Page 17 of Buried Secret 295

My eyes open to see my shadows swirl slowly around, ready for me to step into. My body almost funnels itself back to the regular world when I do. I no longer am in The Realm Of Dreams. Everything looks almost like a gray hue to it. Constantine pops next to me. “Scared the shit out of me. Somecan only enter short distances while others cannot access the veil. Powerful move just now.” His voice is prideful, and I try not to let that affect me.

“I blame my shadows because I am winging this.” They were indeed helping me more than I am them. I think about how they guided me to the library; they are my favorite things about myself. They are the glue that is holding my many pieces together.

“Well, take my hand and guide me where you want. Feel where the powerful energy is up for grabs. Let your instincts take over. It will let you know,” Constantine says.

I close my eyes and try to focus, feeling my magic pull me. When I open my eyes, I am in a cell. A set of beds is in a room, and men in white jumpsuits sleep in them. Their dreams are full of anger; it would only take the slightest touch, and I believe I would be full. I fall backward; Constantine shifts me, catching me before I stumble to the ground.

My pulse is hammering so loudly that I can’t hear what he says. Constantine’s eyes are on mine, his dark eyes becoming my focus as I start taking deep breaths and seem unable to catch my breath. The urge to cry has me feeling overwhelmed and I can’t seem to hear anything other than my labored breathing and heartbeat that seems so loud. Constantine takes my face between his hands, averting my eyes to him. My eyes finally focus on him, who appears to be trying to coach me. “Close your eyes and listen to my voice.”

My body shakes, and my legs don’t want to support me. Constantine continues to direct me to look at him. “Look at me, nowhere else. You’re safe. I got you. We are going to leave here together.”

My eyes focus on him, and he nods. “Good. Now, close your eyes. Let’s finish this. You will not be here when you open your eyes. I will tell you when.” I can only nod and close my eyes.He leads me to the right, grabs my hand, and places it where it needs to go. “You feel that right there?” Once again, I nod; it feels like my voice isn’t working.

I feel a vibration under my hand. “Now, I want you to touch it with your shadows. You will feel a small string. Hold it that way and visualize the library.” I do what he instructs me to, picturing the ground level of the library. I picture myself standing beside the railing next to the golden center. The string between my fingers vibrates as it warms within my grasp. “Open your eyes.” Constantine practically whispers.

As my eyes open, I see the library and am standing in the exact spot I visualized. Within my fingers, there is a small string I still have a grip on. It glows and is pulling itself towards the glowing center. “Place it in the light.” He instructs me.

My hand reaches out, and the surrounding area pulses before the elastic pulls towards the other dust material. “There, now, your magic is connected to this place. You can always send your shadows here to refill from the veil.”

Tears sting my eyes, and my body is shaking from relief and terror. Part of me is angry that he didn’t just pull me out of there. The other, more rational thought is pleased that I learned something through touch and intuition. I’m glad Constantine pushed me to complete the mission. My emotions are all over the place currently. I try to push my emotions back down. My knees wobble before they give out.

I feel like I am having an out-of-body experience because I am not in control. The room seems to spin around me and I cannot seem to find my equilibrium. Tears stream down my face. My body is gasping for air that seems to have synced up with my sobs. An emotion is building inside of me. I throw my head back and scream. The anguish escapes as my arms wrap around my middle. Part of me feels like I never left that prison. I am still there, trapped in that place, like those prisoners I just saw.Trapped within myself. Parts of me are chained inside of my mind, and I am terrified of letting them out.

I try not to focus on this public breakdown. My teeth gnash together at that thought, cutting off a scream of anguish that doesn’t want to stop. There is so much pain that is trapped inside of me. I open my eyes and see Constantine and Monica. Yet, I don’t focus on them. I focus on the dust that is floating above me. I don’t look away. Its presence is now anchoring me to this moment. I am free and safe.

Constantine clears his throat. “Um, if you would like to go back to your roo–”

“No!” I cut him off. I feel so raw, and my emotions, I can’t shove them down. There is no way I can fake returning to that room right now. My body is finally calming down. I sit on the floor before lying down and watching the dust float up toward the ceiling.

“Is there something wrong with your room? You slept here last night, stating you wanted to read. Yet, you didn’t get a book off the shelf.” Monica’s voice is gentle.

