Page 42 of Colors and Curves

“While you were trying to protect her.”

He nods, his eyes sad.

“Didn’t social services get involved?”

“Dad was a great actor. He always managed to convince them that everything was okay. He should’ve been a lawyer, the fucking bastard. You’d think social services would’ve known something was wrong just by looking at our house, but nothing ever came of their visits. Dad also told me that he’d hurt Mom and Daisy if I said anything to anyone, especially at school.”

He shakes his head. “I’m sorry. I’m jumping all over the place.”

“I’m getting the picture. Keep going.”

“One day, my dad lost his driver’s license. He was caught drunk driving, but it was his first offense, so he was able to avoid jail time. I still don’t know how he paid for all the legal fees. As I got older and got jobs, he took my money. And he’d still threaten me with hurting Mom and Daisy. I’d do anything to protect them.

“Once I was older and could fight back, I slept in the same bedroom as Mom and Daisy to make sure he didn’t do anything to them. He usually passed out on the couch or wherever he landed when he got home. Sometimes he didn’t come home at all.”

He takes a deep breath, and so do I. Bringing up these memories has to split his heart into two. I wonder where his father is today. I brush my fingers through his hair. He closes his eyes as if it’s the best feeling. I keep doing it to make him relax.

“I knew he forced Mom to have sex. I heard it sometimes, and her crying afterward. I was so afraid he’d touch Daisy that way. There were times when he was drunk, and he’d look at her funny. My skin would crawl. I dreamed of a day that I could get them out of there. Really, I hoped he’d just leave one day and never come back. The only thing I had was my photography. It kept me going. And, as Mom encouraged me, I found it was something that took me to another world. I could find peace there for a little while.”

“It seems to still do that for you. It’s your outlet.”

“It was. I think you’re becoming my outlet. My vice.” He pecks me on the lips, then pulls me even closer to him.

“So, fast-forward to one really bad day. A big fight broke out between my father and Mom. He hit her hard, and I couldn’t take it anymore. I got in the middle. I told Mom to go back in her room because she didn’t have the will to fight back anymore. I told Daisy to lock herself in the bathroom. She did.”

“What were they fighting about?”

“Money. It was always money. Anyway, that day still replays in my mind. After a while, things cooled down and he left. I went to check on Mom.” His body tenses up and he drops his head to my chest. His breathing increases. I have a feeling I know what he’s going to say. He looks up at me, and his eyes are filled with tears. I wrap my arms around him as much as I can. My heart breaks.

“Tell me what happened.”

He squeezes his eyes shut. A tear trickles down his cheek. “I went into her bedroom and found an empty bottle of pills next to her bed. She was already dead when I found her.”

“Oh, Julius. I’m so sorry. I can’t even imagine.” I realize tears are streaming down my face. He looks at me and rubs them from my cheek. Still the protector.

“I should’ve been able to keep her safe.”

“Julius, look at me.” His pained eyes find mine. “It wasn’t your fault. You have to know that. You can’t blame yourself.”

“In my head, I know you’re right. But my heart will always think I should’ve done more. I should’ve seen the signs.”

“What happened after that?”

“Dad went on a rampage. Kept saying she killed herself because of us, that we were worthless pieces of shit. There was no point in trying to convince him otherwise. But not too long after Mom died, our hell ended. Dad was riding his bicycle drunk and ran off the road. Broke his neck. He died instantly.”

I want to say I’m sorry, but I’m not. The man was an asshole and deserved what he got. That poor family. I understand Daisy a little more now. And Julius a lot more.

“What happened to you and Daisy? How old were you?”

“She was fourteen and I was sixteen. My father’s sister, Marie, came to the rescue. At first, they said they were going to have to split us up and send Daisy and me to different foster homes. Then my aunt found out what happened, and she took us under her wing. Dad had cut off all ties with her years before, so she’d had no idea of what was going on with us till then.

“She moved us in with her, and our lives changed for the better. It wasn’t easy, but she had the patience of a saint. Her husband had died very young, so she’d never had kids and hadn’t remarried. We became her kids.

“Once we settled down, she found an eye doctor who specialized in achromatopsia. My life drastically improved after that. She spoiled Daisy and me. She encouraged me to keep going with photography, and she’s part of the reason we could afford to buy this place.”

Just when I think they’ve reached a happy ending, he drops his head and groans.

“We were so fucked up, though. Just because we’d found a better life didn’t mean we were mentally stable. Daisy had a really hard time, but I’m not going to get into the details. Let’s just say my father had made her feel ugly and unworthy. So she decided tattoos would cover her ugliness. That’s what she said when she started getting them. Then they became an obsession.”

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