Page 76 of One Bed

Bea nodded. Holding her head up high, she walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

And then she started to cry.

While tears ran down her face, and pain soaked into her skin, Bea held onto the thought that when she was done crying, when the pain became a little more manageable, she’d start picking up the pieces of her life and start fitting them together. Some pieces wouldn’t fit and would have to be turfed, others could be reshaped.

A new Bea would, hopefully, emerge, better and stronger than before. She’d done this before –recovered, started over, walked down a new path, and regrown her heart. She could do it again. She had to. She had no choice.

She’d gather the pieces of her sliced and diced heart and tack them back together again. It would be smaller than before, but tougher. In time, months or years, so would she.

She hoped.

* * *

Late Sunday afternoon, Bea sat on the wall of the esplanade and watched the sun go down. Was it less vibrant tonight? The yellows weren’t as rich, the pinks and purples a little faded, the orange and reds wishy-washy. To be fair, everything seemed muted on the island since Gib left yesterday. The sun had lost a lot of its warmth, the wind was colder and brisker, and the sea choppier. It was like Gib had taken all the colour and intensity with him.

It had only been a day, but she missed him. God, so much. But although she was walking around with a hole in her soul, she knew she’d made the right decision. She couldn’t settle for less than what she needed, and she couldn’t put his needs above her own. If he’d been willing to compromise, to try and work on his reticence, if he’d evensuggestedhe was willing to try, she might’ve backed down a little, but she hadn’t meant enough to him to even make that much of an effort.

Her fault for falling in love with him. So stupid.

In between bouts of tears, she’d spent a lot of time thinking about her life, and deciding what she could, and should, take responsibility for. Had her father stepped up to the plate and not been a self-involved git, she wouldn’t have rearranged her world to make people comfortable at the expense of her happiness. She was done with that. She was worthy of more.

While she was thinking about useless creatures, she thought she might as well work through any lingering issues she had with Gerry and her mum.

Surprisingly, she didn’t find any. She wasn’t, in any way, responsible for Gerry ending up in her mother’s bed. In no way, shape or form did she push Lou and Gerry together. And Lou chose Gerry over herdaughter, and also used their sick love triangle for publicity. She didn’t miss either of them, and her life was better without their toxic presence.

Neither of them deserved another atom of her energy. Ever.

Bea stretched her arms and rolled her head, feeling the muscles in her neck stretch and lengthen. The sunset was fading, and the temperature dropping. She should think about eating a proper meal; she’d done nothing but drink coffee since she’d watched Gib drive off in his rental, taking her heart with him…

No, she wasn’t going to think about him anymore. She was heading back to London tomorrow, she, Reena and Golly were on the same mid-morning flight. She’d be in her flat by lunchtime, and she could get stuck into work in the afternoon.

She imagined herself in her two-bedroomed flat. Her double bed just squeezed into the bigger of the two bedrooms, and her desk into the small study, which looked out onto a frankly ugly steel and glass building.

The weather would be grim, rainy and cold, and the days would be considerably shorter. She didn’t want to go back to London. She wanted to stay here a little longer, and not only because she wanted to cement her memories of Gib. This was her happy place, where she felt she could breathe. But the lovely days of Autumn were over, the days were growing colder and Santorini in winter was as miserable as wet, dreary London.

Bea felt a blanket on her shoulders and looked up to see Golly standing behind her. She managed to smile at her godmother, and murmured her thanks.

‘Working out the world’s problems, Bea-darling?’

‘Just mine.’ Bea patted the wall and Golly sat, crossed her legs and pulled a cigarillo and a lighter from her pocket. She lit up and pulled in a long drag. The smell of the cigar was deeply comforting.

After a few minutes of comfortable silence, Bea spoke. ‘I think I want to step out from behind Parker Kane.’

Golly, damn her, didn’t even look a little surprised. ‘I thought you would. The best way to do that is to hire a PR person to manage that for you.’

‘Do you know someone?’ Stupid question, of course she did. Golly kneweveryone.

‘Yep.’ Golly crossed one leg over the other. ‘What prompted this decision?’

She shrugged. ‘I’m just finished with things that don’t serve me anymore. I think I’d like to do book signings, go to conferences, be a little more public. Yes, I’ll be linked to Lou initially, but maybe the PR people can negate that.’

‘I’m sure they could.’

‘Also, I’m cutting Lou out of my life. I won’t haveanycontact with her from now on.’ Bea watched a speedboat skim across the caldera, lights blazing.

She wanted toliveher life.

She wanted to stop hibernating, she wanted to make new friends. Maybe, in time, if she could get past her feelings for Gib, even start dating. For the last five years she’d lived a small, quiet life, and now she wanted heat, laughter and passion. She wanted tofeel, even if those feelings hurt. At least then she could say she was living rather than existing.

---