Page 123 of The Ruse

Also, I think Asher and I should ramp things up even more so we can win Prom King and Queen. We could totally win.

April 3

I’ve been feeling kind of off lately. Really tired and pretty sick to my stomach in the mornings. I thought it was just me being depressed and missing Elijah, but then I realized it had been a while since I had my period.

So I took a pregnancy test.

And then another. And another.

They all came back positive.

I want to die.

April 9

I did the math and apparently, I’m like 16 weeks along. 16 weeks out of 40.

Who would have thought that the one time I had sex I would get pregnant? I don’t know how it happened. Maybe the condom broke? Or expired? Or just failed somehow.

It had one job! To make me NOT get pregnant when I’m in high school. I wasn’t supposed to get pregnant for like another ten years.

So that sucks.

But I was trying to pay better attention to my body today and felt little flutters in my stomach during first period so there is probably a real baby growing in there.

I’m trying to decide what to do. My parents will kill me if they find out I got pregnant. And then they’ll press charges on Elijah and he’ll get sent to jail.

This is a disaster.

April 14

I went to a clinic to get an abortion today. I figured it was the only way to protect Elijah. Plus, my parents made Alisha get an abortion when she got pregnant her freshman year of college, so I knew it’s what they’d want me to do anyway. Becoming a mom at 17 is not in the life plan they mapped out for me.

But while I was waiting for the nurse to call me in, I realized that I couldn’t go through with it. The baby is big enough to have a heartbeat and blink and we would be able to tell if it’s a boy or a girl.

I know Alisha had a hard time after her abortion and sometimes wonders if it was the right thing. I just don’t think I could live with myself for doing that to this baby. So I’m going to have to tell Elijah and try to figure out a way to tell my parents. I’m so scared.

PS: I won Prom Queen and Asher was Prom King. So yay for that, at least. I wonder if I should tell Asher that I’m pregnant… He’s been such a good friend to me. He might understand.

April 24

It’s been a week and a half and things have been a little better. Elijah didn’t love the news at first but he got used to the idea and admitted that he hasn’t been able to stop thinking about me. So we made some plans to disappear and go off the grid for a while. I’ll stay at this cabin that his parents own about an hour away. They never go there anymore so it should be a safe place to hide out. I’m just starting to show and people are going to get suspicious if I stay in Eden Falls much longer.

Elijah will finish out the school year so no one suspects anything. And then he’s going to try to get a job teaching in Alaska. They’re always looking for teachers and it’s so far away that we don’t think anyone will notice us.

I know it’s not the greatest plan, but my parents would never let me keep the baby and they would press charges against Elijah for statutory rape. I just know that’s what they’d do.

I don’t want either of those things to happen.

I know it’s complicated and everyone would think it’s crazy, but we love each other and want to make this work and I want my baby to have his or her dad in his/her life. He can’t do that if he’s in prison. And he can’t provide for us if he can’t get a job.

Everything is all set. The only thing left is for me to break up with Asher. I wish I could tell him what’s going on since I think he would understand. He has really become my best friend. But I don’t want to risk anything, so I probably won’t say anything.

I turned the page, and the rest of the journal was blank. That was the last journal entry she made.

I looked back to the date at the top. It was the twenty-fourth of April.

Bailee disappeared the next day.

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