Page 112 of The Lottery

She gives me a reassuring smile, but the tears on her cheeks tell a different story.

I close my eyes. I can’t look by myself and no one will take me.

“Please tell Declan to hurry,” I say.

Astrid squeezes my hand.

* * *

I run my hands through his hair while he kisses and nuzzles my stomach. He looks up at me, his eyes glossy, his smile beaming.

“I am so happy, moya lyubov.”

“You are?”

“Yes,” he says, looking back to my belly and kissing it softly. “Now and forever.”

I move my hands through his hair again…

...but it’s gone.

Now my palms only find the smooth skin of my own stomach.

I keep my hands over my womb, trying to hold the peace of this moment, fighting to capture the joy of my dream even as consciousness returns, before the darkness settles in.

His child is inside me.

I felt it a few days back, just before Buddy took me, but thought I was being silly.

Now I know.

The doctor confirmed it.

I sit up in bed and my head feels better. The room doesn’t spin and no shock of pain runs down my spine. When I reach up to feel the bandage, it appears to have been redressed.

How long have I been asleep?

Hours?

Days?

The moment I start thinking about time, anxiety and anguish overtake me.

I’ve been sleeping too long. I have to go find him.

As I start to get out of bed, my door opens to reveal Declan, Astrid, and Lana dressed in black coats. Sad and tired as they all look, they put on smiles as soon as they see me.

“Come,” Lana says. “Let’s go search for your Marek.”

A small cry bursts out of my mouth and tears fall down my face, but I nod and walk past them. With every step my legs feel a little better. I take long strides, trying to outrun the sadness that threatens to overtake me.

* * *

Declan drives and Astrid sits shotgun. Lana sits in the back cabin with me, keeping my hand tightly clutched in hers the whole time.

There’s still snow on the ground but it’s quickly melting away under the midday sun.

This is good, I say to myself. We’ll be able to see his tracks.

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