Page 114 of Secrets & Curses of Crimson

I could tell he wanted to argue, but he gave me a sad smile and nodded. I tried to read his mind, but I couldn’t. Cassius’ eyes traced over my face slowly, like he was seeing me for the first time in a long time. Fuck, I missed him so much. I couldn’t wait to fulfill my prophecy at the wedding and be done with this. I just wanted to be with Cassius.

“I just wanted to see you,” I whispered. "I've missed you." I wanted one more time to pretend like everything was fine. When I was near Cassius, it made me feel like nothing could go wrong. His fingers traced over my face asif he were trying to remember everything about me. Could he feel how terrified I was that we may never get a moment like this again?

“I’ve missed seeing your face every time I wake up,” he whispered. Cassius seemed to hesitate before continuing. “No matter what happens in the future, I need you to know that you have been my reason for living. Every breath I take is for you. You have wrecked me in the best of ways, Thea. You have always been my purpose: to make you happy, to make sure you know you are loved. I hope I have done both of those things for you. I hope you never think of me and wonder if I loved you because I would have never been able to exist without loving you. I ameternallyyours, andnothingwill ever change that.”

Tears streamed down my face because this oddly felt like him saying goodbye to me, but he had no idea what was supposed to happen to him at the wedding. I couldn’t help the sob that escaped me as Cassius pulled me against his body and hugged me tightly. The weight of saving him and the realm felt all-consuming.

I did not want to lose him. I did not want to exist without him; I couldn’t exist without him. Sobs escaped me as I held him to me tightly, like that would keep him from slipping through my fingers. His hands ran up and downmy back as he kissed my head. Cassius held me silently and let me cry.

“I love you,” I said softly.

“I know you do, my love, and you know I love you too.”

I pulled back and stared into his pretty golden eyes. I tried to read his mind, but I couldn’t.

“Why does it feel like you are saying goodbye?” I asked.

“I just want you to know that no matter what, I love you,” he said before leaning forward and kissing me. “I know you’re keeping something from me.” He frowned. I knew he would never guess that I broke my curse. Cassius watched me closely like he was trying to see inside my head. I knew it wasn't fair to keep secrets from him.

I shook my head, but he gave me a sad smile.

“You don’t have to tell me. I trust you more than anyone else. But if you think you are doing a good job hiding your sadness from me, you aren’t. I can see it when you look at me that you are terrified. So keep your secrets, little viper, because I know you wouldn’t keep them unless you absolutely had to.”

My marriage bond demanded I tell him what was happening, but I couldn’t. Why was he so damn understanding? I was so proud that he was mine. Slowly, I settled back against him. One of my favorite things I used to do with him was lay in bed and tell him how my day was or storiesfrom my childhood. Cassius never seemed annoyed by my constant talking. In fact, he seemed content to just listen to my blabbering. I traced my fingers over his chest, smiling at the memories.

"This is nice," I said. "I feel like I am home when I am close to you."

Cassius' arm squeezed me tighter.

"You feel like home too, my love." After a moment Cassius chuckled softly.

I sat up and smiled at him. "What?"

"I know you don't remember, but you used to talk my ear off every night before bed." His eyes shined brightly. "It was one of my favorite things."

I creased my brows. It was crazy that we were both thinking about that at the same time.

"Well, I have a story for you if you want to hear one." My smile widened when he nodded eagerly. So I told him of when I escaped Exile and found myself back in Cerithia. Then I told him of my scouting trips to Crimson and seeing him for the first time and how something shifted inside of me when I first saw his face. Cassius smiled as he listened to all of it. The more I talked, the more everything else was forgotten. It felt like it did before the curse.

But then I made the mistake of looking Cassius directly in the eyes. My words faded when an image of him dyinghit me. I flinched and looked away from him as panic swarmed my chest and made it impossible to breathe. My eyes closed tightly to try and get rid of the image, but it only seemed to get worse. Cassius grabbed me and pulled me to him when he realized I was upset.

"Are you alright?"

“I should go,” I said in a panic. I went to slide out of bed, but Cassius stopped me and pulled me back so I was flush against him.

“Stay. Let’s have this moment for a little longer. Everything feels normal when you are near me.”

“Alright, I’ll stay for a little bit.” I agreed as I wrapped my arms around him. The scent of rain and forest surrounded me. Cassius’ hand ran up and down my back as I tried desperately to memorize how he felt against me: the warmth of his body, his scent, the way his heart beat in a soft rhythm. Cassius turned so he was on his back, and I could rest my head on his chest.

My eyes were heavy as the presence of Cassius being close made me feel safe. I wished I could stay, but when Cassius’ hand gradually stopped rubbing my back as he fell asleep, I stayed for only a few more minutes. The longer I stayed, the harder it would be to leave, and I still had things to do.

I sat up slowly, watching Cassius’ chest rise and fall in steady breaths, hoping I would never see the day it stilled. Leaning forward, I gave him a chaste kiss and stood, slipping on my boots and cloak. Glancing over my shoulder one last time at Cassius, I stilled when he was staring at me.

“I love you.” He smiled.

“I love you too, always.”

Quickly, I summoned his shadows and left because if I didn't, I wouldn’t be able to. Now that I knew Cassius was fine, I needed to go to one more place. My destination was the blood witches. When I got to the coven, they were all waiting for me. I’m assuming they had felt my urgency to meet with them.

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