Page 51 of Provoke You

What happens to the boy who loses a mother like that? He spends the rest of his life trying to save everyone around him.

“It’s impossible to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. I know this now. Dad let himself go too, and there was nothing I could do about it.”

“I’m sure you blamed yourself for that one too. What happened to him?” I caressed his cheek.

“I don’t know. He just stopped living. The doctors couldn’t explain it. I heard a nurse say to my social worker that Dad had died of a broken heart. He couldn’t stand life without Mom.”

His eyes turned dark, and then it hit me. The first day we met, I’d been wasted. He spent the whole night babysitting my drunk ass, possibly worried I’d OD too. I covered my mouth.

“Omigod, Matt. I’m so sorry.”

“For what?”

“No wonder you were so mad at me the morning after we met. I must’ve scared the hell out of you.”

“I was mad at you. But I had to help you. Make sure you were okay.”

“Not that this helps anything, but that night I was pissed at Dad. He hates it when I go out and party, so that’s what I did. That wasn’t me that night. Not anymore.”

“You don’t owe me an explanation.”

“I promise. You don’t have to worry about me.”

He surveyed my face, running a finger down my wet cheek. His grim visage buried itself deep in my chest. How many times did Mom worry I’d turn up dead? Is that why she moved away? And Dad? No, they both left way before I was old enough to drink.

“I promise. You don’t have to worry about me.” I repeated the words over and over until he finally said he believed me. “Do you?” I asked.

“I believe you. I’ve seen how your dad pushes your buttons. Probably just as bad as you like to push my buttons.” He relaxed his features on that last part.

“Seems that’s a vicious cycle.” I glanced down, but he hooked his index finger under my chin and made me face him.

“That was a long time ago. Since then I’ve figured out that my mother was her own person. And that not everyone who drinks is going to end up on a bathroom floor. I’m not one to judge you. Do you believe that?”

“I do. But if you have learned to manage that part of your life, why are you so afraid to be with me?”

“It isn’t fear.”

He stared, and I did the same. “Yes, it is.”

“What’s the point?” He shrugged.

He’d seen so much death since he was a boy. First his parents, then the fucked-up missions. “What’s the point if people die anyway?”

He smiled down at his hands. “You make me sound pretty stupid when you say it aloud.”

“You’re not wrong in that. But we can’t give up.” I placed my hand on his face, which this late in the morning had that sexy-as-heck afternoon shadow. “Some hot guy once told me you can’t let the bad guys win.”

“Well, that guy sounds like he knows what he’s talking about.” He laughed, and tiny bubbles filled my heart.

“How did you end up with four brothers?”

He raised an eyebrow at me. “Now that we’re started, you won’t stop, huh?”

I shook my head. “You might as well tell me everything right now.”

“There’s not much to tell. As you can imagine, I was a terror of a kid when I landed in the system after Dad died. I went through four homes in two months.”

My chest tightened at the thought of Matt as a little boy with no one to look after him. No family or friends. For all my complaining about my parents, I at least had parents to complain about.

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