Page 66 of Time To Live Again

“I have an idea. I threw a bunch of stuff in Mom’s attic after Corey died. Aunt Betty’s too. Want to go look through it with me? It’ll be tough, but I think it’s about time. What do you say? Do you have work to do?”

“Ehhh. There’s always shit to be done here, but we know the owner. We can skip work for a little while. I think we could all use a good dose of the past. Want to ask Tonya too? Maybe she’ll whip up some martinis. I wouldn’t care if they’re the fucking pink ones either. And then she can fulfill her daily quota of organizing shit.” He chokes on a laugh.

I cover my gasp with a cough, hoping he didn’t notice. It’s amazing that he’s joking around and talking this much. Sully was known for his boisterous laugh. I look forward to the day he finds it again. I look away and blink to keep my emotions in check. Then it hits me. This is how everyone else felt when they saw me dance and sing again.

“Sounds like a plan. Thanks, Sully. I feel a hell of a lot better.”

“Anytime. Maybe you can return the favor one day.”

I stand and wipe off the back of my jeans. “You can count on it. But it better be under your own tree and bench.”

He adjusts Smokey in his jacket and zips it up. Then he stands and pulls me in for a hug, keeping enough space between us so we don’t crush her.

“Love you, bro,” I say, patting him once on the back.

“Love you too.” He pushes me away and I balance myself. “Now, enough of this shit. Let’s go down memory lane, get drunk in the middle of the day, and forget about everything else.”

“You’re on.”

I’ve missed this.

I’ll never take a second for granted again.

28

OLIVE

Saying goodbye was tougher than I expected. But it was also easier because my damn alarm didn’t go off. I had a whole half hour to gather my things and check out of the hotel. Our goodbye was short and sweet. Too short, but that was probably better for the both of us. I didn’t break down until I was on the ferry. That wasn’t the best situation because I had to leave my car and go up to the deck, but I found a seat in a corner by a window and faced outside.

There’s a weird emptiness inside me, yet a bubbling anticipation too. And I’m overflowing with motivation. I accomplished quite a few goals this week. Of course, I didn’t expect to add a new one to the list. Still, I’ll do anything to prepare for a life with Leo.

The first thing to do is find a therapist. It’s time to confront the aftermath of working in a hospital during the pandemic, the guilt that latched on to me when I quit, the hole that was left when Dad died, and my relationship with Mom. I need to find coping mechanisms for when things get out of hand.

And deep down, I know I have to go to LA to confront my demons.

I turn on my blinker as my apartment complex comes into view. It’s white but looks gray from years of neglect. It has three levels with four apartments on each floor. It looks the same as it did a week ago, I know, but somehow, it’s more depressing and ugly. The damp, cloudy weather doesn’t help. It’s hard to come back to reality after staying in a beautiful hotel for a week.

I park, then sit there in silence, delaying the inevitable. I’m afraid that when I step through the door into that familiar but disheartening atmosphere, the weight of my past will come rushing back.

I lift my wrist to my nose, sniff, and relax. Before I left Leo’s cottage, I sprayed myself with his cologne. (Don’t tell anyone this, but I ordered a travel-sized bottle for myself too. It should get here tomorrow. If that’s the one thing I can have of him until I see him again, I’ll take it.)

Now that I think of it, I should have stolen a T-shirt to sleep in too. Damn.

I grab my phone and send Leo a message, letting him know I’m home. He responds seconds later with a picture of him, Sully, and Tonya. They’re surrounded by boxes and holding up martini glasses. What are they doing?

Too bad Andy moved away. It’d be nice to—no, I’m not sad that nobody’s waiting for me in my apartment. I start to respond to Leo, then decide not to. We’d keep texting, and I’d end up staying in my car the whole time. I’ll respond once I’m settled.

A few minutes later, I unlock my door on the third floor and trudge inside, fatigue kicking in. I look around my two-bedroom apartment and…it feels different. The air is stuffy from being closed up for a week. An extra layer of dust has settled on the furniture and everything is stock-still. I hear nothing, not even the neighbors. Normally, I prefer quiet and seclusion, but this feels eerie after having been surrounded by people all week.

Leaving the suitcase in the middle of the living room, I carry the bag of food I bought on the way home to the kitchen. If I want to stay awake, I need some strong coffee. I start a pot while I put the groceries away and sort out my suitcase. When it’s ready, I pour a steaming cup and sit on my comfy recliner. The one piece of furniture I really like.

I text Andy before I do Mom. I need his positivity right now. A video call comes through seconds later. Someone’s curious. Let’s see if he notices my new hair color. I’ve hardly told him anything in our text exchanges this week.

I can’t hide my smile when I see his familiar face.Why can’t he be here?“Hey there, big brother!”

“Shh. Wait a second, Ol. I was in a meeting and called for a fifteen-minute break because I had to make an important call. Let me close my office door.” No matter how busy he is, his family comes first. It’s amazing how he can change from tough businessman to goofy brother in just a few seconds.

While he moves around, his jumpy phone screen makes my head spin. I stop watching and grab the blanket from the back of the recliner and drape it over my lap. Finally, he settles in his office chair and props the phone against something.

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