Page 65 of Time To Live Again

Olive’s absence differs from what I felt when Corey died. Corey and I had a connection since birth. He was a constant in my life, and I didn’t know any different. He was the closest thing to having a twin brother in every way except for different parents. Our connection was indescribable on a completely emotional, platonic level. How do you sever an invisible line to someone after twenty-five years without feeling like a piece of your soul has been torn away?

My connection with Olive is mending my broken soul and filling it with a love I never knew existed. A love that is not only emotional but physical. When she’s near, an all-consuming wave of passionate desire thrums beneath my skin. From day one, I saw my future with her in it as my wife, best friend, mother of our children, and the woman whose hand I’ll be holding until we’re old and gray.

And now I’m sitting alone on our bench planning how to executeOperation Make Olive Fall in Love with Me. I only got a few hours of sleep last night, though, and yawns keep slipping from my mouth. I startle when a hand grips my right shoulder.

“Sorry,” Sully says, walking around the bench. “Late night?”

I eye him wearily. “What do you think?”

“I hope so. Up for some company?”

“Um. Yeah. Sure.” I move over to give him some room. “Did you leave Smokey at home?”

He sits next to me and unzips his jacket a couple of inches. Smokey’s little head peeks out, and she releases a light meow as if she’s saying hi or complaining it’s too cold. I scratch behind her ears, regardless of whether she or Sully like it or not. No complaints from either. A win for me.

Looking out at the water and enjoying the view, we sit in comfortable silence. I’m used to that when I’m with him, but this is a different quiet. He shocked me last night when he stopped to say goodbye to Olive. I’ll wait him out until he says something.

“Figured I’d find you out here. Maybe I should claim a tree and a bench to sulk under.”

“I’m not sulking.”

“Oh, sorry. I guess that’s only my job.”

“Pfft.You don’t sulk. You scowl.”

He shrugs while petting Smokey. “Not gonna deny it.”

I turn to see him better. “Thanks for coming over last night. It meant a lot to Olive…and me.”

Another shrug. “She’s good for you.”

I pretend to almost fall off the bench. “Holy shit. Was that a compliment from you, Mr. Grouch?”

Sully smacks me upside the head. “Don’t be a dick.” I smooth out my hair, and Smokey hisses at Sully. Is she telling him to behave? “You probably think I don’t pay attention to anything except my shitshow of a life.”

I rest my elbow on the bench. “Basically. But it’s understandable.”

And another shrug. His muscles are going to cramp one day, and his shoulders are going to get stuck to his ears.

“My eyes are always open. Remember how pissed off you and Corey would get because I knew your secrets or whatever shit you got up to? I’m observant.” Then he shakes his head and scoffs. “Not that it did shit for me with my current situation. How could I have been that blind? How did I not notice my best friend and business partner screwing around with my fiancée?” He growls. “Sorry, I’m not here to talk about me.”

“You know, it’s okay to talk about what happened, Sul. I mean, I don’t have room to talk”—I roll my eyes at myself—“but please, promise me you won’t be as stupid as me to waste so much time feeling sorry for yourself. You won’t get that time back. It’s okay to mourn what you’ve lost and mend your heart along the way. But I’ve wasted too much time, lost too many friendships, drove my family batty—and what did I get out of it?”

“Olive,” he says with finality. I didn’t expect that from him. Neither did he. He looks as surprised as me that he said it.

“Since when did you become such a wise fucker?” I punch his arm. “You’re right, though. But I wish I had met her earlier. I could’ve spent that time with her instead of alone at some hotel, avoiding my past like a selfish shit.”

“You can’t change it now. I can’t either. I’ve seen a difference in you and it makes me happy to see my little brother coming back. You’re kind of a mixture of the old and new, which is a pretty good deal. Gives me hope that my life won’t be like this forever.” He waves his hand in front of himself. “ThatIwon’t always be like this. Stuck in a big black fucking hole.”

Smokey licks the back of Sully’s hand to comfort him. Maybe I should get a cat.Negative. In a couple of months, things will get better. I hope.

“I promise you won’t. My issues haven’t disappeared, but I’m on the right track now. One day you’re going to wake up and find yourself in a life that’s better than you could’ve imagined. And you’re going to be thankful. And it doesn’t have to be because of a woman. It could be a job decision. Or you could win the lottery.” He narrows his eyes at me. “Come on, you know what I mean.”

“Fine. Let’s stop talking about my problems. Don’t let Olive go. Fight for her. Is that where I went wrong? Maybe I didn’t focus enough on our relationship. On her.”

“Don’t blame yourself. There were others involved. I’m glad you found out before you got married.”

“Me too.” He crosses his ankles in front of him. “So what are you going to do now?”

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