Page 28 of Honoring Lena

When was the last time he’d felt normal, like he didn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulders? High school? Definitely not. His parents had pushed him so hard he hadn’t had room to breathe. The Air Force? Maybe. The military seemed to be the great equalizer of people. The Air Force didn’t care who your parents were or how much money was in the bank. If you had honor and worked hard, you excelled.

He was so exhausted from years of always having to be on. From fighting to strengthen the nation in DC to shifting the manufacturing business Amara had left to fully support the military, he hadn’t had time to breathe, let alone pause to consider if he really should do what he was doing. Maybe it was time to give up his pursuits in the Capitol, let someone else take the torch.

“Daddy, the fox is playing.”

Marshall tore his gaze from Lena and took a deep breath to focus. The fox frolicked in the field, disappearing in the tufts of grass to pop up again. Marshall envied the carefree existence the animal had. Not that he wanted to sell everything and live off the land or anything. But being able to let loose and have fun would only make his relationship with Carter stronger.

“She’s playing and having fun, but she’s also working.” Lena pointed toward the animal. “See how she tips her head before she jumps into the grass?”

“Uh-huh.” Carter wiggled like he wanted to be jumping rather than just sitting still.

“She’s listening for critters she can eat, voles or other rodents that live in the grass.” Lena sighed and wrapped her fingers around the straps of her pack. “We can learn a lot from the fox. They’re one of the few animals that find fun in survival.”

The fox disappeared again, only this time she came up with a mouthful of rodent. Carter cheered and clapped like the thing had just won the playoffs. It darted off into the woods, but Lena’s words lingered. Could Marshall find a way to have fun and yet still do all that was required of him? There was only one way to find out.

He put Carter down and grabbed his hand. “Want to pretend to be foxes? We can jump and play through the grass while we hunt.”

“Yeah!” Carter squeezed Marshall’s legs in a tight hug. “I love you, Daddy.”

“I love you, too, buddy.” Marshall patted Carter’s back, swallowing down the lump in his throat.

“Come on.” Carter took off, tumbling through the grass with a laugh.

Marshall followed, bending down next to Carter, who was twisting his head from side to side like the fox did. He took off again with a yip. A laugh burst from Marshall as he raced after his son, barking more like a dog than a fox, though he wasn’t even sure what a fox sounded like.

He glanced back at Lena. She trailed behind them, a smile upon her beautiful face. Her gaze met his and filled him with reassurance. She took a deep breath, nodded, then scanned the area, probably for trouble.

A shriek of laughter pulled him back to where Carter had disappeared behind a lump of grass. Carter’s head poked up from the greenery to the left of the tuft, so Marshall bunched his muscles and sprang over the grass. The ground sank when he landed and sent him sprawling into a boggy, moss-filled mess. Frigid water seeped through his clothes and made him shiver. Lena and Carter laughed behind him, so he flopped onto his backside and sat up.

“That’s the problem with Alaskan muskeg.” Lena’s face radiated joy as she helped Carter to his feet, and Marshall wasn’t upset that he was wet and chilled. “It can be firm ground one minute and unstable under your feet the next.”

“That seems to be an Alaskan trait.” Marshall grinned up at her. “Throwing me off-balance.”

Would she catch his meaning? Did he want her to?

“I’d like to think of it as keeping you on your toes.” Lena stepped close and extended her hand.

She helped him stand more than he wanted to admit. What looked like solid ground with bushes growing from it shifted underneath him and made it difficult to get out of. When he finally stood, his clothing stuck to his skin and sent another shiver through him.

Lena scanned him from head to toe, her forehead creasing in concern. “Let’s get back and get you out of your clothes.”

Her eyes winged to his and were wide on her face as a deep pink blush tinted her cheeks. He tipped his head back and laughed. Heat spread through him at the thought of her warming him up.

“You know what I mean.” She snatched Carter’s hand and headed back toward the cabin.

“I don’t know, Lena.” Marshall’s voice was smug to his own ears. “You might have to explain that to me.”

She turned to glare at him, but the smile that tipped her lips negated the expression. She focused back on the way to the cabin, tripping slightly on a clump of grass. He chuckled and rubbed a hand across his chest. Could it be that he left Lena as unbalanced as she did him?

Lena shook out Marshall’s pants as she prepared to toss them in the wash. She’d have to contact Bjørn on the ham radio and make sure he brings up more water. If Marshall and Carter kept it up, they’d be out of water by the next day.

Her cheeks heated again with the thought of her words to Marshall. She hadn’t meant it in the way it had sounded. The entire way back to the cabin, her thoughts had raced between his laughter and how amazing he was with Carter. When she thought back over the last two months, she realized she’d been unfair to Marshall. Sure, he wasn’t around enough, but when he was, Carter had his undivided attention, even if it happened to be thirty minutes here and there. Earlier, Marshall had taken it to a new level with his fox impression.

Marshall and Carter’s voices filtered through the wall that divided the bathroom from the utility room, their laughter settling in her bones. She twisted the jeans in her hands. The desire for laughter and family in her life warred with the need for justice. What if Bjørn was right and her bitterness pushed all hope of having a family of her own away?

Something crinkled through the fabric as she clenched his jeans in her hands. She pulled out a folded piece of paper. Setting the pants on the washer, she carefully opened the moist paper. It was fragile, more so from the obvious wear of many openings than getting wet.

She licked her lips and read the words written in neat, flowing letters. A rock settled in her stomach at what could only be Marshall’s wife’s begging words to forgive her. Words of terror and worry. Words that claimed she had to push him to vote for a bill she knew to be wrong to keep Carter safe. Guilt layered thick in the ink and etched understanding and pain in Lena’s heart. Marshall’s wife had only done what every mother would have when their child was threatened, what Lena would probably do in the same situation.

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