“Go see for yourself.” I huff out, feeling dumb once again. “I can’t even do that correctly. It sounds like it should be easy.” I let out a laugh, yet tears continued to fall even with my eyes closed. “It’s the only place I can visualize.” My throat feels thick. I honestly don’t know how long I laid there thinking about 203 and nights laying on the floor or my cot just like this. Waiting for one of us to talk.

The nights he wasn’t in his cell from fights or Dr. Vic’s laboratory were the worst. Those nights without 203, I couldn’t sleep without him in the cell next to me. I would pace the floors until I heard anything from the cell beside me. It felt like I held my breath until I heard his voice or his fingers knocking gently on the wall beside me. I used to cry until I came up with a plan of what I would do if he didn’t come back. Thoughts and plansof walking into the fighting ring and outstretching my arms, welcoming death from whatever beast they release to fight me.

I almost feel like doing that now, leaping into death rather than facing the misery of living in this world. Everything seems so overwhelming and difficult. The thought of giving up weighs heavily on me. It is something that I force myself to push aside because there is still a chance I can find him. I can’t give up. That thought drives me more than the plots of revenge of any kind. I need him to help me make sense of the world I find myself in.

When I sit up, a groan escapes as my body feels the effects of a weird emotional release. “Oh, you’re awake.” Monica sits next to me and tilts her head. “We have a surprise for you.” She holds out her hand, pulls me up, and motions for me to follow. I didn’t even know I fell asleep there on the floor. It felt like I was drifting.

We stop at a dark door. Stars seem to be painted on it. Monica motions me to open the door; I grab the handle and turn. Constantine stands in the middle of the room, circling around what appears to be a bedroom. It’s stunning. The ceiling looks like a mixture of stars and galaxies. They seem to be magicked, and they seem to almost twinkle from within. The bedspread is a deep purple that almost looked black at first glance. That seemed to extend even to the walls. It should be too dark, but there is light coming from the stars lining the ceiling. A TV rests on the walls and built-in bookcases along the back wall. Large, comfortable seats lined the floors, and a few hammock seats hung from the ceiling. “Are you redecorating?”

He stops what he is doing and rolls his eyes. “Monica, you were supposed to let me know.” He huffs before walking back over my way. “I’ve never done this for anyone other than me, but I created a bedroom for you.” He turns back around and looks at it before looking back at it. “At least this is my attempt.”

I feel speechless. My mouth opens and closes a dozen times before I nod to him. There is a lump in my throat that I have to swallow before words can come out. “It’s wonderful.”

“You can change whatever you want as you decide what you want. You have to see it in your mind’s eye.” He snaps his fingers. “One more surprise.”

We leave my room, and I follow him. We stop at double doors, and he pushes them open. “Until you’re ready, I made a kitchen. It will be stocked with food and blood since we have to feed that side of you.”

Dark lower cabinets and bright upper cabinets. Stoves and appliances are all stainless steel. An old-style wooden table is offset with a similar match to the kitchen island. Plush bar stools and chairs. He opened the fridge and showed me where everything was. His lips pinch into a hard line like the words are difficult to find. “Whatever you need. We can make it happen.”

I didn’t think it would be possible for anyone to break through my walls. Somehow, at this moment, I truly believe that my biological father has a chance of doing so. I wasn’t supposed to like him, but damn, I can’t seem to help it.

Chapter thirteen

I love this place.The Realm of Dreams has become my home. I don’t know if I want to leave here, even though I know I must. Now, I square my shoulders, ready to face what I have been putting off. I stood outside Constantine’s study for several minutes, trying to work up the courage. There are four days until I go to the Academy. Maybe because of this, I have been avoiding preparing to leave. This place has a way of making you forget about your problems. Perhaps this is why Constantine is the prince of sloth; this place makes the real world seem far away. If it weren’t for 203, my focus wouldn’t be on Black Rose.

Not to mention, my shadows have been warning me that the beast’s space is rumbling. She wants to wake up and is growing tired of waiting. I keep pushing off the idea of facing the beast. This realm has kept it sleeping and has been stimulating and strengthening my demon side, which was always going to be mydominant side before the facility. Monica and Constantine have been amazing. I believe Monica was more shocked than I was about her affection for me. Constantine wanted me to have time and peace in my life while going to Black Rose, but he has given me that here. For the first time in my life, I have felt loved. This has been the only place that has ever given me shelter and care, which is making leaving so much harder than I thought it would be. Leaving safety for the unknown felt lonely and terrifying.

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