Page 69 of When You Saved Me

I shook my head in confusion. “I’m the safest I’ve ever been with you, Deacon. I trust you with my life.”

“And look where that got you yesterday,” he snarled.

Shocked by his anger, I recoiled. He blinked and dread consumed his face. “I’m not good. I’m too fucked up.”

“Don’t say that!” I cried, gripping onto his forearm.

“It’s true.” Silver lined his eyes, and my heart broke a little more. “Everyone who gets close to me either dies or gets hurt. That’s the way it's been for a long time. And there’s no way in hell I’m going to let that happen to you. Not anymore.”

“So, you just get to choose to end things between us because you’re scared? What about whatIwant?” I slid my hands into his and gripped hard. “Deacon, I’m falling in love with you.”

His eyes widened in surprise. It was the most reckless thing I’d ever let myself do—falling for him. But there was no helping it. He was the one I wanted.

The tenderness in his eyes stayed there for a few moremoments, then something shifted. He pulled his hands away from mine and his face turned to stone.

“Love doesn’t fix things, Charlie. This world isn’t some fairyland you’ve dreamt up in your mind. It’s harsh and terrible shit happens every single day.” His nostrils flared and I knew he was internally fighting against every word that came out of his mouth. I could see it in his eyes. The way he warred with himself. How his past tarnished his present and future. He was being vicious with me soIwould be the one to walk away.

“I don’t pretend to live in a fairyland world, Deacon. But I do know that we have something special. We’vealwayshad something special, but you’ve been too scared to let yourself have it for longer than two seconds. You’re running away from a good thing!” The words were harsh. I knew it. I just needed him to see how ridiculous he was being. How fear wasn’t going to give him the life he wanted.

But maybe that was it. He carried so much guilt from things that have happened in his past that he doesn’t want to let himself be happy.

He looked at me. Silence rang around us as I watched my world unfurl in his eyes right before he said, “This”—he gestured his hands between us—“isn’t going to work.”

“You don’t mean that.” Tears spilled down my face as my throat closed tight. “You don’t mean that!”

“I do.” He cried with me. The green of his eyes was bright as a blade of grass from the gloss of his tears. “If you stay here, you’ll get hurt and I can’t have that.” His handmoved to reach for my face, but he stopped himself. It fell to his lap with a light thud.

“Fight for me,” I whispered. “Fight for us.” Ineededconfirmation from him. Ineededhim to fight for us.

If he was willing, I’d stay with him through all of this. I’d battle his demons right beside him. But if he wouldn’t fightwithme…

The last shred of my heart scattered to the wind as Deacon rose from his seat and walked past me, leaving me sitting on the floor, hurting worse than the flames from that fire that nearly took my life.

Chapter 24

Charlie

Drops of my tears splashed onto the paper as I finished the note for Deacon. He was still in the garage, hammering away at something. The beats became an endless drone after almost an hour of him taking his emotions out on whatever piece he was working on.

He was out there, all alone, when he should have been in here with me trying to figure out how we could move forward from this.

Echoes of his words played out in my mind. He thought he was no good. That love wouldn’t be enough to keep me safe. Through his eyes, the world was an unjust place that took and took and took from him, but I saw the complete opposite. Everyone suffered. He wasn’t alone in the pain of being human. Bad things happened to good people all the time. But we had a choice to let the pain of our misfortunes swallow us whole or we could fight and see all the good thatsurrounded us. Thegoodthat held us steady through the storms.

I couldn’t stand his hammering silence any longer. I needed to get out of this cabin. I needed to get some fresh air and a new perspective on how to get through to him.

Placing my empty hot chocolate mug over the edge of the note so it would stay, I knelt to the floor where Casper was sitting patiently, swishing his tail back and forth.

“I’m going to head into town for a little bit, buddy. I’ll be back tonight to feed you dinner.” He nudged my hand as I ran it over the top of his head and gave him scratches between his ears.

Despite what was happening between us, I knew Deacon would take care of him in my short absence. I just… My heart couldn’t take the weight of the reminders of the joy this cabin held. Everything was a constant reminder of the affection I shared with Deacon and how he was choosing to let it be destroyed by fear.

Rising, I gathered my purse and keys after slipping my coat on. The snow had melted just enough for me to drive. I’d head into town. Maybe walk around for a little bit, then come back.

Back to where I belonged.

If Deacon would still have me.

The bruise on my cheek stung when the winter air hit it as I stepped onto the front porch. A hawk’s cry rang loudly above me. Another reminder of how Deacon had risked himself for my happiness when he got Casper down from the tree.

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