“I’msosorry, Emerson,” I said, feeling like the worst human in the entire universe. “I’m so sorry that I did this to you.”

“I know you are.” She sniffled, her green eyes looking turquoise with all the tears she’d shed. “I’m sorry, too.”

We just stood there, watching each other through our tears.

But apparently, she could only stand to look at me for so long because she stepped closer, kissed me on the cheek, and whispered, “Goodbye, Vincent.”

Then without giving me a second glance, she walked out the door.

I hated how it didn’t sound like she was saying goodbye for a couple of days, because it sounded like she was saying goodbye forever.

37

Emerson

“Daddy needsto give Baby Evelyn back,” Jaxon said one Friday evening as we packed his overnight bag for him to go to Vincent’s for the weekend. “She criesforever.”

It had been two weeks since Victoria’s sister showed up with his baby.

Two weeks since all my hopes and dreams of resolving things with Vincent were crushed, and it felt like the world had split open on me again.

Two weeks where I had to tell myself daily that even though everything seemed to suck right now, it had to get better someday.

And two weeks where I’d stopped attempting to wear mascara all-together because it was pointless when I ended up crying it into a big mess on my face, anyway.

It was like I was back at square one again and trying to figure out a new direction for my life to go since the life with Vincent that I’d begun to piece together in my mind couldn’t happen.

Not when he’d given someone else the baby that should have been mine.

So even though we’d exchanged Jaxon several times over the past two weeks, I’d managed to avoid seeing Vincent.

The betrayal was simply too raw right now. I just couldn’t face him or his baby.

“I’m sorry she cries a lot. But she won’t cry so much when she’s older.” I grabbed Jaxon’s stuffed raccoon and dropped it in his backpack. “Did you know you used to cry all the time when you were little, too?”

“I did?” His brown eyes got all big and wide, like he couldn’t imagine ever crying as much as his new baby sister.

I nodded. “But you grew out of it, so I’m sure Evelyn will, too.”

I stumbled a little saying the baby’s name, but hopefully Jaxon didn’t notice that I too was having a difficult time accepting that she was a new, permanent part of his life.

Jaxon grabbed his baby blanket from his bed and handed it to me. “She makes Daddy too tired to play my game with me.”

“She does?” I asked, feeling bad that he was feeling neglected with the new addition to his world.

He nodded and put his little hand on his hips and pouted. “She’s ruiningeverything.”

I sighed and pulled my little guy into my arms. Being the only child for almost five years had definitely not prepared him to share his dad’s attention with someone else.

We were all having a rough time adjusting to this.

“I’m sorry.” I ran my fingers through my son’s blond hair and kissed his head. “I’m sure it’ll get better soon. Sometimes you don’t get to choose if you get a baby sister or not, and so you’re just going to have to make the best of it.”

He sighed and snuggled closer, wrapping his arms around me. “At least I still get my own room here. I’s glad you didn’t get a baby too.”

And I knew it was just the innocent talk of a four-year-old but hearing those words about me never having a baby stabbed at my heart just a little harder today than they usually did.

I swallowed and fought back the tears threatening to spill out my eyes. “You won’t have to worry about mommy ever having a baby.”