Page 68 of When You Saved Me

Nothing.

I rubbed at my aching chest.

Frustration and hurt simmered in my veins. After all we’d shared together and after everything I’dthoughtwe’d overcome from the past and he was choosing to let anaccidentget in the way of something really special. I wouldn’t stand for it. Wouldn’t allow him to take this away from us.

I hated what he was doing. A sense of betrayal struck me in the heart. It was just like those days I’d spent in the hospital. Not a single friend came to visit me. I was alone in the fight. Abandoned. Tossed to the side without care.

Butthis. Withhim. It was much worse.

Because I’d given Deacon my heart. He had it in the palm of his hand and he’d just decided to throw it away. Like I wasnothing.

Tears blurred my vision, but I refused to wipe them away. If he looked at me, I wanted him to see what he was doing to me—to us. This was a choice. And he was choosing wrong.

Just when I opened my mouth to tell him everything I was thinking, Casper jumped onto the table. Puzzle pieces slid to the side, some of them falling to the floor as he trotted across the table and sat right in front of Deacon.

Meow.

Casper nudged Deacon’s chin with his nose and gave him two licks on the cheek. He’d never given me a kiss before. Not once.

I held my breath as Deacon sat back in his chair, putting distance between him and Casper. Then he slipped his hands under Casper’s belly and set him down on the floor.

A loud shriek permeated the air as I slid my chair back with force. I couldn’t stay in here any longer and watch him bury his head in the sand—blinding himself to what he had right in front of him. Thelovehe had in this house and how he was ruining it for himself.

I could feel his eyes on me as I trailed into the kitchen and made myself a cup of hot chocolate.

“Chocolate will never let you down, honey,” my mother used to always say when I would come home with hurt feelings from school or when I got a poor grade on a test. She’d always break me off a piece of her dark chocolate bar and once the delicious bite melted onto my tongue, I knew she was right.

There would never be a day when chocolate disappointed me.

As I took a long sip from the steaming mug, I let it calm my nerves. The frustration started to dissipate, and I felt my mind clear. Taking a deep breath in, I let my shoulders drop and tried to let go of the anger. Anger was just fear in another form and if I didn’t want Deacon to let fear win, I couldn’t either.

Peeking around the corner, I saw Deacon was still in his seat at the table, staring blankly at the wall. He was so far into his own mind, I thought he might stay trapped there forever. Unable to see that he had a way out. He didn’t have to live like this anymore.

Setting the mug of hot cocoa on the kitchen island, I knew I had to do something. Deacon had fought to save my life, risking himself in the process. There was no way I could just leave him to his own devices when he was down this bad. No matter how much it hurt to be on the receiving end of his rejection, I had to try and figure this out.

Taking another deep breath and letting it go, I rounded the kitchen wall and headed toward him. A muscle tickedalong his jaw when I moved closer. I could tell there were a lot of things moving around in his mind. So many things he probably wanted to say but couldn’t.

But we didn’t have to talk. I could show him how much he meant to me.

Attempting to do just that, I stopped behind him and ran my hands over his shoulders and down his chest as I hugged him from behind. Placing a kiss to the cuff of his ear, I saw the goosebumps rise along his skin, but he still didn’t move. He was a stone, lodged in his seat. Unmoving. Relentlessly stubborn.

So, I craned my neck until our lips were close. He glanced at me, and I saw the flash of pain in his eyes. Like just a simple look in my direction caused him such agony, he couldn’t do it for too long.

It broke my heart. Splintering it into a million pieces.

Still, I wouldn’t stop. He hadn’t stopped trying to save me, even when his side was burned badly, and he could hardly walk. He’d found the strength to stand and carry me to safety.

Now, it was my turn to carry him.

Moving in, I tried to kiss the corner of his mouth, but he shifted his face away from me.

“Deacon,” I pleaded, fighting against the coarseness in my throat. “Talk to me, please.”

I knelt beside him and rested my hands on his thigh. When he didn’t respond, I continued. “I can’t begin to imagine what kind of battles you have to face every day given everything you’ve witnessed in your life. But whathappened yesterday wasnotyour fault. It was an accident. And I’m right here.” My voice cracked on a sob, the emotions I tried to keep hidden under layers of frustration were breaking through.

“I’m right here,” I whispered again. “Can’t you at least look at me?”

Those beautiful green eyes finally shifted as his head turned and he looked right at me. “You’re not safe with me, Charlie.” His voice was low and rough from being silent for so long. “I think we’ve proven that time and again now.”

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