!Youwon’t talk tome.’

‘I do talk to you, of course I do. You’re just pissed because I won’t talk to you about my past, about my feelings and shit. I don’t have to do that, Bea. It’s not a rule.’

His feelings andshit. His dismissive tone was nails on a chalkboard. ‘No, of course it’s not. But you know everything about me, and I know nothing about you. Do you know how vulnerable that makes me feel?’

‘It was your choice to tell me your shit!’

That was the second time he’d used the swear word as a euphemism for her feelings. ‘It was my choice, I’ll give you that. It’s also my choice to slam on the brakes.’

He scowled at her. ‘Are you thinking that if you withhold sex, I’ll cave? Newsflash, I’ve been having sex for more than half my life, and nobody has cracked me yet. You’re not that –fuck…’

‘Special?’ she filled in the missed word hanging between them.

He linked his hands behind his head. ‘Why do women always do this? Why do you start off saying it’s a fling, that it means nothing, then change course halfway through? Why couldn’t we have had this, and maybe, when I made it to London, we could’ve hooked up again? Why can it never be simple?’

His voice was rough with frustration, but she heard the undernote of confusion.

‘I can’t speak for anyone else, Gib, but having you drop in and out of my life isn’t good enough for me. I want more.’

‘What does more even mean?’ he demanded, putting his hands on the bed and leaning forward. The muscles in his arms bunched, and the veins on his arms lifted. He looked tough, dangerous and demanding but so very hot.

‘What are you asking from me? Do you want a commitment? A ring? Babies? A future? Good God, we’ve only known each other for two weeks. Nobody makes crazy decisions like that in so short a time!’

Cass and Nadia did…

She shook her head. ‘I’m not that needy, Gib, and you’re the one who’s looking too far into the future.’

‘Then what the hell is your problem?’

Herproblem. Yet again, she was being blamed for something she didn’t do, for something she wanted, for putting her needs first. Well, to hell with that. This was her heart, her life and if she didn’t protect it, who would? She had to write her own story, she refused to hand over that power to anyone else.

‘My problem is that you think sex and a couple of laughs is enough. That it’s fine for me to be emotionally vulnerable but not you. That it’s OK for me to feel exposed, one giant nerve ending, but for you to be closed down and shut off. You think it’s quite fine for there to be a different set of rules for me. If you didn’t want me probing and poking around in your head, then you should’ve stayed out of mine!’

He rubbed his jaw with his palm and covered his mouth with his hand.

‘I don’t think it’s OK for me to confide in you and you not to do the same. I don’t want a sex and surface-based relationship where we exchange a few text messages, and you drop in and out of my life. I’ve had a bad relationship before, Gib. My ex used me, and if I agreed to what you suggested earlier, you flying in and out of my life, I’d be allowing you to use me, too.’

‘That’s not fair!’

She lifted one shoulder to her ear. ‘You’d get what you needed from me –great sex, a couple of laughs, some superficial conversation – and then you’d return to your eighty-hour work weeks until you could spare the time to see me again.’

Not happening.

‘I deserve more than that, Gib. My parents put their needs before mine, and so did my ex. This time I’m putting my needs first. I want a guy, Ideservea guy who’s there a good portion of the time, someone to share my life with, to give me good advice when I need it, to hold me when my world is falling apart. But I also deserve to be with a guy who trusts me enough, who thinks I’m strong enough, to hold uphissky when it’s about to fall on him. A guy who will talk to me, seek my advice when he needs it, who needs my support. I want someone in the storm with me, not standing outside of it, safe. Bottom line, I’m not prepared to settle for imbalance anymore, Gibson.’

He slowly stood up, his eyes tumultuous. ‘I can’t give you that, Bea.’

‘I know.’

She threw back the covers and walked around the bed to where he stood. Surprising him, she wound her arms around his waist and placed her forehead on his chest. His hands stayed at his side, and he was board-stiff. She hugged him tight and stood on his toes to kiss his cheek.

‘Thank you for the best almost two weeks, Gib.’ She remembered the boy he’d been and dredged up a smile. ‘You were definitely more fun this time around.’

‘And, this time, there’s nothing easy about leaving you,’ he softly said.

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