Page 112 of Take What You Want

Eh. I think I’ll stay here. Maybe if there is an intruder, they’ll take my choice away from me.

The door to the bathroom bursts open and bangs against the wall so hard, it shakes on its hinges. I roll my head to the side and blink a few times, trying to clear my vision. When I do, the panicked face of my best friend greets me.

“Nik.” Reid exhales, eyes bouncing from my face to the bottles in each of my hands. His eyes go wide when he sees the pill bottle, but then relax slightly when he sees it’s still capped. “What’s going on?”

I can’t help it. I laugh.What’s going on?It’s such a simple question with such a complex answer that I don’t even know how to begin to detangle.

Reid approaches me as if I'm a feral cat and crouches at the entrance of the shower. He frowns at my laughter. “I just saw you a few hours ago. What happened between now and then?”

“Everything and nothing.”

“You’re not making sense.”

I shrug. Maybe not to him, but to me, it does. There’s nothing that I can pinpoint that happened between us going out tonight and me ending up on the floor. But there’s also every single thing that’s happened lately that has piled on top of each other to bring me to this moment.

The shooting.

The media attention.

The hiatus.

The nightmares.

The regret.

“You don’t get it,” I say, exhaustion infused in those four simple words.

Reid watches me in that way of his, like he can see through me. “Then help me understand. Explain it to me. I want to help.”

I shake my head and look down, not able to hold his gaze. I mumble my response.

“What was that?”

I repeat it, louder this time, and the admittance of it makes me feel weak. “What if I don’t want help?”

Reid releases a harsh breath through his nose. “No.”

“No what?”

“I won’t allow that.”

I don’t even have it in me to fight with him. “It’s not your choice.”

“It is my choice if you’re going to make the wrong one.”

“I’m…I’m so fucking tired, man.” I look at him, needing him to see the inner turmoil I’ve hidden for months. “I don’t know how to deal with it. I don’twantto deal with it anymore.”

His jaw ticks but his blue eyes soften. “I get it. Trust me Nik, you know I do. But I’m telling you, you have to fight it. You’re too important.”

I raise the bottle for another drink but he snatches it out of my hand and tosses it across the room. It shatters near the sink but I don’t even care. What does it matter anyways?

“Are you listening to me?” He rips the pill bottle out of my other hand and launches it out of reach, too. I make a sad effort to grab it, but give up the moment I try to push off the wall and dizziness sends me falling back. “Your story isn’t ending like this. You’re not going to be a coward.”

“I’m not a coward.”

“You are if you think this is the way to deal with this.”

“Fuck you,” I murmur.

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