Page 71 of When You Saved Me

All I wanted was for him to see that what we felt for each other was enough. That we could get through whatever trials came our way. I wanted him to see it so badly, my very bones ached with frustration.

Tears hazed my vision. Letting my sweater and jacket fall back over my ribcage, I wiped away at the water lining my eyes.

Then I felt it.

The car beneath me started to slide as I hit a slick spot on the road. “Oh my god,” I breathed, my mind raced with terror.

I took my foot off the gas and remembered not to slam on the breaks, but I was already going fifty miles an hour on the state road. A scream ripped through my throat as the car jolted to the right. My hands shook as I tried to right the steering wheel, shifting it to the left.

Time slowed for an instant before the steering wheelyanked to the right again, spinning the car—and me with it—around in fast circles. The entire world spun around me as I screamed. I was stuck in a kaleidoscope of white, gray and dark green.

It wouldn’t stop.

IT WOULDN’T STOP!

“Oh my god! Oh my god! Oh my god!”

Some part of my brain made out the giant pine trees on the side of the road and how with each spin of the car, they came closer and closer until…CRASH!

The car must have hit one of the trees as an explosion of white smacked me hard in the face.

“Agh,” I groaned as I brought my hand up to the side of my face. My fingers grazed something wet, but before I could look down at my fingertips, dizziness swarmed me.

Tinges of black edged my vision. The car was no longer spinning, but it still felt likeIwas as little stars danced across my eyes.

“No,” I whispered to myself, trying to hold onto the thread of consciousness I had left. “No.”

But my grip loosened, and everything went black.

Chapter 25

Deacon

Sweat dripped from my forehead as I kept hammering away at the distressed dresser. By now, the piece was beyond repair, the dents of my hammer looked more like giant craters and not at all the original inspiration I had in mind.

“Fuck!” I yelled as I tossed the hammer onto my work bench, scattering a carton of nails as it bounced right off and just missed my cheek. I would have deserved it. Maybe having the hammer smack me in the face would knock some sense into me.

I was ruining everything with Charlie, and I didn’t know how to reel it back in. Much like the dresser before me, I’d ruined a perfectly good thing because I couldn’t keep myself in check. I was lost. Like a ship without sails in the churning ocean—directionless and at the complete mercy of the sea.

Dropping onto my work stool, my head drooped low. I watched as the beads of sweat rolled from my face and onto the concrete floor, splattering.

All I could think about was her. It didn’t matter how much hammering I did or how much I berated myself in my mind, Charlie broke through all of it. Her smile. Her cute as sin freckles. The way her lips felt against mine. And how she always seemed to hum a joyous note when I held her.

She was what I wanted.

And maybe I wanted her too badly. I was holding on so tight because I was afraid of what it might be like to lose her.

I thought I’d gotten over it. The images in my mind from the fire had started to decrease. I was finally letting someone in again. I was finally…happy.

Then, seeing that snow fall on top of her… My stomach coiled and I felt sick just thinking about it.

She said it wasn’t my fault. But how could it not have been?Iwas the one who threw the snowball. It was because of my actions that she ended up with a giant bruise on her beautiful face. Just one more mark made by my stupidity.

She said it wasn’t your fault,I told myself again trying to get the words to stick only to have them land flat on the fucking floor.

“What’s wrong with me?” I sank my head into my hands and rubbed my palms into my eyes. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

Tck, tck, tck.

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