Page 50 of Provoke You

“If you were me, you’d understand.” I pressed my forehead to his.

“I feel the same, but we can’t forget we’re not alone in the house.”

“That worries you.” I rested my hands on his oh-so-muscular thighs to get a better look at his face.

“They’re risking a lot being here. Getting involved with you adds another layer of complication that most missions don’t have.”

“But they already know, and they chose to stay.”

“I know.”

“So what is it, then? Tell me.”

Maybe the middle of postcoital bliss wasn’t the best timing. But Matt was in a talking mood, and I had to take advantage and get answers to all my burning questions. The v line that formed between his eyebrows told me he was on to me.

“It’s not that I don’t want to tell you. This just isn't the time.” He waved a hand at our nude bodies by way of explanation.

“It’s actually the perfect time.” I threw my leg off him and climbed out of bed. While I was in the bathroom, I decided to take a shower and get dressed in clean sleep clothes. Not that I would ever turn down sex with Matt, but I had to at least try to stay on task. Fresh PJs felt like the right choice to go with.

When I came back to the room, Matt hadn’t thought to get dressed, though he did put his boxer briefs back on. I tossed him my semiwet towel, and he used it to wipe his belly. My core turned hot with desire, with the thought that I did that to him.

I put my knee on the edge of the mattress and climbed over him. He helped me by cupping my butt cheeks and squeezing hard. “Oh thanks.”

“My pleasure.”

I squinted my eyes at him. “Cute is not going to get you out of this. Who did you push in front of a bullet?” I used his own words, trying to be cute, but it came out so wrong. “I’m sorry. That’s not funny at all.”

“It’s fine. You’re not gonna let it go, are you?”

“Nope.” I piled two pillows together and made myself comfortable. He stayed where he was, but he turned his body toward me. That small effort cut his pecs in half and added an extra row of abs to his stomach. Good God. Focus.

“It was my mom.”

Oh fuck. I was officially the queen of putting my foot in my mouth. “I’m sorry, Matt. I had no idea.”

“It took many years for me to figure out I didn’t drive her to do what she did. It never stopped hurting.”

I opened my mouth to ask what she’d done, but for once, I did the sensible thing and gave him time to answer when he was ready.

He pursed his lips, and my heart twisted tight. How long ago did he say his parents died? He’d obviously had a happy ending since he now had a family. From what I could see, he had a mom who worried about him and a brother willing to fly hours just to tell him in person that he needed to call his mom. So what happened before the Coles took him in?

He fixed his gaze on the lamplight behind me, absently drawing circles on my shoulder. When I shifted away from him, he turned his attention to me. A spark of fear touched his eyes. Did he think I was leaving?

“How old were you?”

“When she died? Ten. I was the one who found her on the bathroom floor. I called 911 and then Dad. By the time the paramedics showed up, she was already gone.”

“I'm sorry.”

He shook his head. “I was pissed at her. That wasn’t the first time I’d found her like that. Or the first time I called an ambulance. I sat there and glared at her, angry that she would do this to herself again. If I hadn’t been such an asshole, I would’ve done something to save her. I would’ve said goodbye.” His eyes watered, and all I could do was hug him.

“What happened to her?”

“Alcohol poisoning. I think that day she added Xanax to the cocktail.” He let out a long breath, and his tensed muscles relaxed against me.

“That wasn’t your fault.”

“Maybe I didn’t pull the trigger. I didn’t make her drink every day and get wasted. But I could’ve saved her.”

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